Venting fantasizing about pouring your heart out to someone who will listen (is it just me?)

[fleurdelune]

this always happens -- i meet someone kind-ish, i become attached to obsessed with them because i am Batshit crazy, and i daydream constantly about just..... talking to them. instead of fantasizing about sex or romance like a normal person, i fantasize about being honest with them about how hollow and sad i am all the time. and in those daydreams, they just listen, maybe providing some sort of comfort verbally or in the form of a hug or something. and then in the real world, that person eventually leaves my life and i'm left completely lost and lonely because someone i had identified as being possibly safe to talk to isn't going to be accessible to me anymore.

i'm wondering if anybody else has these kinds of daydreams or if i'm exceptionally weird and self-absorbed. i feel so gross about it because it's like i "desire" these living, breathing people primarily as scarecrows for me to cry to about my stupid mental state, and i also recognize that it's all kind of silly because i know that having someone to talk to like that won't do anything to help me :/ because nothing can help someone who at this point doesn't even want to be "helped" or changed. i don't ever see myself changing my mind about killing myself, nor do i really wish to have my mind changed. the world needs to be rid of me (and of people in general, to be honest) :***)

and yet here i am, having these elaborate venting sessions in my mind as if they would do me any good if they were real. i can't be so truthful with my actual (wonderful, mind you) therapist because i don't want her to leave me after realizing that i'm beyond helping. god, i feel like such a fucking freak

anyways... does anyone else do this? as sick as it sounds (because i don't wish any of this stuff on anyone), it eases the pain ever so slightly to hear that i'm not alone, which is part of why i come on here in the first place. but i totally get it if i am indeed alone on this one LOL

'tis all for now; thank you for reading my yap :]

 

[suncide10]

you re not alone

 

[plskilme]

There's a girl I've been taking to for a few years now (we'll call her B)... I really like her but idk if she's taken or not. I'm at the point where asking her out of the blue would seem a little weird. She introduced me to two of her friends a while ago. I was on call with one of them (we'll call him J) the other night and he was piss drunk, and wanted me to join their Minecraft multiplayer server. He (J) ended up inviting me to a private discord server with her, him, the other friend (I'll call him M), and a bunch of their friends. He (J) was telling me that the other friend (M) didn't really want me there. I have a strong suspicion that she (B) is dating a dude in there (I'll call him S) because she always calls him (S) a nickname every time she (B) talks to him (S), and how he (M) didn't want me in there at all. But I was lurking old messages and I noticed that he (M) also calls him (S) the nickname, but only in text form. So there's a part of me that suspects that its just a nickname that people in his (S) personal life call him. But idk for certain.

Edit: every single time I talk to her my current mental state at that particular time improves. She also has a bunch of the same interests as me, and can keep up with my tism. I want to tell her how I really feel but dont want to make our friendship weird af. Idk what to do.

 

[lecheflanlvr]

i feel the same, i think(?). i find it really hard to express the way i feel everytime but i want someone to listen still, wholeheartedly. possibly even more than just listen but it just seems so impossible for someone like me. i like tons of people but i doubt they'd feel the same way about me becoz i cant even be honest and try to be close, i find those things to be absolutely difficult to accomplish.

 

[FF777]

they aren't just scarecrows though.. we know that there is a conscious soul in there listening to us yap.. and they can respond to us too.. it just helps having a person around to listen to you and care about your rantings.. that isn't even remotely weird at all; it's completely natural human nature..

all my real life friends went our separate ways a long time ago, and i don't have much family, so it sucks being alone for so many years and not having real life people to talk to.. so i usually try talking to this one person in chat rooms a lot, and they are cool and we've known each other for years, but some times they don't provide enough for me.. they don't give me as much feedback as i require some times.. it's almost like talking to a wall some times.. but it still helps a little i guess..

i wish it weren't so hard in this world to find cool friends that click well with you, you know?.. it's like none of the friend-finder apps do very much good, and so how are people supposed to find any one?!?.. people mostly just have to still use the traditional system where you hope you get lucky and randomly bump in to cool people some where.. it's sucky..

