Story So, I survived taking SN. Here's what happened

[virginiawoolf86]

put me on an antipsychotic, lurasidone, which has been making me feel really blunted. I'm considering just not taking it, I've read that it can cause permanent issues with your brain.

Just out of curiosity, what kind of permanent issues with your brain does lurasidone cause?

Also, thank you for sharing your incredibly difficult experience with all of us. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I know you might not be happy about it, but we're glad you're still here. I hope in some way you can find peace.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

@AJ95 I wish you the best of luck. I'm so sorry people have been rude on this post and in your messages. I would report to mods the nasty messages that have been sent to you. I would not share my discharge summary- it's a very personal piece of paper. I can recall someone else being treated aggressively for not following through. This is supposed to be support for eachother from others who feel in similar ways. Being mean and nasty towards someone who is about to or has tried to take their life should be a banable action.

 

[Jumper Geo]

There is a condescending undertone to this post Geo... AJ is not a child, and therefore her parents aren't likely to confiscate her belongings. Unless I'm missing something, you know nothing about AJ's family or her set up, therefore you have no right to comment about what could've/should've happened as a result of the police calling round and her ctb attempt. I can almost hear you sniggering as you typed the above!!

It's a discussion where people ask questions and I am curious and your right I don't know anything about AJ or her family that is why I asked my questions as everything happened in a short space of time, sorry never new you were so close, have you met or spoke face to face with AJ because when the Police came to her home, she says in her thread no one knows her, only her first name, https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...-morning-be-careful-on-here.51055/post-928003 if it say's SN on the tin dosen't mean it's Sodium Nitrite.

I think my question was valid, I am an adult and if I done it where I live, I would be asked to leave as it would be to much stress for my elderly mother, not all families and parents are the same. i'm late 40's and my brother caught me looking at SS and he said what are you looking at that for and I said I want to kill myself now can't really evict me as I own 50% and I could move back into my other property but I was unable to due to Risperidone but I am at home caught in lockdown and there is always someone around me as my other brother and sister moved in and I told them I know your keeping an eye on me so I told them I would never do it here with mum, I never told them my plans but as a family we have descussed it numerious times and come up with an agreement.

I still have SS on the screen and they do come in and sit next to me and say get that shit of your screen and say why don't you look at some porn very funny as my nieces are here quite offen and beg me not to do anything but everyone knows and we continually get into descussions but as I am feeling a bit better they have backed off I have everything I need in my room and they know it, but they will not go inside or touch anything.

Cheers

Geo

 

[StuFin]

@AJ95 I wish you the best of luck. I'm so sorry people have been rude on this post and in your messages. I would report to mods the nasty messages that have been sent to you. I would not share my discharge summary- it's a very personal piece of paper. I can recall someone else being treated aggressively for not following through. This is supposed to be support for eachother from others who feel in similar ways. Being mean and nasty towards someone who is about to or has tried to take their life should be a banable action.

It is shocking but I kind of understand it in a way (I am not excusing it or making excuses for it).

I think what is going on, and I may well be wrong, is that people who are at the edge but maybe don't have the courage to take the final step see other people taking that step and take a kind of strength from it, that it can be done, isn't that difficult or painful, and that they can do it too.

When someone comes back later and says I failed, they get upset because it knocks their own confidence and belief that they can do it, and that means they have to stay and suffer, and that causes pain and confusion and fear.

And so they lash out at the person who survived, and maybe, to try and convince themselves that they can still do it - blame the other person for "making it up" or "not being serious" etc.

I don't think it's so much that they want to attack the other person, but rather they are projecting their own pain and fear and uncertainty onto the other person, and it just becomes an attack that is unwarranted.

But I really do think that is what's going on, otherwise how do you explain someone being angry at another person for not dying - how does that have any impact on them, unless it's the impact of them not being sure that they are in control of their own destiny?

Again, it's not right, but I think that's what's really going on.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

It is shocking but I kind of understand it in a way (I am not excusing it or making excuses for it).

I think what is going on, and I may well be wrong, is that people who are at the edge but maybe don't have the courage to take the final step see other people taking that step and take a kind of strength from it, that it can be done, isn't that difficult or painful, and that they can do it too.

When someone comes back later and says I failed, they get upset because it knocks their own confidence and belief that they can do it, and that means they have to stay and suffer, and that causes pain and confusion and fear.

And so they lash out at the person who survived, and maybe, to try and convince themselves that they can still do it - blame the other person for "making it up" or "not being serious" etc.

