Story No one actually wants to talk about sexual assault, they just want to get mad at the Bad Guy

[maggotsfromjez]

this is something i've realized more and more as time goes on. i tried to kill myself tonight by drinking myself to death, but i woke up on the floor a few hours later with weird swedish music playing in my headphones and unable to move. i just regained consciousness and mobility and tried venting to my friend about how fucking frustrated i feel about how no one takes sexual assault seriosuly, but genuinely no one wants to discuss anything regarding that topic beyond "Big Scary Evil Man bad, Sad Broken Pretty Woman is a victim that will never heal and we can all be mad at the Big Scary Evil Man"

I was first of all groomed by a woman so that immediately does not include me in any conversation where the perpetuator is a Big Scary Evil Man because no one wants to hear about a woman doing it. I'm not fucking stupid and I obviously know that men are the majority when it comes to perpetuators, but the fact that people either don't take me seriously or just ignore me when I bring up a queer female abuser feels so fucking odd and isolating.

Secondly, people only care about sexual assault if they get to have a fun time talking about the abuser with no regard for the victim. If my abuser had been an ugly gross old man lurking in the bushes, I have no doubt that the police and general society would have immediately believed me, because that kind of person would be easier to villainize and make fun of. A popular, charismatic, queer woman that is way more popular and influential in her local community than I could ever be? That's not fun to talk about or make fun of at all, so people turn to either questioning if I'm telling the truth or just brushing me off as hysterical. That's the thing, whenever I try to bring up my trauma at all, I get brushed off as hysterical or people get too uncomfortable to answer.

Am I traumadumping? I honestly don't think so because a friendship to me includes getting to tell the other persson about traumas you've had and how it affected you, provided you also do the same for them. And god fucking damn if I don't listen to people vent all the time and put all my energy into their problems.

No one wants to hear about my stupid cringe sexual assault traumas because not only this fuckass groomer but another person that raped me are both way more popular and likeable than I will ever be. People would rather listen to them because I don't fucking know, something about them makes girls want to fuck them and that apparently means my experience with them is fake. I'm so tired of this.

And I'm especially fucking tired of the fact that I will wake up alive tomorrow. I'm conscious enough to have been ghosted by a close friend while trying to open up to her and then typing out this whole post.

Bottom line, anyone know how I can kill myself for good? I live in Sweden so no legal firearms, most poisons don't kill you, and I've been hospitalized for hanging myself twice and survived both times.

Goddamn I fucning hate living in this world so please do tell me how to end my life. Thank you.

 

[yearsoflonliness]

I'm sorry you've gone through all of that. I do understand how you feel, with people not wanting to listen.

It does suck how 'popular' people can seemingly get away with anything. If people look up to someone, it makes it easier for them to turn the other way when they do something wrong.

There's resources on here you can look at. Nobody can tell you how or what to do. I would just recommend not drinking like that again. It's a horrible way to go. You'll destroy your liver.

 

[Euthanza]

I don't know what to say or how to respond to this accordingly. I'm sorry.
If I may ask, did you report them to the police or having a concrete evidence about it?
I heard there are somekind of therapies for the victims of sexual abuses, may be you should try it if you want to feel better, though it can't change what was happened already, you can try to make sure it won't happen again in the future.

 

[Unicr0n]

Most people don't want to hear about sexual assault in the first place. It's harder for society to accept that women can be rapists because "UMmmm I WOulD toTalLy LOve It If i G0T laId as A Kid [esPeciaLLy my TeaCHer HURHURHURR]". Men think they should get sex and any sex is a win no matter what age. Men run this world and they control what should be considered important for the most part.

It freaking sucks when your assailant is a popular person. You'll have way more people calling you a liar and siding with her. When I tried to open up about a major prominent figure groping my ass I got ridiculed to the ground and called a liar even from him because I didn't have any proof [and he was prepared to bring up a bunch of people to back his side]. I've learned not to tell anyone who's connected positively to the assailant because they'll never believe. I'm pissed off this happened to you. Women can be so fucking predatory but they're never taken seriously or held accountable for what they've done. They get slaps on the wrist/lighter sentencing in court than men who do the same thing.

If you live in the USA, look up your state's Victim Witness Division. My state has a line that is available 24/7 for victims of sexual assault and you can talk to them about how you're feeling at the moment. They aren't therapists but they can be an ear to vent to when you feel like you have no one else.