 

[fleurdelune]

i feel the same, i think(?). i find it really hard to express the way i feel everytime but i want someone to listen still, wholeheartedly. possibly even more than just listen but it just seems so impossible for someone like me. i like tons of people but i doubt they'd feel the same way about me becoz i cant even be honest and try to be close, i find those things to be absolutely difficult to accomplish.

i feel you :( i often wish other people invested as much thought into me as i do into them. i try to remember all the small things about them because i kinda wish someone would do that for me, for instance, but it's not enough because it's hard for me to express my interest in people more directly because i'm so awkward and afraid of making them uncomfortable. opening up to people feels impossible due to the simultaneous distance i instinctually keep from them.

i hope it gets easier for us both </3

they aren't just scarecrows though.. we know that there is a conscious soul in there listening to us yap.. and they can respond to us too.. it just helps having a person around to listen to you and care about your rantings.. that isn't even remotely weird at all; it's completely natural human nature..

all my real life friends went our separate ways a long time ago, and i don't have much family, so it sucks being alone for so many years and not having real life people to talk to.. so i usually try talking to this one person in chat rooms a lot, and they are cool and we've known each other for years, but some times they don't provide enough for me.. they don't give me as much feedback as i require some times.. it's almost like talking to a wall some times.. but it still helps a little i guess..

i wish it weren't so hard in this world to find cool friends that click well with you, you know?.. it's like none of the friend-finder apps do very much good, and so how are people supposed to find any one?!?.. people mostly just have to still use the traditional system where you hope you get lucky and randomly bump in to cool people some where.. it's sucky..

you're absolutely right; it does matter that we would be talking to real people with their own minds rather than to a robot or a literal scarecrow :P that's why venting to the void on twitter doesn't do much for me and why i can't imagine trying to talk to an AI chatbot about my issues instead of an actual person lol

i'm glad you have your chatroom friend :] at least it's something. it sucks trying to find people with whom you can be comfortable in the wild, and i can't get behind the friend-finder apps because i'm afraid of creepy people looking for more than friendship :') i hope you find some nice people to be friends with if that's what you want. it's rough being lonely

 

[lastappleonearth]

this always happens -- i meet someone kind-ish, i become attached to obsessed with them because i am Batshit crazy, and i daydream constantly about just..... talking to them. instead of fantasizing about sex or romance like a normal person, i fantasize about being honest with them about how hollow and sad i am all the time. and in those daydreams, they just listen, maybe providing some sort of comfort verbally or in the form of a hug or something. and then in the real world, that person eventually leaves my life and i'm left completely lost and lonely because someone i had identified as being possibly safe to talk to isn't going to be accessible to me anymore.

i'm wondering if anybody else has these kinds of daydreams or if i'm exceptionally weird and self-absorbed. i feel so gross about it because it's like i "desire" these living, breathing people primarily as scarecrows for me to cry to about my stupid mental state, and i also recognize that it's all kind of silly because i know that having someone to talk to like that won't do anything to help me :/ because nothing can help someone who at this point doesn't even want to be "helped" or changed. i don't ever see myself changing my mind about killing myself, nor do i really wish to have my mind changed. the world needs to be rid of me (and of people in general, to be honest) :***)

and yet here i am, having these elaborate venting sessions in my mind as if they would do me any good if they were real. i can't be so truthful with my actual (wonderful, mind you) therapist because i don't want her to leave me after realizing that i'm beyond helping. god, i feel like such a fucking freak

anyways... does anyone else do this? as sick as it sounds (because i don't wish any of this stuff on anyone), it eases the pain ever so slightly to hear that i'm not alone, which is part of why i come on here in the first place. but i totally get it if i am indeed alone on this one LOL

'tis all for now; thank you for reading my yap :]

I don't think you're self absorbed at all for daydreaming abt sb listening to you. I mean longing for such a connection is natural. Idk, last time I trusted sb and told them everything, it didn't end well, but it was nice while it lasted I guess.
I hope you can find someone who listens to you and comforts you, it rlly can make a difference I think

 

[fleurdelune]

