Venting so good at faking it it makes me upset

[comeoutandhauntme]

i've vented abt this on here before but i'm just so good at faking being happy and okay to everyone that it almost makes me mad lmao, like some secret awful part of me just wishes someone would somehow see past me and realize i'm not okay. but then again i purposely put up so many walls to make sure that doesn't happen, and any time someone DOES check on me or wonder if im okay, i lie straight through my teeth and say that i'm fine. so ig idek what i want LMAO

 

[FinalDestination]

I'm the exact same way. Wanting to be seen but I've been lyjng so long I wouldn't know how. Plus I wouldn't want to forfeit my current freedom and be forcefully sent away or constantly watched over lol. So maybe this way isn't so bad ha

 

[yotaka]

I was just thinking about this exact thing. I think there's a sort of middle ground where we're definitely not ok, but our suffering isn't crippling, so people don't see it. I almost think it would be nice to go catatonic or have a complete mental breakdown; at least that way people wouldn't expect you to just keep going with daily life...

Kind of feels like this

 

[comeoutandhauntme]

I'm the exact same way. Wanting to be seen but I've been lyjng so long I wouldn't know how. Plus I wouldn't want to forfeit my current freedom and be forcefully sent away or constantly watched over lol. So maybe this way isn't so bad ha

yes this is my exact issue lol, like i would rather not be hovered over or sent away to some psych ward just bc someone figures out im suicidal no thank u!!

I was just thinking about this exact thing. I think there's a sort of middle ground where we're definitely not ok, but our suffering isn't crippling, so people don't see it. I almost think it would be nice to go catatonic or have a complete mental breakdown; at least that way people wouldn't expect you to just keep going with daily life...

Kind of feels like this

nah fr, the way i fantasize abt absolutely losing it in front of someone just to feel seen and comforted is crazy. but i'm able to present so normally in my day to day life, at my worst i just come off tired and that's it

 

[yotaka]

nah fr, the way i fantasize abt absolutely losing it in front of someone just to feel seen and comforted is crazy. but i'm able to present so normally in my day to day life, at my worst i just come off tired and that's it

I won't ever do it, but I think it would be hilarious when one of my coworkers asks how it's going to respond with, "I think about killing myself every day." Calm tone, casual inflection, but instead of lying and saying I'm great I would tell the truth. I wonder what they would do

 

[♡Sayori_Kinnie♡]

Type shit
Real unfortunately

 

[comeoutandhauntme]

I won't ever do it, but I think it would be hilarious when one of my coworkers asks how it's going to respond with, "I think about killing myself every day." Calm tone, casual inflection, but instead of lying and saying I'm great I would tell the truth. I wonder what they would do

i wonder ALLLLL the time what someone would do if they heard my real genuine answer lmao especially at work!! but also would just like actually never say that bc why would i do that to some random well meaning person haha

 

[Busridin'26]

The defense mechanism trauma shit that leads to me projecting strength, sanity etc etc when im especially struggling is just one of the worst things. I've found that when I am vulnerable/ break down it's like not believed. Like im faking? Like bc "im resilient" I'm "fine"

Feel like or would take something physical happening to be taken seriously tho that did happen recently and ehhh

Also a fear of saying how bad ot is /unfiltered thoughts bc its that severe? Fear of being locked in psych ward and not being let out.

I dunno if its similar for anyone else but like its so fucking frustrating. Being vulnerable is hard. Being heard is the hardest at times.

virtual hugs for all in thread if welcomed / ok

 

[l1ablemistakes]

i've vented abt this on here before but i'm just so good at faking being happy and okay to everyone that it almost makes me mad lmao, like some secret awful part of me just wishes someone would somehow see past me and realize i'm not okay. but then again i purposely put up so many walls to make sure that doesn't happen, and any time someone DOES check on me or wonder if im okay, i lie straight through my teeth and say that i'm fine. so ig idek what i want LMAO

The amount of times every single day someone asks "how are you", and I plaster on a smile and say "I'm good, how are you?" has begun to hurt. I could never talk about this in casual conversation. I can barely even bring myself to tell my friends I'm struggling, let alone how badly. I've gotten so good at lying and saying just enough to explain my absence but not enough to make them worried it's scary. I know nobody will see it coming which is probably for the best. I don't want anyone to think they should have 'seen the signs' and intervened. I don't think I show any signs.