Venting What am I even staying alive for if it's just constant pain?

[kunikuzushi]

I don't know how I'm going to make it one more day. The pain is constant and unbearable. I can't believe I stayed alive for someone so they wouldn't be sad from my death, and they end up betraying me. What is the point of staying alive if it's just pain after pain my entire life?

I'm so scared. I'm just going through my options in my head. Gun distresses me because I don't want the remaining people who care about me to be left with the aftermath. Jumping seems like I'm not gonna have the guts to do it. SN was always my plan, but years ago my best friend found my SN and got rid of it. I still have a picture of it and look at it with regret. I was going to buy from DMC but now it's not even a safe choice. And I'm so exhausted to find another source.

I want to die painlessly so badly. I can't take another day of this.


my beautiful SN from 2020

 

[Freedomm]

How I understand you, how I want to get what's in the photo as soon as possible. I can't stop thinking about it. It's so exhausting and annoying. It's like I'm standing at a closed door with death behind it and I can't open that door. I hate life.

 

[kunikuzushi]

How I understand you, how I want to get what's in the photo as soon as possible. I can't stop thinking about it. It's so exhausting and annoying. It's like I'm standing at a closed door with death behind it and I can't open that door. I hate life.

I really wish you can find peace soon

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I also find it so torturous and dreadful to exist, I just want to never suffer ever again, all I hope for is a painless death with no more pain and no more suffering, I hope you find peace, I wish you the best.