Shooting myself tonight.

[gurgulur]

Won't bore anyone with an explanation. I'm just not good at life. I'm not good at maintaining being alive successfully. I'm at my mom's. When they go to bed, i'm taking the pistol from the office and packing a few beers in my backpack and walking down to the river. I think i'll actually shoot myself this time.

I guess if i was really serious about completing it, I just wouldn't tell anyone or bring it up. I guess i just want to maybe share my feelings with people. Maybe be talked out of it. I feel set on it though. I know my family and friends will never see this post but im gonna say my apologies into the ether anyways. Im sorry for everything. I wish i could have been different and better. I'm sorry for fucking the band up and ruining my most important friendships. I hope me doing this gives you guys some level of comfort or satisfaction. But i also hope you feel regret for the way Ive been treated, I guess. I dunno. Anyways. Pot pie time then waiting til dark. I hope there just isn't anything after.

 

[whywere]

Might be a REALLY bad idea and mode of ctb.

I am 100% pro-choice, however, I never ever want anyone to wind up in a hospital or hospice messed up for life.

PLEASE reconsider, as you are way too valuable of a person for this maybe type of hell in a hospital.

Hugs and YOU ARE family here always.

Walter

 

[pleaseletmeleave]

I'm sorry you're feeling the way you're feeling. I'm on this site so I clearly relate to everything you feel. You're not alone. I'm pro choice, but in your case, you need someone to tell you to stay so I will tell you to stay. It doesn't have to be forever, but clearly you're not ready now so stay a little while longer. Or a lot longer. Like the previous person said, you are valuable and you matter! Just take some more time and fully think this decision through

 

[SilentVelvet]

If that is what you truly want, then I wish you the best

 

[maggineko]

Hey! Do take the time to reconsider it. I hear a lot of people say ctb by firearm is effective, but I've also seen people who suffer from crazy injuries by this method and ended up in worser conditions than they were before attempting to ctb. It's a dangerous bet.

If you're really set on it, I don't think any words could change your mind, but please remember it's totally okay to do so and to back out if it comes to you that you want to choose life. Choosing to continue uncertain life is infinitely scarier than choosing final death. You seem like a sincere person. And hey, everybody is capable of change, for worse, yes, but for better too, even if it takes time.

Would you be open to talking to me a little? You mentioned something about a band. What do you play? What genre? What songs and genres do you like? I love post-hardcore.

 

[gurgulur]

Hey! Do take the time to reconsider it. I hear a lot of people say ctb by firearm is effective, but I've also seen people who suffer from crazy injuries by this method and ended up in worser conditions than they were before attempting to ctb. It's a dangerous bet.

If you're really set on it, I don't think any words could change your mind, but please remember it's totally okay to do so and to back out if it comes to you that you want to choose life. Choosing to continue uncertain life is infinitely scarier than choosing final death. You seem like a sincere person. And hey, everybody is capable of change, for worse, yes, but for better too, even if it takes time.

Would you be open to talking to me a little? You mentioned something about a band. What do you play? What genre? What songs and genres do you like? I love post-hardcore

i kinda like everything sporadic. mr bungle, domi and jd beck, thundercat, beatles, lots of stuff. our sound was kind of a rock kinda thing. indie maybe. i dunno. nothing too crazy new sounding. just generic small town band music hah

 

[fadedghost]

Won't bore anyone with an explanation. I'm just not good at life. I'm not good at maintaining being alive successfully. I'm at my mom's. When they go to bed, i'm taking the pistol from the office and packing a few beers in my backpack and walking down to the river. I think i'll actually shoot myself this time.

I guess if i was really serious about completing it, I just wouldn't tell anyone or bring it up. I guess i just want to maybe share my feelings with people. Maybe be talked out of it. I feel set on it though. I know my family and friends will never see this post but im gonna say my apologies into the ether anyways. Im sorry for everything. I wish i could have been different and better. I'm sorry for fucking the band up and ruining my most important friendships. I hope me doing this gives you guys some level of comfort or satisfaction. But i also hope you feel regret for the way Ive been treated, I guess. I dunno. Anyways. Pot pie time then waiting til dark. I hope there just isn't anything after.

this seems like something you really shouldn't do

musicians in bands, when the band breaks up, it's like devastating, like a relationship breakup. you seem super young, people make mistakes. go get therapy or something, this is way too sudden. have you even tried to get better?

this is the sort of sudden needless suicide that makes no sense. i am pro-choice, but believe people should at least try to get better and not do this as a reaction to something if it could be possible to feel better in a year.

 

[applepie]

As others have mentioned, using a firearm can go terribly wrong - especially if you are drunk and sloppy.