I don't think it's so much that they want to attack the other person, but rather they are projecting their own pain and fear and uncertainty onto the other person, and it just becomes an attack that is unwarranted.

But I really do think that is what's going on, otherwise how do you explain someone being angry at another person for not dying - how does that have any impact on them, unless it's the impact of them not being sure that they are in control of their own destiny?

Again, it's not right, but I think that's what's really going on.

yeah, you could be right. Explained that way it gives another way to understand why such comments are made.
EDIT: I just don't understand being mean or rude to someone. Especially at those times. Maybe someone who has made comments can explain why or where it comes from..

 

[Jumper Geo]

"... kind and respectful."
Which post were you reading?
Kindly take your own advice and shut up yourself... if you can't sense the condescending undertones in that post, you must be very naive!

I remember reading all the posts now please read the following threads below I know people in my family read my threads as my brother even said to me why don't you get Nembutal it will be more peaceful than SN, he was joking, so there is no way I will do a goodbye thread as the family with be busting down my door.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/the-police-visited-me-this-morning-be-careful-on-here.51055/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/tonight-is-the-night-its-time-to-say-goodbye.52089/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/so-i-survived-taking-sn-heres-what-happened.52734/

Cheers

Geo

 

[Craig31ldn]

SN is very hard to succeed in like ive said on other threads. Half who try fail.

 

[Symbiote]

Killing yourself is very hard to succeed in like ive said on other threads. Half who try fail.

FTFY

 

[Astronomer]

SN is very hard to succeed in like ive said on other threads. Half who try fail.

That statement is misleading as fuck.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I'm sorry you had to go through such an ordeal AJ but I'm glad you are okay and welcome back.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I just don't understand being mean or rude to someone. Especially at those times. Maybe someone who has made comments can explain why or where it comes from..

I don't think it's always intended to be rude or mean, I think sometimes it is a self-protective, evem group- protective, defensive response.

I haven't responded to the OP on this thread, but that's because I didn't hit post. I held back because I knew how it would come across, and yet I'm ambivalent as well about not saying anything. Whatever I have to say will not make a difference with the OP, and while I trust my responses, I'm to the point that if the group doesn't see what I see, how important is it to try to get them to? Had you not actually asked, I wouldn't have said, because the person who feels defensive over subtle aggression is often the one who gets viewed as aggressive. I recognized I was heading down that road, but in responding to you, I'm not.

@Jumper Geo provided links to previous threads. Including this one, the way things are presented feels bad, feels off, and I think two natural responses to that are to suspect and even accuse of lying and attention-seeking; the former takes one's trust and safety, the latter takes their focus and support. I note that the OP gets outpourings if love and support on her threads, but doesn't give reacts -- reciprocal attention, appreciation -- and generally responds to what is of personal interest or is in disagreement. I note how her parents' genuine emotional reactions garner a response of indifference or dismissal, like her father's red-rimmed eyes, or how her parents were easily filled, supposedly helicoptering, and yet not bothering her because she's an adult. It seems like everyone in the stories is to be fooled and laughed at, to make a good story about the OP's superiority. And dropping so much personal information is destabilizing for people who read, especially when the OP already went through a high-adrenaline situation of being reported to the police; in this thread, there was the dropping of the first name of the head of ED. I note that she had been home for a few days and came across like she's been feeling physically great since hours at the methylene blue, but took a few days to update the forum, and didn't make a point to say thank you for all the support in the goodbye thread or acknowledge how people may have felt about her attempt and wondering if it believing she'd died. Attention-seeking fits. So does vampiring.

There are always little inconsistencies that can be responded to when called out, and after the police thread, I read the OP and compared it to the discharge summary, I scrutinized both. It's the way the story is told, with lots of detail but little things that are off, and anything I found in the discharge summary that didn't align, I realized could be explained, and I also realized the way it's told is baiting -- it seems inconsistent, and anyone who takes the bait is going to get shit down, shamed and labeled as retarded, nasty, etc.

The overall impression I get from a history of consistent threads she's generated and the red-flag behaviors is that this is all a game, that she is amused by people's responses to what she goes through, she's amused by the game of being called out, and she's amused by how people keep defending and supporting her. She might not be outright lying, but she doesn't present things in a truthful way, doesn't respond to questioning or doubt in a truthful way but tactically. It all comes across like war games more than a kind of group therapy/support that's common in such threads. It's natural to respond with rudeness or meanness in such an arena, and then come across as the aggressor rather than having been aggressed against. People may pick up aggressive weapons in return, and they come out looking bad, especially if they use weapons similar to those of the OP, or if they just let their provoked emotions show.

