Venting SN arrived. I feel so weird

[RandomFellowIdc]

What a surreal feeling.
I'm holding a chemical I spent quite a bit of money on with the intent to ingest it and die.
The ball has been rolling for a while now. All my planning has paid off so far.
I dont have the antiemetics, but I think i'll be okay without. I haven't vomited since I was a kid so even if I vomit now, I doubt it'll be enough to save me.
I've waited for this moment for months.
It is now Thursday. I have mere days.
I still don't regret any of this, but the guilt is tearing me apart.
I am so sorry to my parents.
I am so sorry to my friends.
I am so, so fucking sorry to a certain person who i know might feel responsible. I hope they know they're not. I'll try my best to tell them that too.
I wish it didn't have to be this way, but I can't leave without being missed. That's just inevitable

I don't know how to feel
I'm scared
I'm nervous
I'm excited
I'm terrified
I'm feeling everything at once
I'm experiencing what it feels like to know I likely only have a few days left to live
There is so much I will miss out on
There is so much I will never get to experience
But that won't matter once i'm done
I know it's not worth it to stay just for the few things i enjoy when i will always keep hoping I don't wake up the next day

I'm going to try and hang out with my friends one last time, but if that will even work out, I don't know
I have to finish writing my letters to leave behind
This is really it. I've made it
In a few days, my life will likely be over. If not, it will probably be forever changed.
The next few days will be difficult. But i need to stay strong and see this through.
I know what I want. I just need to try and control my survival instinct.
I can do this, surely. No turning back now, no matter how much my brain tries to hold me back.

I guess if you're wondering how it feels to be this close to the moment of truth
Feel free to ask. Maybe it will help me think and process these feelings a bit more.
What a fucking week. Don't know what else to even add here
Everything that made my life worth living is already gone.
There is nothing left for me here.
I have to do this

 

[TheEmptyVoid]

I'm jealous. I live in California and I CAN'T GET MY HANDS ON IT BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING GOVERNMENT. Also ingest 70g of pure sodium "nitrite" NOT "nitrate" and you will feel very dizzy and you will have absolutely 0% shortness of breath, because you are exhaling co2. I saw a person attempt to do it (In a thread) and his experience was not painful at all, you just get severely dizzy and lightheaded.

 

[RandomFellowIdc]

I'm jealous. I live in California and I CAN'T GET MY HANDS ON IT BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING GOVERNMENT. Also ingest 70g of pure sodium "nitrite" NOT "nitrate" and you will feel very dizzy and you will have absolutely 0% shortness of breath, because you are exhaling co2. I saw a person attempt to do it (In a thread) and his experience was not painful at all, you just get severely dizzy and lightheaded.

there's a protocol on this website and i'm going to follow it as closely as possible

 

[darksouls]

good luck
hope everything goes well for you
wish you the best

 

[Alexandra_]

I am happy for you. My SN and all the necessary things are lying in the closet and waiting for their time. I also had a strange feeling when I was waiting for it, when it arrived, when I opened it to test it. I hope you find an antiemetic. Yes, our family will miss us, but nothing can be done about it, the choice has already been made and KTB is just a matter of time. I wish you a happy last days. And good luck to you

 

[derekWest]

Also ingest 70g of pure sodium "nitrite" NOT "nitrate" and you will feel very dizzy .

Why 70g instead of 25g ?