Wyldfyre4948
Waiting for my bus
- Jul 12, 2023
- 377
Trying to sleep has become harder every day since my wife left. Last night I didn't sleep at all, but I was able to talk with her some.
For me it is still unlikely she will come home despite knowing the hell I'm in. We haven't spoken in a couple weeks so it was nice to hear her voice again.
So I spent my day off cleaning the apartment, and just trying to busy myself instead of thinking about how I'm going to kms. I wish I could hope she would come back but I'm pretty empty at this point. She knows I still love her and that she means everything to me.
As it stands I'm still going to prepare like she isn't coming back. I won't be able to buy SN or anything for another 2 weeks as it is. I've never been one for patience, and if I could've I'd have bought everything already.
I've been spending a lot of time on this forum. Reading a lot and doing research. I'm defeated though and trying to find a silver lining is impossible. This gives me 2 weeks more to prepare and try to find sets of my favorite figures to give my family after I leave this world.
During these next couple weeks I'll continue researching and preparing. Even though god hasn't answered my prayers yet I'll still pray. Either god will grant me a painless death in my sleep, help reunite me with my wife, or nothing which has been the status quo.
My depression has robbed me of any joy that I could possibly have. I'm actually looking forward to ctb, but I'd love to miss it for her.
For me it is still unlikely she will come home despite knowing the hell I'm in. We haven't spoken in a couple weeks so it was nice to hear her voice again.
So I spent my day off cleaning the apartment, and just trying to busy myself instead of thinking about how I'm going to kms. I wish I could hope she would come back but I'm pretty empty at this point. She knows I still love her and that she means everything to me.
As it stands I'm still going to prepare like she isn't coming back. I won't be able to buy SN or anything for another 2 weeks as it is. I've never been one for patience, and if I could've I'd have bought everything already.
I've been spending a lot of time on this forum. Reading a lot and doing research. I'm defeated though and trying to find a silver lining is impossible. This gives me 2 weeks more to prepare and try to find sets of my favorite figures to give my family after I leave this world.
During these next couple weeks I'll continue researching and preparing. Even though god hasn't answered my prayers yet I'll still pray. Either god will grant me a painless death in my sleep, help reunite me with my wife, or nothing which has been the status quo.
My depression has robbed me of any joy that I could possibly have. I'm actually looking forward to ctb, but I'd love to miss it for her.