That's the way I view it. I doubt I'm a hundred percent accurate, but I'm confident in being able to analyze a bigger picture, and in trusting my responses rather than sweeping them under the rug when a more palatable narrative is presented in return. It takes a lot of self-knowing, self-worth, self-trust in perceptions, strength and courage to speak up, and even more so to not be subsequently cowed down by the person or the crowd, even when one is being shamed for how they responded, which is one heck of a powerful tactical defense! Then one has to not only deal with what's being dealt, but also their own faults, and when feeling disempowered by the truth of their own stuff, they may not have enough power to simultaneously keep up the other fight, too, especially from a position of shame and culpability. It's hard to work on two big things at once, but if one can, they come out even more empowered and better manage the next battles that come up (and they always do in life), rather than giving up on self-defense and defense of the group one is in, and/or giving up on the self.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I don't think it's always intended to be rude or mean, I think sometimes it is a self-protective, evem group- protective, defensive response.

I haven't responded to the OP on this thread, but that's because I didn't hit post. I held back because I knew how it would come across, and yet I'm ambivalent as well about not saying anything. Whatever I have to say will not make a difference with the OP, and while I trust my responses, I'm to the point that if the group doesn't see what I see, how important is it to try to get them to? Had you not actually asked, I wouldn't have said, because the person who feels defensive over subtle aggression is often the one who gets viewed as aggressive. I recognized I was heading down that road, but in responding to you, I'm not.

@Jumper Geo provided links to previous threads. Including this one, the way things are presented feels bad, feels off, and I think two natural responses to that are to suspect and even accuse of lying and attention-seeking; the former takes one's trust and safety, the latter takes their focus and support. I note that the OP gets outpourings if love and support on her threads, but doesn't give reacts -- reciprocal attention, appreciation -- and generally responds to what is of personal interest or is in disagreement. I note how her parents' genuine emotional reactions garner a response of indifference or dismissal, like her father's red-rimmed eyes, or how her parents were easily filled, supposedly helicoptering, and yet not bothering her because she's an adult. It seems like everyone in the stories is to be fooled and laughed at, to make a good story about the OP's superiority. And dropping so much personal information is destabilizing for people who read, especially when the OP already went through a high-adrenaline situation of being reported to the police; in this thread, there was the dropping of the first name of the head of ED. I note that she had been home for a few days and came across like she's been feeling physically great since hours at the methylene blue, but took a few days to update the forum, and didn't make a point to say thank you for all the support in the goodbye thread or acknowledge how people may have felt about her attempt and wondering if it believing she'd died. Attention-seeking fits. So does vampiring.

There are always little inconsistencies that can be responded to when called out, and after the police thread, I read the OP and compared it to the discharge summary, I scrutinized both. It's the way the story is told, with lots of detail but little things that are off, and anything I found in the discharge summary that didn't align, I realized could be explained, and I also realized the way it's told is baiting -- it seems inconsistent, and anyone who takes the bait is going to get shit down, shamed and labeled as retarded, nasty, etc.

The overall impression I get from a history of consistent threads she's generated and the red-flag behaviors is that this is all a game, that she is amused by people's responses to what she goes through, she's amused by the game of being called out, and she's amused by how people keep defending and supporting her. She might not be outright lying, but she doesn't present things in a truthful way, doesn't respond to questioning or doubt in a truthful way but tactically. It all comes across like war games more than a kind of group therapy/support that's common in such threads. It's natural to respond with rudeness or meanness in such an arena, and then come across as the aggressor rather than having been aggressed against. People may pick up aggressive weapons in return, and they come out looking bad, especially if they use weapons similar to those of the OP, or if they just let their provoked emotions show.

That's the way I view it. I doubt I'm a hundred percent accurate, but I'm confident in being able to analyze a bigger picture, and in trusting my responses rather than sweeping them under the rug when a more palatable narrative is presented in return. It takes a lot of self-knowing, self-worth, self-trust in perceptions, strength and courage to speak up, and even more so to not be subsequently cowed down by the person or the crowd, even when one is being shamed for how they responded, which is one heck of a powerful tactical defense! Then one has to not only deal with what's being dealt, but also their own faults, and when feeling disempowered by the truth of their own stuff, they may not have enough power to simultaneously keep up the other fight, too, especially from a position of shame and culpability. It's hard to work on two big things at once, but if one can, they come out even more empowered and better manage the next battles that come up (and they always do in life), rather than giving up on self-defense and defense of the group one is in, and/or giving up on the self.

