Should I Break Up With My GF?

[moonmoon]

Hi all, I don't have friends so I'm seeking anyone's advice here... I really love my GF, but she non stop lies about quiting smoking. She'll always say, "oh I won't lie next time!" And I'll always be lied too next time. After the like 10th time of her breaking my trust, I decided I'd never trust her again. She says she only lies about smoking, but why would I trust the lying liars word on it? Now, I think she lies about a lot. She asked if she could have a friend over. I said okay, and then a little bit before the friend was over, she said "oh I thought I told you it was 2 people." She has bad ADHD so I wanted to believe she forgot to mention it was 2 people, but my heart says she's lying. Just like she's lied before.

It sucks because I really like being with her, and she makes me happy. I love spending time with her, and she always makes me smile. I'd say everything else in the relationship is great, yet I just can't find myself to trust her about anything anymore. It's like I almost do trust her on some things, but there's this kernel of doubt that stresses me out. I really thought she was the one, so it makes me really sad. Any tips on repairing trust?

Breaking up also sucks because I don't want to move back home, but I can't afford to live alone. So, if you answer yes, give me some tips about living out of my car, haha.

I must note that I told her she had to quit smoking if she wanted to keep dating at the start of the relationship almost 3 years ago now. I've put up with her constant lying for around 3 years and I'm losing faith in her. I've tried being supportive in every way. I've never yelled at her for relapsing; I've only offered help and alternatives. It never mattered she just keeps lying.

 

[Carrot]

My initial reaction is that I don't think this is about trust. Maybe she wants to stop smoking but is unable to for whatever reason, it might be difficult. Think of it as an addiction.

She says she only lies about smoking

Oh. Really, her words? Did she really say she was lying?

I don't see the issue with the inviting-friends-thing. I don't think it is a big deal.

These issues seem entirely solvable. Talk to her, not us. If 3 years later she is still smoking, then maybe time for some different approach. And if this is truly a big deal breaker for you and she isn't willing to stop, then so be it, you are incompatible in such case.

 

[lastappleonearth]

Hi all, I don't have friends so I'm seeking anyone's advice here... I really love my GF, but she non stop lies about quiting smoking. She'll always say, "oh I won't lie next time!" And I'll always be lied too next time. After the like 10th time of her breaking my trust, I decided I'd never trust her again. She says she only lies about smoking, but why would I trust the lying liars word on it? Now, I think she lies about a lot. She asked if she could have a friend over. I said okay, and then a little bit before the friend was over, she said "oh I thought I told you it was 2 people." She has bad ADHD so I wanted to believe she forgot to mention it was 2 people, but my heart says she's lying. Just like she's lied before.

It sucks because I really like being with her, and she makes me happy. I love spending time with her, and she always makes me smile. I'd say everything else in the relationship is great, yet I just can't find myself to trust her about anything anymore. It's like I almost do trust her on some things, but there's this kernel of doubt that stresses me out. I really thought she was the one, so it makes me really sad. Any tips on repairing trust?

Breaking up also sucks because I don't want to move back home, but I can't afford to live alone. So, if you answer yes, give me some tips about living out of my car, haha.

I must note that I told her she had to quit smoking if she wanted to keep dating at the start of the relationship almost 3 years ago now. I've put up with her constant lying for around 3 years and I'm losing faith in her. I've tried being supportive in every way. I've never yelled at her for relapsing; I've only offered help and alternatives. It never mattered she just keeps lying.

I think it's probably not the best idea to ask strangers on some forum if you should break up with your gf.
But me personally, if I was in a similar situation, I wouldn't break up with her, if I really loved her. But then again, that's what I'd do and for me smoking wouldn't be such a big issue anyways. Honestly I think that it could be a possibility that you'd have to just accept that she smokes and probably won't quit, if you wanna stay with her. But yeah, just talk to her about it

 

[Carrot]

What about smoking bothers you?

There are also vapes, tobacco heaters which are similar but very different in some regards, such as no smell.
Maybe she would prefer those.

Obviously preferably don't smoke, but if you have to, I highly recommend looking into alternatives. Is what I tell people.

 

[pepperfarmer]

Voted yes, mostly because I feel that if you're incapable of trusting her then the relationship is gonna start falling apart either on your front or hers.

Most smokers are generally incapable of quitting cold turkey, so its not surprising that she didn't quit after saying she would. That's just how it is. If she's been smoking for a long time then she'd basically have to lock herself away for weeks as Nicotine withdrawal is painful and takes a very strong will to pull through.

 

[SASU-KE]

I always say smoke the smokers. If you're invading my air space you're getting shot down.Thumbs down for her.

 

[TheShadowQueen]

There's no point in being in a relationship if you think your partner is a "liar". On top of that if smoking is such a dealbreaker and you're gonna just hold animosity against her for it just leave before things get toxic in the relationship.

 

[Rounwytha]

Everybody lies, if she tells little white lies like this it isn't a big deal
You need to focus on if she actually says big lies or does bad actions. Does she have other guys on her phone? Does she lie about them? Does she lie about her exes?

On a sidenote: do not breakup lol, you would litterally be fucking yourself over by breaking up over a minor issue and having to move back, lying about smoking doesn't show her innate dishonesty as addicts will break every rule they have for their addiction, you should instead be a good bf and support her

 

[noname223]

I think it's probably not the best idea to ask strangers on some forum if you should break up with your gf.
But me personally, if I was in a similar situation, I wouldn't break up with her, if I really loved her. But then again, that's what I'd do and for me smoking wouldn't be such a big issue anyways. Honestly I think that it could be a possibility that you'd have to just accept that she smokes and probably won't quit, if you wanna stay with her. But yeah, just talk to her about it

I fully agree with it. Asking strangers on the internet is not good in this instance.

But if someone forced me to answer. I am pretty sure I would not break up with her. I am not sure whether it is about trust. People lie all the time for various reasons. Maybe she is even lying to herself.

I have to say I am a very desperate person when it comes to finding a significant other. And concerning hard drugs or weed I had a hard time to find a compromise. I rejected someone inter alia because of heavy drug use. But I was in a short relationship with someone who smoked. Which is funny because as child and teenager I was extremely intolerant towards people who smoke. And even kissing her wasn't that horrible for me. There was a slight taste. I think she didn't smoke before kissing. But I realized I am pretty bad at kissing. But the smoking per se it was way less of an issue for me that I expected it to be. But on most other issues she felt like an extremely good fit and a completely amazing person.

 

[darksouls]

I think you should accept a person as they are,
if your girlfriend smoked before you met,
then you have to accept that she smokes