Sexual assault recovery

[imtrying]

I don't really know what to say here. I realized I was sexually assaulted a couple months ago. It wasn't that bad I wasn't raped and it wasn't violent so I feel like I'm just making a big deal out of it. I just can't stop thinking about it. I have a billion questions. Why me? How should I move on?

 

[Well-Edited Chaos]

Hey. I'm so sorry you went through that, and I'm glad it wasn't worse.

One thing that has helped me recover from similar things is a therapeutic method called EMDR. I recommend it highly - fast, effective, and you don't have to relive every godawful moment out loud with the therapist.

I'm also exploring a method called reconsolidation therapy. I actually have an intake appointment with a therapist about it tmrw, so I'll know more after that, but based on what I've read, it can also be fast and effective.

And if I can offer some advice - drop the words "it wasn't that bad" from your vocabulary. Yes, it absolutely could have been a whole lot worse, but that doesn't mean it wasn't horrible. Don't downplay it, to yourself or to others.

 

[imtrying]

One thing that has helped me recover from similar things is a therapeutic method called EMDR. I recommend it highly - fast, effective, and you don't have to relive every godawful moment out loud with the therapist.

I'm also exploring a method called reconsolidation therapy. I actually have an intake appointment with a therapist about it tmrw, so I'll know more after that, but based on what I've read, it can also be fast and effective.

I thought about it but because therapists are mandatory reporters (at least in my country and state) and I don't want to involve the cops I can't tell a therapist. I just don't feel ready for that.

And if I can offer some advise - drop the words "it wasn't that bad" from your vocabulary. Yes, it absolutely could have been a whole lot worse, but that doesn't mean it wasn't horrible. Don't downplay it, to yourself or to others.

Thanks it helps to have a second perspective

 

[Well-Edited Chaos]

because therapists are mandatory reporters (at least in my state and country) and I don't want to involve the cops I can't tell a therapist. I just don't feel ready for that.

Ah, fuck. This is the downside of mandatory reporting.

On the plus side, you seem very self aware - you recognize and are respecting your limits - which is really helpful.

And, as I said in my post, I'm exploring memory reconsolidation therapy tmrw. We'll be doing it entirely via Zoom(!!), as far as I know, so that might be an option for you. However I did have to fill out a lengthy intake form... Maybe if the therapist were in a different jurisdiction than you, with different reporting requirements?

but because therapists are mandatory reporters (at least in my country and state) and I don't want to involve the cops I can't tell a therapist. I just don't feel ready for that.

Further thoughts on the mandatory reporting - I would suggest you reach out to a sexual assault crisis line or support group. There may be nuances in the law you are not aware of that would allow you to get therapy when you're ready, w/o having your autonomy taken away from you AGAIN.

 

[lostwanderer]

I understand you may feel this way. Don't dismiss anything you feel. Don't blame yourself, don't minimize your feelings, you have every right to feel the way you do. You will go through a wide range of emotions. I'm going to share something I don't usually share hoping it may help you to relate or you know others understand. I was sexually assaulted in March by a man I had no relationship other than casual conversation in the parking lot about moving his 28 yr old son in & back to California with his wife. He was supposed to leave but he actually moved in to stay while against the lease. He was hiding from manager.

Complicated story how it came about. I thought maybe I could move on, just put it behind me since I thought he was leaving. I didn't report the assault immediately to police right away because I first thought was he was leaving & i will get through it. And didn't report assault immediately how many treat victims & because there was no penetration, no evidence from rape kit. I didn't want to go through all that so I get it. Then he started stalking me after I blocked any contact attempts. But in my case the things he was doing got worse than just flowers and unsigned cards on my car writing on the elevator wall. I then reported him to police after who said he absolutely sexually assaulted me & should be arrested. They questioned but he wouldn't admit it & since it was his word against mine. I have no evidence of the assault. Local manager did nothing. I got an emergency no contact order no stalking order but it was for only 10 feet. I l called managers boss which had to come from Chicago to meet me in person the next day & no trespassed him from the building. Police say he's dangerous and to go through the plenary. So I have plenary hearing Thursday where he may be present and I have to testify. I could be cross examined if he has lawyer or if he represents himself he can cross examine me. I had a lawyer with the only legal assistant program and they dropped me later when they realized he is a client of theirs. I have no lawyer but legal advocate. I'm a mess physically and emotionally. If you are too it's understandable. The sense of safety I had even in my own secured building is gone. I was already struggling before this happened but I took a bad nose and don't want to have to do this. But not only need to for my safety but am doing it for other women who have been assaulted to send messages to men that it's not ok. I have wanted to CTB over this. What he did wasn't the worst thing but made me feel very violated, manipulated, powerless and afraid. It destroys your trust in people and questions your own ability. In my place seeing my psychologist is a must to get through this and reaching out to advocacy groups. That helps.

