Should I prepare my family ?

[saturn1402]

I've been open about being suicidal with my parents. They ofc don't understand it but they showed a lot of empathy and they did not judge me.

Although I know it will be devastating to them I really want to make sure they won't be caught off guard. What I noticed is that most people don't actually believe you are going to ctb.

I want to have a conversation with them. I won't tell them I will ctb but I want to express that it might happen and I want to ask them what I can do to make it easier for them if that happens…

what's your opinion?

 

[banger12]

I understand your desire, I've been there. But in my opinion it's too risky, especially if they are aware you do have suicidal thoughts. It can be done but it's hard. These kinds of references cause alarm among parents and they notice stuff. They'll likely be more suspicious.

Of course its a reasonable desire and I don't want to tell you what to do. Overtly tell them if you want. But I've tried doing the same thing and it created more problems than it was worth.

 

[dingokettle3531]

I've been open about being suicidal with my parents. They ofc don't understand it but they showed a lot of empathy and they did not judge me.

Although I know it will be devastating to them I really want to make sure they won't be caught off guard. What I noticed is that most people don't actually believe you are going to ctb.

I want to have a conversation with them. I won't tell them I will ctb but I want to express that it might happen and I want to ask them what I can do to make it easier for them if that happens…

what's your opinion?

As empathetic and caring as they might be, precisely because of that I wouldn't tell them anything, it'll only make them feel alarmed and you might get sent into a mental health institution

 

[saturn1402]

I understand your desire, I've been there. But in my opinion it's too risky, especially if they are aware you do have suicidal thoughts. It can be done but it's hard. These kinds of references cause alarm among parents and they notice stuff. They'll likely be more suspicious.

Of course it's a reasonable desire and I don't want to tell you what to do. Overtly tell them if you want. But I've tried doing the same thing and it created more problems than it was worth.

little background: I am 30 years old and been living abroad for over 10 years. They don't speak any English and they don't know anyone in the country I live in. Plus I know that would never call police or ambulance..

As empathetic and caring as they might be, precisely because of that I wouldn't tell them anything, it'll only make them feel alarmed and you might get sent into a mental health institution

That's what my ex did to me… it was horrible

 

[Jadeith]

Question is not that simple and the answer is even trickier and could be more than one.
See, it all depends if you are open to getting help. Because if you share your thoughts with anyone who cares about you and has any real physical influence on your life, they will naturally attempt to help you. May it be pushing you into therapy or, as mentioned before, confining you into mental institution, getting heavy meds - you name it. Are you open to that? Or you just want to end it all, leave and not bother with any attempts to change current state of your mind? Because, to be completely honest, there's nothing you can say to ease their pain if you decide to go. No matter how elaborate convincing you muster, there will be pain, there will be suffering, wondering "what if" and "what could we wave done to prevent it from happening. So, if you want to talk only to ease their upcoming trauma - not gonna happen. You won't succeed and all you can possibly get is an attempt to stop you with any means necessary. But, if you see the option that you might want to stay alive a bit longer and maybe try to feel better (no guarantees of course) then talking to them, even without direct asking for help might be a good idea.

 

[saturn1402]

Question is not that simple and the answer is even trickier and could be more than one.
See, it all depends if you are open to getting help. Because if you share your thoughts with anyone who cares about you and has any real physical influence on your life, they will naturally attempt to help you. May it be pushing you into therapy or, as mentioned before, confining you into mental institution, getting heavy meds - you name it. Are you open to that? Or you just want to end it all, leave and not bother with any attempts to change current state of your mind? Because, to be completely honest, there's nothing you can say to ease their pain if you decide to go. No matter how elaborate convincing you muster, there will be pain, there will be suffering, wondering "what if" and "what could we wave done to prevent it from happening. So, if you want to talk only to ease their upcoming trauma - not gonna happen. You won't succeed and all you can possibly get is an attempt to stop you with any means necessary. But, if you see the option that you might want to stay alive a bit longer and maybe try to feel better (no guarantees of course) then talking to them, even without direct asking for help might be a good idea.

Nono I am genuinely not asking for help. I tried everything and they know it.

What made me want to talk to them is that i always believe that if only they knew how short the time they have left maybe i can do or say something to ease the pain or make them not blame themselves…

 

[Jadeith]

maybe i can do or say something to ease the pain or make them not blame themselves…

Sorry but no. If they really care about you, there's nothing you can say to change the above.
Look - every time somebody dies, in general, those close to them suffer. One way or another. Even if it was because of the age and death was peaceful, ie. in the sleep.
If it was accident - there will be additional factor "oh, their life was cut short, they could enjoy it a bit longer"
If it was disease - "wish we could do sth to lessen the suffering and to extend their happy life"
But, if it's a suicide, that's whole lot different can of worms. No matter what you say, those close to you WILL blame themselves that they couldn't ease your pain, make you see the world in brighter light, encourage you to stay longer etc. They might agree and understand your reasons but deep inside they will blame themselves till the end of their lives. And i'm not saying this to guilt trip you. I'm just describing general reaction people tend have when faced with death in general and suicide in particular.

 

[saturn1402]

Sorry but no. If they really care about you, there's nothing you can say to change the above.
Look - every time somebody dies, in general, those close to them suffer. One way or another. Even if it was because of the age and death was peaceful, ie. in the sleep.
If it was accident - there will be additional factor "oh, their life was cut short, they could enjoy it a bit longer"
If it was disease - "wish we could do sth to lessen the suffering and to extend their happy life"
But, if it's a suicide, that's whole lot different can of worms. No matter what you say, those close to you WILL blame themselves that they couldn't ease your pain, make you see the world in brighter light, encourage you to stay longer etc. They might agree and understand your reasons but deep inside they will blame themselves till the end of their lives. And i'm not saying this to guilt trip you. I'm just describing general reaction people tend have when faced with death in general and suicide in particular.

Thank you so so much for taking time to write this answer … it really resonated with me