Hello everyone,
I'm glad I was accepted into the forums. I don't know how much I will share or how deep I will go, I'm just writing as I go.
I'm in my late 20s and have been heavily depressed since I was 16. Many things happened, from childhood neglect and abuse to modern day problem, some coming from said terrible childhood. It was always difficult for me to adjust. I haven't fully forgiven my parents but things have been better. Not good but better. Now, I managed to keep a somewhat consistent time span of making life work, being somewhat fine but I would always experience phases of extreme downs and pain. It was alrighth though. I was used to it.
After experiencing sexual assault at the hands of one of my partners friends and my partner leaving me, including being kicked out of the shared friend group, as I was blamed for it, I think I decided to finally approach a method. My life has been absolute hell. I have never been a first choice, always been abandoned and hurt. Even now, someone so close and dear to me, leaving me and protecting someone that hurt me this badly, picking them over me, finally broke me.
I have many thoughts. I would not want to be found, I don't want to involve ANYONE in it, this includes any poor soul that may have the missfortune of stumbling accros the body an so on. The fear of not going through with it. What would I need to consider? Cancel my phone plan. Cancel any subscriptions. Maybe leave some nice pictures behind, gift away my favorit clothes? There is so much in my head, the process, the deed. I am rambling. I need some structure but if I try to structure it, I just can't. I do had plans, things I wanted to do. I am aware of the resources provided on here, but it's just something I feel like I need to read while involved. Hard to describe.
Thanks for listening:')
I'm glad I was accepted into the forums. I don't know how much I will share or how deep I will go, I'm just writing as I go.
I'm in my late 20s and have been heavily depressed since I was 16. Many things happened, from childhood neglect and abuse to modern day problem, some coming from said terrible childhood. It was always difficult for me to adjust. I haven't fully forgiven my parents but things have been better. Not good but better. Now, I managed to keep a somewhat consistent time span of making life work, being somewhat fine but I would always experience phases of extreme downs and pain. It was alrighth though. I was used to it.
After experiencing sexual assault at the hands of one of my partners friends and my partner leaving me, including being kicked out of the shared friend group, as I was blamed for it, I think I decided to finally approach a method. My life has been absolute hell. I have never been a first choice, always been abandoned and hurt. Even now, someone so close and dear to me, leaving me and protecting someone that hurt me this badly, picking them over me, finally broke me.
I have many thoughts. I would not want to be found, I don't want to involve ANYONE in it, this includes any poor soul that may have the missfortune of stumbling accros the body an so on. The fear of not going through with it. What would I need to consider? Cancel my phone plan. Cancel any subscriptions. Maybe leave some nice pictures behind, gift away my favorit clothes? There is so much in my head, the process, the deed. I am rambling. I need some structure but if I try to structure it, I just can't. I do had plans, things I wanted to do. I am aware of the resources provided on here, but it's just something I feel like I need to read while involved. Hard to describe.
Thanks for listening:')