I don't think you're self absorbed at all for daydreaming abt sb listening to you. I mean longing for such a connection is natural. Idk, last time I trusted sb and told them everything, it didn't end well, but it was nice while it lasted I guess.
I hope you can find someone who listens to you and comforts you, it rlly can make a difference I think

thank you for the kind words :] i'm sorry it didn't go well when you were honest with someone; that's basically my fear... telling someone how i feel would be putting a lot on their shoulders if they genuinely listen and are empathetic and i'm afraid they would leave me to avoid that responsibility. but i'll try to keep hoping (it almost feels involuntary at this point, like a survival instinct thing)

 

[lastappleonearth]

thank you for the kind words :] i'm sorry it didn't go well when you were honest with someone; that's basically my fear... telling someone how i feel would be putting a lot on their shoulders if they genuinely listen and are empathetic and i'm afraid they would leave me to avoid that responsibility. but i'll try to keep hoping (it almost feels involuntary at this point, like a survival instinct thing)

Yeah it makes you more cautious and less likely to open up, when sth like that happens to you. I mean idk, it was mutual tho, we both told each other everything, for a while. A lot of ppl tend to avoid responsibility, but I think if sb rlly cares abt you, then they wouldn't do it. It's good that you have hope and that you try to keep hoping. We all need hope to go on

 

[DriftingToOblivion]

I absolutely daydream about having someone like that I can open up to. But I am also realistic. Anyone I know is going through their own difficulties and don't necessarily want to hear mine. But I would also do my best to listen to them if they wanted to share.

Alas we go through every day wearing masks. We put on our best smiles and insist we are okay.

It's not about sex or anything but emotional closeness either. At the point I'm at sex feels a bit superficial.

I thought I had that person some years ago but it all came crashing down. (Turned out they mainly wanted the sex.)

 

[valar_morghulis21]

this always happens -- i meet someone kind-ish, i become attached to obsessed with them because i am Batshit crazy, and i daydream constantly about just..... talking to them. instead of fantasizing about sex or romance like a normal person, i fantasize about being honest with them about how hollow and sad i am all the time. and in those daydreams, they just listen, maybe providing some sort of comfort verbally or in the form of a hug or something. and then in the real world, that person eventually leaves my life and i'm left completely lost and lonely because someone i had identified as being possibly safe to talk to isn't going to be accessible to me anymore.

i'm wondering if anybody else has these kinds of daydreams or if i'm exceptionally weird and self-absorbed. i feel so gross about it because it's like i "desire" these living, breathing people primarily as scarecrows for me to cry to about my stupid mental state, and i also recognize that it's all kind of silly because i know that having someone to talk to like that won't do anything to help me :/ because nothing can help someone who at this point doesn't even want to be "helped" or changed. i don't ever see myself changing my mind about killing myself, nor do i really wish to have my mind changed. the world needs to be rid of me (and of people in general, to be honest) :***)

and yet here i am, having these elaborate venting sessions in my mind as if they would do me any good if they were real. i can't be so truthful with my actual (wonderful, mind you) therapist because i don't want her to leave me after realizing that i'm beyond helping. god, i feel like such a fucking freak

anyways... does anyone else do this? as sick as it sounds (because i don't wish any of this stuff on anyone), it eases the pain ever so slightly to hear that i'm not alone, which is part of why i come on here in the first place. but i totally get it if i am indeed alone on this one LOL

'tis all for now; thank you for reading my yap :]

No it's not sick. Mfs out there be fantasizing about assaulting women and children, that's sick. I did it sometimes too when I met cool people and really wanna be friends with them. I even laughed out loud alone imagining about our jokes. But just be mindful to not put anyone on the pedestal, cause the more you know them you realize they ain't shit. Also you unintentionally give them power to control your emotions and it will hurt yourself in the long term.

