SN Arrived

[Nikki2020]

I'm staying with a friend I met at the psych hospital because I can't go home. it causes me agony being there because I lost everything there and the memories hurt.

yesterday the sn was suppose to come but it hadn't I was so afraid all day I sat outside hoping it would come so my friend doesn't see. i tracked the package and it said it would arrive today by end of day.

I was sitting on the steps today when my order came my heart dropped. I put it in my shirt and quickly went in and hid it in my bag. I was so scared I would make her suspicious. but nobody knows. thankfully.

I'm just tired of crying all day everyday. tired of the pain and emotional agony. my mental health ruined so much of my life. esp the ones who ment the fking most to me.

I'm scared tho. my mind is racing. what if it doesn't work? what if it hurts? I've read all the success stories and the ones that failed too. I just hope I get sleepy and go and not panic. I'm afraid I'm going to panic.

i feel so alone. why do we have to suffer?

 

[SarRy]

Hold on and think. You have the stuff, but that doesn't mean you have to do it. Consider all options. Sometimes it's just nice to know that you have a way out if things get too much. Give yourself the space to calmly consider what direction you want to go.

I think the nice part of having the materials is that you know you can go through with it. You can try anything else and still have a fallback plan.

If your mental health has been so poor, then you could try getting on disability or something. Try different therapies if you want. If nothing works, then you already have what you need.
Yeah, life is a struggle. Bad memories and guilt haunt us. We can only hope to find peace within ourselves. As they say, there are innumerable worlds within the mind.
That being said, I wish you peace.

 

[Nikki2020]

Hold on and think. You have the stuff, but that doesn't mean you have to do it. Consider all options. Sometimes it's just nice to know that you have a way out if things get too much. Give yourself the space to calmly consider what direction you want to go.

I think the nice part of having the materials is that you know you can go through with it. You can try anything else and still have a fallback plan.

If your mental health has been so poor, then you could try getting on disability or something. Try different therapies if you want. If nothing works, then you already have what you need.
Yeah, life is a struggle. Bad memories and guilt haunt us. We can only hope to find peace within ourselves. As they say, there are innumerable worlds within the mind.
That being said, I wish you peace.

I've been on so many medications. been to so many crisis centres and hospitals with so many treatments even ketamine. nothing worked. Im so tired.

 

[FuneralCry]

From what I've read SN doesn't sound that bad, at least to me it doesn't sound as horrible as many other methods, but I know that it can be very hard to let go of the fears associated with ctb. Leaving this world isn't easy after all. But your feelings of wanting to be free from everything are understandable. I know that it can be awful having to endure a life that is just constant suffering and problems with no real rest and relief. Existing certainly is painful and tiring. I wish you the best.