Venting Someone will miss me.

[mafuyu]

I've done it before, looked over our shared bedroom and all of my things that fill it. My partner (married, but I'm trying to stay gender neutral for privacy) doesn't decorate. I don't really either. I just have more things because buying things makes me happy. I've amassed a lot of things over time. Things I love, surely; things that a younger me would scream at current me asking "Why aren't you satisfied? Why aren't you happy?"

I don't know… life still sucks because trauma doesn't just disappear. If I'd CTB a while ago I wouldn't have to deal with it. There'd be nothing. People would forget about me and move on. If only I'd done it before meeting my partner… because honestly, them and my cat are the only two things keeping me here.

Like, fuck everyone else. Screw anyone who's tried to be kind or claims they care about me. They don't live my life. I don't want my memories. I wish someone could take them, or heal me of it somehow. But it's like a scar. It never goes away. You can treat it as much as you want to and try all the "hacks" and "remedies" but the only way to feel yourself of it is to cut it out.

I can't cut my brain out.

No matter how good it gets, I'll never be fixed.

 

[terrastella]

hope this is the place to relate because ouch, too relateable. every remedy always felt like a temporary placeholder. my cats do a better job of motivating me to stay than some of the best life encouragement i've heard and still tell myself. i get the feeling of our loved ones keeping us here, it's such a painful feeling to deal with alone. as a result i love your title

 

[mafuyu]

hope this is the place to relate because ouch, too relateable. every remedy always felt like a temporary placeholder. my cats do a better job of motivating me to stay than some of the best life encouragement i've heard and still tell myself. i get the feeling of our loved ones keeping us here, it's such a painful feeling to deal with alone. as a result i love your title

Definitely! The day my cat dies it's over for me, man. I think about it sometimes. I don't want to lose her… I've never loved a dog like I love her. (She's my first cat.) No offense to dog lovers lol I just found my animal, ya know.

Any time something good happens I find myself still depressed. Trauma taints everything in life. I'd be reading "The Body Keeps The Score" but my library has it on hold for over 3 months!! But the title sounds about right. If you haven't heard of it, it's highly recommended.

Trauma has throughly ruined my life before it could even begin.