Story So, I survived taking SN. Here's what happened

[SmellyRat]

Mooncide who was filmed during her attempt showed that she didn't stop breathing after several minutes and she said "fuck" three times as if she was in pain. She also groaned a lot,

Yep, that's why im thinking it might have something to do with if its food or lab grabe since there is so much conflicting experiences.

 

[Leo]

You never went unconscious after SN consumption, right?

 

[Umbrellaterm]

• Maybe the 20g I took was excessive? I almost died and only had it down for 5-10 mins, maybe 10g would be a better idea if it didn't make me throw up.

No. The amount is well examined. It's supposed to be overkill, that's the whole idea.

[*]Definitely need to fast longer than the 6 hours I did, I still had a lot of dinner in my vomit.

Yeah, it's YOUR metabolism.
You just didn't know how your body processes things.

I'm glad you're ok and appreciate that you came back to give us details of what happened.

58%. That's on the low side.

So if you were not found you would have died. It sounds like you did not completely lose consciousness at any point is that correct? You lost it while they were carrying you out but were conscious again in the ambulance. If you never completely lost consciousness that's unusual. I read the methemoglobulin needs to reach 70% for it to be fatal. Apparently your body was able to handle it well.

She threw it all up, that's why she didn't lose consciousness.
Please read the whole text.

 

[sadworld]

Welcome back I'm sorry that you couldn't find peace but I'm really happy to see you again

 

[woxihuanni]

It's important to edit your post and include after "SN was painless" that you only lasted a minute until you crawled to your parents rescue.


You also threw up several times with the regime YOU picked which was doing ONLY 30 mg of Meto and expecting that to work.

Mooncide who was filmed during her attempt showed that she didn't stop breathing after several minutes and she said "fuck" three times as if she was in pain. She also groaned a lot,

Stat can work almost as well, several people went with it. The difference is that they didn't oops so unforeseebly get caught.

 

[Dead beat dad]

Hey everyone,

You guys might have seen my thread about a week ago when I decided to try and ctb, it's here: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/tonight-is-the-night-its-time-to-say-goodbye.52089/

Obviously, I'm not dead, despite my best efforts. Here is a brief overview of what happened:

After I drank the SN I felt fine for a few minutes, then started to feel my heart racing and I got dizzy as well. I said goodbye to the people in the chat and then went to go lie down, hoping I'd just pass out and die. Unfortunately that's not what happened.

Almost the second I moved away from my computer a hugely intense wave of nausea overwhelmed me, I can normally keep myself from throwing up but after lying down for a few seconds and trying to breathe deeply to stop it I knew that I was going to be sick. I crawled to the bathroom and turned the lights on and threw up a few times into the toilet, my parents woke up (I'm guessing from the noise) and found me. They had known I was feeling suicidal and I think suspected (but didn't know) that I had SN, but as soon as they saw me I think they knew what had happened. Dad called 000 (the emergency line here) and mum went into my room and found the SN, my glasses, measuring equipment, etc.

I was semi conscious at this point and curled up on the floor, threw up a couple more times, and was extremely cold to the point that I was shivering and shaking quite a lot.

The police and paramedics arrived pretty much at the same time, followed by police rescue maybe 10 or 15 minutes later. They gave me oxygen, a cannula in each arm (extremely painful) and tried to keep me talking, my blood oxygen at this point was 88%, and after a few minutes went up to I believe 91 or 92%. I was feeling very sorry for myself and just trying to stay conscious at this point.

Once police rescue were there they brought in a stretcher and tried to get me down the stairs into the ambulance, this is around the point I lost consciousness, they had me on a stretcher and were trying to get me around a very sharp bend in the stairs in my house.

In the ambulance the weirdest part was how nonchalant they all were, just chatting very casually about me while I faded in and out of consciousness, they had a weird oxygen mask over my mouth and nose and I was still shaking from cold, they wouldn't give me a blanket either.

I vaguely remember being rained on as they took me into the hospital, and there were so many people around me, they had the poisons information on the line and were talking about a case of a girl in California who had died from only 1g of SN, they had weighed the container found in my room and estimated I'd taken 50g, in reality it was only 20, I'd just prepared two doses.

My methemoglobin was at 58% while in there and my SpO2 dropped as low as 66%, they cut my top off and pulled my pants off and covered me with those ECG stickers, when I removed them there were a ton of them. They started to treat me with methylene blue (140mg in two doses according to my discharge summary, I remember them discussing that I could have up to 5mg/kg) and it was after this (not sure how long) that I regained consciousness completely. I was freezing cold and had one of the people holding an oxygen mask over my face, they were talking about intubating me and moving me to the ICU but apparently there were no beds available there, they told me they were going to intubate me but decided against it because my oxygen saturation was already very low and I was "GCS 15" which seems to refer to a Glasgow Coma Scale, meaning I was conscious.

