songsongsong
Member
- May 13, 2024
- 9
All I ever do is daydream about how my life would've been if I wasn't so pathetic. I have so many opportunities layed out for me yet I have no motivation for any of them. I have friends, but there are times where I wonder if they truly like me because of how I am or if they feel bad. I can't get along with any of my classmates, and I have barely any social skills. I have times where I binge eat, then not eat at all for days, and I'm so sick of it. My body is so disgusting, and it doesn't help that I'm considered overweight. I try so hard to lose it and get to my dream body, but nothing ever works out. Why couldn't I get the average features a korean girl would?
I'm still in the mindset of 2020, and it's like I haven't mentally grown since. I constantly try to imagine/display myself as normal, but I know deep down in my soul that that's what I'll never be. I always wonder when my mental state went wrong? I live in a upper-middle class family who are always supportive of what I do, yet I still feel this way. I lived through a "normal" childhood, but I still have these consecutive thoughts everyday of how much i despise myself. I don't ever do anything right, and I feel so behind compared to others my age. However though, my suicidal thoughts always end up switching on and off inside of my head everyday. There are some days where I feel completely at ease with a clear head, while others I can't help but attempt to slit my wrists. (But i'm too pathetic to even harm myself lol) My mood changes all the time and I can't help it. It's so suffocating how I will just have to live like this for the rest of my life.
I'm still in the mindset of 2020, and it's like I haven't mentally grown since. I constantly try to imagine/display myself as normal, but I know deep down in my soul that that's what I'll never be. I always wonder when my mental state went wrong? I live in a upper-middle class family who are always supportive of what I do, yet I still feel this way. I lived through a "normal" childhood, but I still have these consecutive thoughts everyday of how much i despise myself. I don't ever do anything right, and I feel so behind compared to others my age. However though, my suicidal thoughts always end up switching on and off inside of my head everyday. There are some days where I feel completely at ease with a clear head, while others I can't help but attempt to slit my wrists. (But i'm too pathetic to even harm myself lol) My mood changes all the time and I can't help it. It's so suffocating how I will just have to live like this for the rest of my life.