 

[dahliadreamscape444]

This happened to me semi recently. It's been a reallllyyyy long time since I had a proper romantic connection or even just like a close best friend connection so I'm very conversation starved. I met this guy at a bar the one night I dragged myself out and he seemed nice, but so cute in the way that I was sure he wouldn't be interested in me too. He made me give him his number to tell him when I got back home with my uber and to my surprise we were starting to hit it off! It was so fun and flirty and of course my mind somersaulted to imagining what it would be like if we started dating or got more serious and I literally daydreamed about one day like a year down the road being able to tell him that I tried to kill myself the night before I met him and that he pulled me out of my funk. Only for him to ghost me like a week in obviously I know that was me being delusional and I never mentioned anything about my depression. We never got deep enough but that didn't stop my mind xD but honestly these past months in general I'm just missing having that companion that I can be unfiltered with and just yap for hours, about my ideations or just things in general. Like someone else mentioned I am also realistic in the sense that I understand that dropping really heavy emotional bombs on people unprepared isn't the move, but in my dream world I have someone who is equally as obsessed with me and wants to know every little thing on my mind haha

 

[WirelessConnections]

It was so fun and flirty and of course my mind somersaulted to imagining what it would be like if we started dating or got more serious and I literally daydreamed about one day like a year down the road being able to tell him that I tried to kill myself the night before I met him and that he pulled me out of my funk. Only for him to ghost me like a week in obviously I know that was me being delusional and I never mentioned anything about my depression. We never got deep enough but that didn't stop my mind xD

I had a super similar experience recently as well.

I met this woman and we vibed with each other so well. We texted constantly, we'd be on the phone with each other until morning, and it felt like we had so much in common like we were the same person.

I started having all these daydreams about us becoming best friends and being super super close, obviously I didn't tell her cus that's unhealthy, but then our friendship literally just fell flat after around 2 weeks and we stopped talking entirely.

I'm not sure what happened exactly, I guess the novelty just wore off and she'd found out everything she wanted to know about me. I had been a little worried from the start because in my mind I was like "if someone can get so interested in me so quickly, they can lose interest just as quickly" and that's exactly what happened. It was still really sad though because I thought we had a fun dynamic and I haven't made any new friends since around 2022 (embarrassing I know) so I was really excited to finally make a new friend.

 

[violetforever]

i kind of did that and it didnt make much of a difference even with them listening and being caring and loving

 

[ctb_warrior]

I have reached a point where I don't feel for anyone. So, even if someone lends me their ear and they are of opposite gender. My last breakup has broken me beyond repair. So, i no longer feel anything for anyone, except yes pain of others, which is why I have written articles from my personal experiences that helped me live a better life. So that if anyone wishes to recover and improve their life, they can follow the steps and get benefitted

 

[imnotcreative]

i become attached to obsessed with them because i am Batshit crazy, and i daydream constantly about just..... talking to them. instead of fantasizing about sex or romance like a normal person, i fantasize about being honest with them about how hollow and sad i am all the time

I do the same thing and I'm starting to think i am losing my mind or something, for me it has reached the point to where I try not to interact with others and automatically push people away/be mean so I don't become instantly attached.

 

[iguazo falls]

honestly that has described half my daydreaming since i was a kid. i have slowly become more closed off but the daydream doesnt stop. i know in reality i will get the fluoride stare or some sort of punishment for opening up so i don't bother even with my partner. tbh lately ive been daydreaming of ways to get back at people for telling me their whole life story yet cant give me the time but it goes against my values too much and its less energy to simply not care.

 

[2Sensible]

I have this deep wish of finding a friend where we could vent together, be 100% about all the things that are annoying (even between each other), even the slightest inconvenience, even cry together and hugs. So i would say you're not alone

 

[dahliadreamscape444]

I had a super similar experience recently as well.

I met this woman and we vibed with each other so well. We texted constantly, we'd be on the phone with each other until morning, and it felt like we had so much in common like we were the same person.

I started having all these daydreams about us becoming best friends and being super super close, obviously I didn't tell her cus that's unhealthy, but then our friendship literally just fell flat after around 2 weeks and we stopped talking entirely.

I'm not sure what happened exactly, I guess the novelty just wore off and she'd found out everything she wanted to know about me. I had been a little worried from the start because in my mind I was like "if someone can get so interested in me so quickly, they can lose interest just as quickly" and that's exactly what happened. It was still really sad though because I thought we had a fun dynamic and I haven't made any new friends since around 2022 (embarrassing I know) so I was really excited to finally make a new friend.

That's not embarrassing at all it's been about the same amount of time for me that I've been able to make a new lasting connection. Everything else fizzles out. I'm sorry you go through something similar. It sucks so hard to feel like you're finally finding something again only for it to be put out so quick :(