 

[Kit1]

this is something i've realized more and more as time goes on. i tried to kill myself tonight by drinking myself to death, but i woke up on the floor a few hours later with weird swedish music playing in my headphones and unable to move. i just regained consciousness and mobility and tried venting to my friend about how fucking frustrated i feel about how no one takes sexual assault seriosuly, but genuinely no one wants to discuss anything regarding that topic beyond "Big Scary Evil Man bad, Sad Broken Pretty Woman is a victim that will never heal and we can all be mad at the Big Scary Evil Man"

I was first of all groomed by a woman so that immediately does not include me in any conversation where the perpetuator is a Big Scary Evil Man because no one wants to hear about a woman doing it. I'm not fucking stupid and I obviously know that men are the majority when it comes to perpetuators, but the fact that people either don't take me seriously or just ignore me when I bring up a queer female abuser feels so fucking odd and isolating.

Secondly, people only care about sexual assault if they get to have a fun time talking about the abuser with no regard for the victim. If my abuser had been an ugly gross old man lurking in the bushes, I have no doubt that the police and general society would have immediately believed me, because that kind of person would be easier to villainize and make fun of. A popular, charismatic, queer woman that is way more popular and influential in her local community than I could ever be? That's not fun to talk about or make fun of at all, so people turn to either questioning if I'm telling the truth or just brushing me off as hysterical. That's the thing, whenever I try to bring up my trauma at all, I get brushed off as hysterical or people get too uncomfortable to answer.

Am I traumadumping? I honestly don't think so because a friendship to me includes getting to tell the other persson about traumas you've had and how it affected you, provided you also do the same for them. And god fucking damn if I don't listen to people vent all the time and put all my energy into their problems.

No one wants to hear about my stupid cringe sexual assault traumas because not only this fuckass groomer but another person that raped me are both way more popular and likeable than I will ever be. People would rather listen to them because I don't fucking know, something about them makes girls want to fuck them and that apparently means my experience with them is fake. I'm so tired of this.

And I'm especially fucking tired of the fact that I will wake up alive tomorrow. I'm conscious enough to have been ghosted by a close friend while trying to open up to her and then typing out this whole post.

Bottom line, anyone know how I can kill myself for good? I live in Sweden so no legal firearms, most poisons don't kill you, and I've been hospitalized for hanging myself twice and survived both times.

Goddamn I fucning hate living in this world so please do tell me how to end my life. Thank you.

I hear you and I am with you and totally relate to what you said. I was groomed and raped by various people throughout my childhood and was told to keep quiet whenever I tried to talk. But this is not about me, but about you right now. You are not "trauma dumping" and this is not "cringe" sexual assault traumas. You were sexually abused, sexually assaulted, violated, ripped to shreds at so many levels and something has been repeatedly, violently (and violence doesn't just mean physical aggression) and forcefully taken away from you, your trust in yourself and the human race has been shot down and your ealk probably feels like a walk on nails on a pyre of fire - and what I have said here is probably just lightly touching your pain. I am so sorry that to add to this morning stories and repeated breach of trust and innocence, you have now been made to feel inferior, disbelieved, rejected and made to feel like the outsider as the monstrous rapists/molesters are supposedly popular in a world that refuses to see what rape and sexual assault is for what it is - a crime against humanity and one of the most (if not the most) depraved crimes that one human can commit against another - and we all ourselves humane and talk about humanity - one can almost laugh if it wasn't so painful. I am so sorry. You shouldn't have been cruelly and painfully violated and subjected to such horrendous crimes and I am sorry that those around you cannot see the crime scene that has been left with you to handle alone - people often find this crime too horrific to face up to it and also unfortunately there is even a discrimation and hierarchy of how much sympathy, understanding and support can be given to someone depending on their personal circumstances and those of the criminals.

There are good people out there who are trained to support people like us - including Sweden. Women's rights group, rape crisis, therapists - it is finding the right person or team to support you and walk with you. Have you tried to reach out to any of them and/or would you consider reaching out to them? It wouldn't be easy, but victims do become survivors and some do go on to lead happy lives. I feel fake saying this as I am still walking on nails on that carpet of fire - but have been fortunate to see those glimpses of hope (though right now those glimpses feel like a distant dream). Hope is a wonderful feeling when one is able to grasp at it and you sound like you are far away from that feeling - and I am just wondering that by being able to talk about or try to deal with that pain whether you might be able to start grasping on to hope? Sharing what actually happened is better done with someone trained to provide that support as it could be triggering for yourself and others - happy to listen if you would like to pm me. I can listen - if you might find that helpful.