Anyway after a bit everything seemed to settle down, my SpO2 was going up and my methemoglobin was going down, I was still supposed to go to the ICU but ended up staying in the resuscitation bay because there was no space. My parents came in, that was the hardest bit for me. My dad's eyes were so red, it was obvious that he'd been crying a lot. They went home around 5:30am, and I wasn't able to sleep. This is about 4.5hrs after I took the SN.

The head doctor at the ED, a lovely woman named Eva, came and had a very blunt chat with me. She asked where I got the SN (I just said "online") and told me that it was a very close call, I was only minutes from death and I was really fighting for oxygen at one point. That was pretty interesting to hear since it didn't feel like a close call at all, I was conscious or semi-conscious for most of it and didn't need to be intubated. Even though I was in intensive care I wasn't actually admitted to the ICU.

After spending the rest of that day in the ED I was medically cleared once my methemoglobin was normalized and sent to the psychiatric ward under a mental health order, worth noting that this was less than 24 hours after I took the SN, things worked really fast.

The thing that really, really irritates me is how they talked to me about what would happen with the psychiatric ward, first it was "maybe it wouldn't even be effective for you, maybe you'll stay for a day or so" then it was "maybe just a day or two", then once I was there Friday I was told that I'd have to stay the whole weekend at least because there are no psychiatrists there over the weekend (how this is possible in a major hospital I have literally no idea)

After a couple of days in the psych ward I started to literally lose my fucking mind from boredom (no leave, nothing to do) and on Monday begged them to discharge me, with my parents permission they sent me home and now I'm on a waiting list for a residential program, a private hospital that I'd go to for 3-4 weeks for full time care, me agreeing to go there was a condition of my discharge :/

Anyway! That's about it, if anyone has any questions I'd be happy to answer them, or even upload a copy of my discharge summary with all personal info removed, it summarises what happened.

I think I'm going to try and take things easy for a bit, I don't feel any different in terms of mood and the psych ward staff put me on an antipsychotic, lurasidone, which has been making me feel really blunted. I'm considering just not taking it, I've read that it can cause permanent issues with your brain.

Here are some of the things I've taken away from this incident though:

• The SN was completely painless, not even a tummy ache.
• The nausea was bad but the actual throwing up wasn't any worse than if you drink too much.
• Maybe the 20g I took was excessive? I almost died and only had it down for 5-10 mins, maybe 10g would be a better idea if it didn't make me throw up.
• Definitely need to fast longer than the 6 hours I did, I still had a lot of dinner in my vomit.
• Dress warmly! I was very cold although I was lying on a tiled bathroom floor.

As for where to go now, I don't know. Both my parents and the doctors asked me if I feel different after this attempt, and the honest answer is no. I don't feel any better. I don't feel some life-changing realization after almost dying.

Still depressed and suicidal, but I have no plans at the moment. My SN and my metoclopramide is gone so I'll have to start from scratch.

Love,

Ava

Thank you for sharing your story sister. When you made your goodbye thread love shone out for you. I'm sorry you didn't find what you were looking for and your disposition is more or less the same, but that love will alway shine.
Your tale is candid and helpful and I'm sure many will read and appreciate what you have shared.
As always love and respect to you friend

DBD

 

[I screwed up]

@AJ95 you are a very kind and brave soul. You have done a great favor to others looking to ctb by SN by documenting ur experience in detail. Lots of love and hugs

 

[Blank Dreamer]

Welcome back, AJ.
I'm glad to hear that you're well after your experience. It is unfortunate to be going under intensive care... I hope you find another chance to achieve your peace.

 

[StuFin]

At least we know it isn't painful.

 

[woxihuanni]

At least we know it isn't painful.

Iff you call a health team immediately. That's not data. But we have reliable accounts like Dani's to show, yes, it is peaceful.

 

[Futile]

I'm sorry for ehatis happening to you, life can really be a bitch. If you don't mind I have a couple questions:

1) You said your parents woke up after you vomited, so you made no loud noises before that?
2) Did you take something to avoid the vomiting?

Sorry if I'm being insensitive, you don't have to answer if you don't want to. It's just that it's very hard to find information online

 

[Umbrellaterm]

I read the whole text. Everyone throws up.

Do you have a source that everybody throws up?

Do you even know why we would take meto in this case?

 

[woxihuanni]

Do you have a source that everybody throws up?

Do you even know why we would take meto in this case?

Don't expect meto to make sure you don't barf at all. The point is to keep enough down long enough and pass it down from the stomach. Meto is for that.

 

[voyager]

Glad you're okay, AJ95. But sad too in a way, because it doesn't sound like you've had a change of heart. Feel for you. Don't see a failed attempt changing my mind either. Just regretting the consequences and having more problems. Hope it'll be okay.