 

[maggineko]

i kinda like everything sporadic. mr bungle, domi and jd beck, thundercat, beatles, lots of stuff. our sound was kind of a rock kinda thing. indie maybe. i dunno. nothing too crazy new sounding. just generic small town band music hah

You're unbelievably cool...and you put me on a couple new stuff. The Beatles I know, and Thundercat, but I'll give the others you mentioned a listen. Does your band do covers or original songs? Don't think we're remotely in the same area, let alone country, but would've loved to attend a gig if your band was playing at any!

 

[jakethesnake]

Won't bore anyone with an explanation. I'm just not good at life. I'm not good at maintaining being alive successfully. I'm at my mom's. When they go to bed, i'm taking the pistol from the office and packing a few beers in my backpack and walking down to the river. I think i'll actually shoot myself this time.

I guess if i was really serious about completing it, I just wouldn't tell anyone or bring it up. I guess i just want to maybe share my feelings with people. Maybe be talked out of it. I feel set on it though. I know my family and friends will never see this post but im gonna say my apologies into the ether anyways. Im sorry for everything. I wish i could have been different and better. I'm sorry for fucking the band up and ruining my most important friendships. I hope me doing this gives you guys some level of comfort or satisfaction. But i also hope you feel regret for the way Ive been treated, I guess. I dunno. Anyways. Pot pie time then waiting til dark. I hope there just isn't anything after.

you sound like a cool person, this world needs good people like you.

 

[praythestars]

Well, good luck either way. Let us know what you decide if you're still with us.

 

[darksouls]

best of luck, I hope you find the peace you desire

 

[astaroth81]

Everything you said I can relate to. I fucking suck at this life. There isn't one aspect of my life at the moment or in any past moment for at least 10+ yrs that isn't completely fucked.

I view it as a SIM life bar being red for every area. I'm not going to try and talk you out of it. In my case, I wish I would have done it and got it over with at age 15 when I first held a gun to my head.

Shit doesn't get any better, it's all downhill from here. Could have saved myself and more importantly many others from endless dilemma I always cause cuz I can never do the simplest of shit correctly.

Just bear in mind the one thing that will be worse than failing at life will be to also fall in death. If you are going to shoot yourself in the head, make sure you know what you're doing.

Pictured is Derek Pfaf who tried to kill himself with a shotgun blast to the head at age 19. He mercilessly survived and does not remember the attempt. Don't be like this guy.

Hope you reconsider.

 

[instormdrains]

Are you still with us im worried about you big bro

 

[telekon]

Are you still with us im worried about you big bro

I wanna know too... it's sad because they were probably killing themselves due to the pressure that is being put on them by the mom. Obviously they were maintaining being alive even if they were being helped by their parent, but parents want to make you feel like you are "leeching" off of them. That is such a stupid idea to me. If you're gonna bring more people to hellscape earth you better teach them how to make it not hell, or expect to be helping them longer than maybe your friends had to help their kids.

Boomers are so fucking stupid. I'm sorry if you're a boomer reading but I can't stand my parent's generation. They laugh about "scamming young folk" and won't stop talking about how stupid millennials and Gen-Z are... while they are all fucking idiots themselves.

 

[awarmnonexistence]

Hey friend, please make sure you know exactly what you're doing if you do decide to ctb, a wrong angle or slip up could cost you many more years of even worse suffering

 

[gurgulur]

Are you still with us im worried about you big bro

I'm awake, i got too drunk and uncomfortable with the idea. I may try again tonight.

I wanna know too... it's sad because they were probably killing themselves due to the pressure that is being put on them by the mom. Obviously they were maintaining being alive even if they were being helped by their parent, but parents want to make you feel like you are "leeching" off of them. That is such a stupid idea to me. If you're gonna bring more people to hellscape earth you better teach them how to make it not hell, or expect to be helping them longer than maybe your friends had to help their kids.

Boomers are so fucking stupid. I'm sorry if you're a boomer reading but I can't stand my parent's generation. They laugh about "scamming young folk" and won't stop talking about how stupid millennials and Gen-Z are... while they are all fucking idiots themselves.

Not the case. My mother has been nothing but wonderful to me. I lived with a friend and that went sideways.

 

[whorror]

I understand your feeling. I've been there before, I ruined relationship and my life in general. I can relate to your feeling. But I just want you know that, whatever you chose, it is okay to back out of CBT any given time. If you are not ready it's not something wrong.

That being said, I wish you peace whatever you decid to do. Just as a warning, if you decide to go through with it, don't shot yourself under the chin, you might survive with nasty consequences to your quality of life afterwards.

Sending hugs!

 

[itsgone2]

I'm awake, i got too drunk and uncomfortable with the idea. I may try again tonight.

It's not easy. I've failed too. Still trying to work up the guts. Going to succeed eventually.