As for death - we have died and continue to live a 100 deaths a day. But should we really be the ones to die? Do we not have a right to live in thsi world where monsters who commit such atrocities continue to live as normal? I don't know the answer - if I did, I would not be on this forum as I would either be dead or living my life in totality. But something to think about.

I am really sorry if I have hurt you or offended you - that is not my intention. There is something about this unshakeable pain that comes from being raped and hearing someone else going through that pain and wanting to just reach out to say that you are not alone, you have done nothing wrong and you are the victim not the aggressor and you have a right to own the truth no matter what anyone else says. Sending you lots and lots of hugs and warm wishes. Take care.

 

[melancholymallory03]

this is something i've realized more and more as time goes on. i tried to kill myself tonight by drinking myself to death, but i woke up on the floor a few hours later with weird swedish music playing in my headphones and unable to move. i just regained consciousness and mobility and tried venting to my friend about how fucking frustrated i feel about how no one takes sexual assault seriosuly, but genuinely no one wants to discuss anything regarding that topic beyond "Big Scary Evil Man bad, Sad Broken Pretty Woman is a victim that will never heal and we can all be mad at the Big Scary Evil Man"

I was first of all groomed by a woman so that immediately does not include me in any conversation where the perpetuator is a Big Scary Evil Man because no one wants to hear about a woman doing it. I'm not fucking stupid and I obviously know that men are the majority when it comes to perpetuators, but the fact that people either don't take me seriously or just ignore me when I bring up a queer female abuser feels so fucking odd and isolating.

Secondly, people only care about sexual assault if they get to have a fun time talking about the abuser with no regard for the victim. If my abuser had been an ugly gross old man lurking in the bushes, I have no doubt that the police and general society would have immediately believed me, because that kind of person would be easier to villainize and make fun of. A popular, charismatic, queer woman that is way more popular and influential in her local community than I could ever be? That's not fun to talk about or make fun of at all, so people turn to either questioning if I'm telling the truth or just brushing me off as hysterical. That's the thing, whenever I try to bring up my trauma at all, I get brushed off as hysterical or people get too uncomfortable to answer.

Am I traumadumping? I honestly don't think so because a friendship to me includes getting to tell the other persson about traumas you've had and how it affected you, provided you also do the same for them. And god fucking damn if I don't listen to people vent all the time and put all my energy into their problems.

No one wants to hear about my stupid cringe sexual assault traumas because not only this fuckass groomer but another person that raped me are both way more popular and likeable than I will ever be. People would rather listen to them because I don't fucking know, something about them makes girls want to fuck them and that apparently means my experience with them is fake. I'm so tired of this.

And I'm especially fucking tired of the fact that I will wake up alive tomorrow. I'm conscious enough to have been ghosted by a close friend while trying to open up to her and then typing out this whole post.

Bottom line, anyone know how I can kill myself for good? I live in Sweden so no legal firearms, most poisons don't kill you, and I've been hospitalized for hanging myself twice and survived both times.

Goddamn I fucning hate living in this world so please do tell me how to end my life. Thank you.

I wish people spoke about female predators more often to spread awareness on how they can do it too. I was s a by my next door neighbour who was a female for a years, and I never told anyone because of my fear of being judged, …people usually have a vision in there mind of what they think an abuser or r6p!st looks like and I think that's so harmful and bad, we should be spreading awareness about the behaviours not the genders like…. I'd never come forward about the same gender sa me and how she was a teenager a bit older. I just know the evidence wasn't there and nobody would believe me. This is not right society is horrible and broken I'm so sorry this happened to you.

…………my sa with a man, probably would of felt a bit more " believed " because there was hard evidence on his computer and his home
I was forced to come out due to footage being leaked….. also two other girls came out and police did respond in a warmer way because we were all younger. ….
My only non scary interaction with police …… where I'm from they are a bit petty and use fear tactics. Another topic tho…now I'm trauma dumping lmaoo but yeah I'm so sorry this is not okay , like can't we do better than this …from the bottom of my soul I wish you peace from you're suffering I hope you can heal from what happened whatever that would mean for you~

 

[uncat_]

we have died and continue to live a 100 deaths a day. But should we really be the ones to die? Do we not have a right to live in thsi world where monsters who commit such atrocities continue to live as normal?

shit.. that passage is actually beautiful.