Thank you GPE. I've not read many of OP's postings. So in all fairness I can't respond as to the behaviors you have picked up on. I'm beyond brutally honest about what I post and I assume everyone else is as well. I have been called gullible in my life a few times more than I'd like to admit. I guess it's because I do pride myself about always being honest and assume others are as well. My gullible nature and being too kind and caring is 1 reason I'm single for 10 years except 8 months. I attract the kind of guys who want to use me and I just wanted love-and believed what they've said as true. I learned though and choose to be single because it's better than being made a fool of...

 

[SmellyRat]

I remember reading all the posts now please read the following threads below I know people in my family read my threads as my brother even said to me why don't you get Nembutal it will be more peaceful than SN, he was joking, so there is no way I will do a goodbye thread as the family with be busting down my door.
Geo

Geo is a true OG

 

[RedOdette]

You are a serious badass to have gone though this, recounted every detail you could, and still came back here to share your story. Not even complaining once, just wow. Thank you a million times. I'm glad you made a full recovery, and sorry you couldn't escape the pain. Keep holding it down sis ❤

 

[Craig31ldn]

That statement is misleading as fuck.

It's not misleading. Its easier to make mistakes than you think.

 

[aminend]

SN is very hard to succeed in like ive said on other threads. Half who try fail.

Not true.
First, those who succeed cant come here again and report
Second, those who failed be found soon or call help
If u do the SN method true that works very good

 

[Hopeindeath!]

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope it gets better for you.

 

[Nymph]

Thank you for all the info! That's super valuable and I'm really glad the SN itself actually seems painless

 

[AJ95]

That's very sad to read things turned out this badly. I wish you the best. I hope the fate won't be so harsh on you in the future.

Thank you <3

Thank you for sharing your experience.

Were you experiencing panic at some point?

Were you having tachycardia? Was it bearable?

I think some primal part of my brain went into panic mode when the ambulance people were there assessing me, I was in really bad shape for a while but I didn't do anything stupid. I don't remember any tachycardia.

Just out of curiosity, what kind of permanent issues with your brain does lurasidone cause?

Also, thank you for sharing your incredibly difficult experience with all of us. I'm sorry you had to go through all that. I know you might not be happy about it, but we're glad you're still here. I hope in some way you can find peace.

I read that it can cause permanent tardive dyskinesia and atrophy of the brain. I saw my psychiatrist today and discussed it with her, she's agreed to take me off it which I'm really glad about. Going to try something completely different and see if vyvanse helps me with motivation / functioning at all

SN is very hard to succeed in like ive said on other threads. Half who try fail.

I don't know, I think 100% if I hadn't been found I would've died. Or if I'd had the second glass maybe I would've died anyway.

 

[_Kaira_]

Even though we've never really interacted, I felt significant sadness reading your goodbye thread. After reading this thread, I can't help but have mixed feelings. I'm sorry you weren't able to achieve your wish of leaving this unforgiving world, but also I'm kind of glad you're still here. You're strong for having to bare all of this, and I'm sending you many internet hugs and wishes for recovery from this situation. Hang in there!

 

[Acopia]

It was a shame when you left.
Welcome back
-A.

 

[selfishghost_]

@AJ95 In your op you mentioned an edit that you should have taken it as enema, where did you found that out ? Any source?
BTW sorry for what you have gone through
And im 25 too, if 95 in your username is your birth year

 

[AJ95]

@AJ95 In your op you mentioned an edit that you should have taken it as enema, where did you found that out ? Any source?
BTW sorry for what you have gone through
And im 25 too, if 95 in your username is your birth year

It's just a thought not a real idea, I'm not sure if SN is able to be absorbed rectally but if it is then it sounds like a much better way to take it than orally, since there would be no risk of vomiting it up. Once you took it, that would be that.

 

[muffin222]

I don't think it's always intended to be rude or mean, I think sometimes it is a self-protective, evem group- protective, defensive response.

I haven't responded to the OP on this thread, but that's because I didn't hit post. I held back because I knew how it would come across, and yet I'm ambivalent as well about not saying anything. Whatever I have to say will not make a difference with the OP, and while I trust my responses, I'm to the point that if the group doesn't see what I see, how important is it to try to get them to? Had you not actually asked, I wouldn't have said, because the person who feels defensive over subtle aggression is often the one who gets viewed as aggressive. I recognized I was heading down that road, but in responding to you, I'm not.