I'm open to a more one of one private discussion if you ever need support, validation & need to share. I'm so sorry you experienced it, and it's not your fault. It's ok to feel anything you feel.

 

[Well-Edited Chaos]

I was sexually assaulted in March

Hey, @lostwanderer. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

And it sounds like everything you've been through since has been just awful. I hope things start to turn around for you at Thursday's hearing.

 

[BasqueClown]

I was sexual abused by ex fiancee
I was unconscious but woke up with a huge pain and I made a police report
But the problem that 1) It was in pandemic and local hospital doesn't have medical exploration to check the abuse
2) unfortunately lesbian abuse is more complicated to proof fuck mysoginist society
3) She coerced me to put me in the street if I don't desist with the denounce
4) Only with the second police report a serious investigation began, I ran away as soon I had a wire transfer for my family to move into other city

 

[imtrying]

On the plus side, you seem very self aware - you recognize and are respecting your limits - which is really helpful.

Thanks

And, as I said in my post, I'm exploring memory reconsolidation therapy tmrw. We'll be doing it entirely via Zoom(!!), as far as I know, so that might be an option for you. However I did have to fill out a lengthy intake form... Maybe if the therapist were in a different jurisdiction than you, with different reporting requirements?

Further thoughts on the mandatory reporting - I would suggest you reach out to a sexual assault crisis line or support group. There may be nuances in the law you are not aware of that would allow you to get therapy when you're ready, w/o having your autonomy taken away from you AGAIN.

I never thought about seeing a therapist outside of my jurisdiction, and I appreciate all of your advice. I'm going to ask the RAINN hotline if I have any options regarding therapy. Thanks for your advice!

 

[degeneratewaste]

hey OP, i have experienced many instances of sexual abuse. i'm truly sorry that you have gone through that, it is some super fucked up shit. i wish there was something that i could say to help you through it.

i don't know where in the world you are located, but here in the UK there are many sexual assault and rape charities/organisations in most areas that you can contact and they will provide you with support and counselling. i have used 2 both in the midlands and in yorkshire, but again i can't really speak for other countries. there may be something similar and they were really helpful to me in my times of need.

if you ever need to talk about it to somebody who understands my messages are open. i really wish you luck with finding help, i still struggle as a result of what has happened to me a lot so i know how fucked it feels such a short time since the assault took place. <3

 

[lostwanderer]

hey OP, i have experienced many instances of sexual abuse. i'm truly sorry that you have gone through that, it is some super fucked up shit. i wish there was something that i could say to help you through it.

i don't know where in the world you are located, but here in the UK there are many sexual assault and rape charities/organisations in most areas that you can contact and they will provide you with support and counselling. i have used 2 both in the midlands and in yorkshire, but again i can't really speak for other countries. there may be something similar and they were really helpful to me in my times of need.

if you ever need to talk about it to somebody who understands my messages are open. i really wish you luck with finding help, i still struggle as a result of what has happened to me a lot so i know how fucked it feels such a short time since the assault took place. <3

Thanks. I'm in the US and have contacted a couple places for help. Was supposed to have hearing last week but the guy is asking for another extension dragging it out. I have no peace. I also live with horrible physical pain and I have zero quality of life. I want to CTB but haven't yet because I don't want to hurt anyone but don't know how much longer I can take the physical and emotional pain. I had PTSD before this happened and it just made everything worse. I'm tired. I just want relief. This is not living.