Venting SI hitting hard?

[disorder]

as the title says im closer to death than i have ever been, i finally see a escape. everything's getting worse but for some reason my mind is now becoming more afraid of dying and a little bit of hope is appearing (?) tf i can't do this anymore i'm even becoming physically ill i can't live like this i'm doomed i know that, i won't be able to be a functional person like normal human beings, nothing has helped me and at this point i have lot of trauma related with psychiatrists and psychologists and meds not working that i don't consider help anymore. i'm so lost and scared

 

[ElfenLied]

Maybe you've been thinking about it too much, and it's causing you a little anxiety, making you fearful.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like a difficult situation to be in, when you wish to leave this world and permanently end all the suffering yet you are having fears and doubts. It's like the survival instinct exists just to prolong our torment and keep us trapped here so we just suffer more. It does make sense wishing to be free from this world when your experience of existing just gets worse and worse and of course it sounds both tiring and awful what you have to go through but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[jay308]

If you are seeing a little hope then hold onto it. If you are not sure then its not your time.

 

[Kurushii]

I have the same feeling too sometimes. I hate it because I'm so close but my mind is in turmoil whether to live or die. Like AverageJoe said if you're not completely sure about ctb, then forcing oneself to try again probably won't even work. It's definitely a hard situation to be in for sure.

 

[Outandproud]

The most important decision of your life. Take ur time. Im here if u want to chat

 

[Uber]

@disorder How are you feeling today?

 

[Eucalyptus72]

I am there too! So want to but maybe have to settle down first.