The overall impression I get from a history of consistent threads she's generated and the red-flag behaviors is that this is all a game, that she is amused by people's responses to what she goes through, she's amused by the game of being called out, and she's amused by how people keep defending and supporting her. She might not be outright lying, but she doesn't present things in a truthful way, doesn't respond to questioning or doubt in a truthful way but tactically. It all comes across like war games more than a kind of group therapy/support that's common


[/QUOTE]

I agree with your assessment. I think a lot of people on SS get taken for a ride emotionally by certain users who make these types of posts. I think people get emotionally taken advantage of and have their empathy, sympathy, and emotional energy sucked by these provocative threads. Then, when a few people point out their impressions of the OP's intentions that go against the grain, those people get demonized and called mean, insensitive, etc. It's strange.

I think the users offering support and sympathy are genuinely well-meaning and kindhearted. I think it's human nature to project our positive traits and intentions onto other people, so if we're compassionate souls who would never think to play games with people's emotions, we project that same attitude onto other people and we refuse to consider the alternative because it's not something we would ever do.

But, people do try to play these kinds of games, whether we like or agree with it or understand it. I see nothing wrong with pointing out red-flags where they crop up.

If OP dislikes that, they ought to think twice before putting their stuff out there full blast on a public forum. The fact that they don't should tell you something: they want feedback, they want attention, and they want responses and reactions from people

 

[x~Sophia~x]

AJ95 would you like to respond?

 

[dropdeadfred]

@AJ95 In your op you mentioned an edit that you should have taken it as enema, where did you found that out ? Any source?
BTW sorry for what you have gone through
And im 25 too, if 95 in your username is your birth year

1.) Common sense (or something like it) tells me that it would likely burn like hell.
2.) It's been documented in a CTB case that burning sensations of the throat & stomach were present (Mooncide). I could not imagine the pain it could possibly cause rectally & what could be the outcome of a survived attempt. Sounds like one hell of a gamble. Even if it were absorbed & fast, it could be out-of-this-world agonizing.
3.) Thread search reveals that it's highly advised against by several members.
4.) Dear Lort...

 

[TattiQueen]

What does SN mean?

When you select the forums tab there should be some info listed for resources etc. You should be able to find any questions you have will be answered there dear!

 

[StuFin]

It's in one of the SN threads that you CANT use an enema because it will destroy membranes, like if you injected it the vein would collapse.

It has to be drunk.

 

[Astronomer]

I agree with your assessment. I think a lot of people on SS get taken for a ride emotionally by certain users who make these types of posts. I think people get emotionally taken advantage of and have their empathy, sympathy, and emotional energy sucked by these provocative threads. Then, when a few people point out their impressions of the OP's intentions that go against the grain, those people get demonized and called mean, insensitive, etc. It's strange.

I think the users offering support and sympathy are genuinely well-meaning and kindhearted. I think it's human nature to project our positive traits and intentions onto other people, so if we're compassionate souls who would never think to play games with people's emotions, we project that same attitude onto other people and we refuse to consider the alternative because it's not something we would ever do.

But, people do try to play these kinds of games, whether we like or agree with it or understand it. I see nothing wrong with pointing out red-flags where they crop up.

If OP dislikes that, they ought to think twice before putting their stuff out there full blast on a public forum. The fact that they don't should tell you something: they want feedback, they want attention, and they want responses and reactions from people

 

[AJ95]

wait a second, how is a cannula painful?

When they put it into your arm hurts, and it left me with bruises too.

Also they did one in the artery on the inside of my wrist which they had to anaesthetize and then cut for iirc

AJ95 would you like to respond?

Respond to what?

1.) Common sense (or something like it) tells me that it would likely burn like hell.
2.) It's been documented in a CTB case that burning sensations of the throat & stomach were present (Mooncide). I could not imagine the pain it could possibly cause rectally & what could be the outcome of a survived attempt. Sounds like one hell of a gamble. Even if it were absorbed & fast, it could be out-of-this-world agonizing.
3.) Thread search reveals that it's highly advised against by several members.
4.) Dear Lort...

I think I remember reading that the reason it caused tummy pain is because the stomach acid turns the SN into nitric acid or something, which wouldn't happen in the rectum. Could be wrong though.

It's in one of the SN threads that you CANT use an enema because it will destroy membranes, like if you injected it the vein would collapse.

It has to be drunk.

Ah okay fair enough. Taking it as an enema is very different to injecting it into a vein though, since when you drink it it's absorbed by the intestinal lining, which would be very similar to an enema I would've thought.