Venting fantasizing about pouring your heart out to someone who will listen (is it just me?)

[fleurdelune]

this always happens -- i meet someone kind-ish, i become attached to obsessed with them because i am Batshit crazy, and i daydream constantly about just..... talking to them. instead of fantasizing about sex or romance like a normal person, i fantasize about being honest with them about how hollow and sad i am all the time. and in those daydreams, they just listen, maybe providing some sort of comfort verbally or in the form of a hug or something. and then in the real world, that person eventually leaves my life and i'm left completely lost and lonely because someone i had identified as being possibly safe to talk to isn't going to be accessible to me anymore.

i'm wondering if anybody else has these kinds of daydreams or if i'm exceptionally weird and self-absorbed. i feel so gross about it because it's like i "desire" these living, breathing people primarily as scarecrows for me to cry to about my stupid mental state, and i also recognize that it's all kind of silly because i know that having someone to talk to like that won't do anything to help me :/ because nothing can help someone who at this point doesn't even want to be "helped" or changed. i don't ever see myself changing my mind about killing myself, nor do i really wish to have my mind changed. the world needs to be rid of me (and of people in general, to be honest) :***)

and yet here i am, having these elaborate venting sessions in my mind as if they would do me any good if they were real. i can't be so truthful with my actual (wonderful, mind you) therapist because i don't want her to leave me after realizing that i'm beyond helping. god, i feel like such a fucking freak

anyways... does anyone else do this? as sick as it sounds (because i don't wish any of this stuff on anyone), it eases the pain ever so slightly to hear that i'm not alone, which is part of why i come on here in the first place. but i totally get it if i am indeed alone on this one LOL

'tis all for now; thank you for reading my yap :]

 

[suncide10]

you re not alone

 

[plskilme]

There's a girl I've been taking to for a few years now (we'll call her B)... I really like her but idk if she's taken or not. I'm at the point where asking her out of the blue would seem a little weird. She introduced me to two of her friends a while ago. I was on call with one of them (we'll call him J) the other night and he was piss drunk, and wanted me to join their Minecraft multiplayer server. He (J) ended up inviting me to a private discord server with her, him, the other friend (I'll call him M), and a bunch of their friends. He (J) was telling me that the other friend (M) didn't really want me there. I have a strong suspicion that she (B) is dating a dude in there (I'll call him S) because she always calls him (S) a nickname every time she (B) talks to him (S), and how he (M) didn't want me in there at all. But I was lurking old messages and I noticed that he (M) also calls him (S) the nickname, but only in text form. So there's a part of me that suspects that its just a nickname that people in his (S) personal life call him. But idk for certain.

Edit: every single time I talk to her my current mental state at that particular time improves. She also has a bunch of the same interests as me, and can keep up with my tism. I want to tell her how I really feel but dont want to make our friendship weird af. Idk what to do.

 

[lecheflanlvr]

i feel the same, i think(?). i find it really hard to express the way i feel everytime but i want someone to listen still, wholeheartedly. possibly even more than just listen but it just seems so impossible for someone like me. i like tons of people but i doubt they'd feel the same way about me becoz i cant even be honest and try to be close, i find those things to be absolutely difficult to accomplish.

 

[FF777]

they aren't just scarecrows though.. we know that there is a conscious soul in there listening to us yap.. and they can respond to us too.. it just helps having a person around to listen to you and care about your rantings.. that isn't even remotely weird at all; it's completely natural human nature..

all my real life friends went our separate ways a long time ago, and i don't have much family, so it sucks being alone for so many years and not having real life people to talk to.. so i usually try talking to this one person in chat rooms a lot, and they are cool and we've known each other for years, but some times they don't provide enough for me.. they don't give me as much feedback as i require some times.. it's almost like talking to a wall some times.. but it still helps a little i guess..

i wish it weren't so hard in this world to find cool friends that click well with you, you know?.. it's like none of the friend-finder apps do very much good, and so how are people supposed to find any one?!?.. people mostly just have to still use the traditional system where you hope you get lucky and randomly bump in to cool people some where.. it's sucky..