Agree with some of the others though about upping the dose instead of lowering it. Think the concentration per milliliter is more important than the actual gram count as such. Vomiting is to be expected, so the initial dose is probably crucial in overwhelming the system. As for the food remnants in the stomach, leading up to the fast one might have to sacrifice a good meal or two. Eat soup or other easily digested stuff instead. Sucks.

Do you have a source that everybody throws up?

Do you even know why we would take meto in this case?

A lot of people do, with or without. The meto nevertheless helps with emptying the stomach, basically for faster ingestion of the SN to the small intestine afaik.

 

[shay23]

Sending love, you had the exact experience as me. Here if you want to talk

 

[SmellyRat]

Sending love, you had the exact experience as me. Here if you want to talk

You did SN? was it painless?

 

[StuFin]

Most people seem to throw up, that's why they prepare a 2nd glass, and maybe a 3rd. The idea is to keep it down long enough to get it into your blood stream, which is why you fast.

I don't have meto, and plenty of other people have succeeded without meto as well. People who have accidentally poisoned themselves with it won't have had meto either.

 

[shay23]

You did SN? was it painless?

I was uncomfortable but not in pain, I got really severe anxiety which is why I ended up calling for help. I think my heart rate was almost at 200 beats per minute. Similar to the original post, I was very close to death but it didn't feel like I was dying.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Happiness noises

Sorry you failed bro though it's really good to see you

 

[Umbrellaterm]

I was uncomfortable but not in pain, I got really severe anxiety which is why I ended up calling for help. I think my heart rate was almost at 200 beats per minute. Similar to the original post, I was very close to death but it didn't feel like I was dying.

Did you lose conciousness?

A lot of people do, with or without. The Meto nevertheless helps with emptying the stomach, basically for faster ingestion of the SN to the small intestine afaik.

Will edit this post in a sec.

Yeah, a lot of people. Not ALL people.

I just had to correct that guy.

 

[There Look! Nothing]

Hi AJ, I wanted to say I enjoy reading your posts way earlier but you were already gone. I spent a little while thinking on that and remembered I can tell you on the other side anyway. Thanks for all this info, and wow that hospital sounds like a fucking nightmare.

 

[Metalhead]

Hey AJ, firstly I'd like to say that you are a very brave girl to have gone through with it. Thank you so much for putting up all the details, the information will provide a huge help to all of us that are considering going down the SN route. I hope that the stay in the hospital goes well and that the time passes quickly for you, sending you love and a huge hug.

 

[Stubbe]

Sucks that it didn't work out.
But glad to see you back.

 

[antigone_iris]

Hey, @AJ95 Thank you for documenting your experience. You always write such great posts. I found your goodbye thread quite late, and I was really sad seeing your name crossed out. I'm glad that you're still here with us

 

[yetme]

Im kinda glad that you are alive and feel sorry for your failed attempt.
Your experience sounds quite peaceful except for the vomiting bit

 

[Disappointered]

Thank you for your documentation. You are very helpful :).

 

[Deleted member 23009]

Hey,

Sorry you had to go through all that, doesn't really sound like the best experience..
It sucks you have to go through everything you're going through now as consequence for what happened. And i'm sad to see you still feel the same way.
I hope you can find peace in some way. Although the selfish part of me is happy to see you again!

I hope things go well and you'll feel better in some way soon.

Thank you for sharing your story, I think it's brave of you.

 

[degeneratewaste]

welcome back, my dear. it is nice to see you here again, though i'm sorry things didn't work as planned and that you had to be hospitalised. all the warm hugs to you, you are so brave.

thank you for all the information that you provided also, it's extremely helpful. we are here for you. <3

 

[AJ95]

Sorry for being away for a bit, I feel really off on this new medication, I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Friday and I'm going to ask her about coming off it.

I'm sorry for ehatis happening to you, life can really be a bitch. If you don't mind I have a couple questions:

1) You said your parents woke up after you vomited, so you made no loud noises before that?
2) Did you take something to avoid the vomiting?

Sorry if I'm being insensitive, you don't have to answer if you don't want to. It's just that it's very hard to find information online

1) I don't think so, I was moving around the house and going up and down stairs to get things like glasses and spoons, but as far as I know they were asleep during that, they didn't get up / turn on lights either way
2) I did, I took 30mg of metoclopramide

Most people seem to throw up

Yeah this seems to be the case, that most people throw it up. Maybe longer fasting would help with that?

Happiness noises

Sorry you failed bro though it's really good to see you

Glad to see you again

welcome back, my dear. it is nice to see you here again, though i'm sorry things didn't work as planned and that you had to be hospitalised. all the warm hugs to you, you are so brave.

thank you for all the information that you provided also, it's extremely helpful. we are here for you. <3

So great to see you again as well

 

[Meditation guide]

hat most people throw it up.

So far I've only seen a couple of people drink a second glass after throwing up. I would take it in capsules. It would be easier to get it down.