Discussion sensitive topic: do you think it’s fair to bring life into the world when you have suicidal ideation?

[Aleksandra]

i often have this conversation with my friend who lost her mum to suicide. by all means i think anyone has the right to do as they please, but do you think bringing a child into the world knowing you're going to ctb is okay?

my dad wanted my mum to abort me as they both had severe mental issues, my mum wanted to keep me and it ended up with him ctb and my mum constantly attempted, making my psyche fucked up. some people have kids because they think it'll make their mental health better, but end up ctb anyway. personally i think that's a little selfish, but this idea seems to come a lot from people who have bpd. i personally never want kids because i know it won't cure anything and i'd only scar them. what about you?

i guess insight from people who do have kids and suicidal ideation interests me too.

 

[HGL91]

i often have this conversation with my friend who lost her mum to suicide. by all means i think anyone has the right to do as they please, but do you think bringing a child into the world knowing you're going to ctb is okay?

my dad wanted my mum to abort me as they both had severe mental issues, my mum wanted to keep me and it ended up with him ctb and my mum constantly attempted, making my psyche fucked up. some people have kids because they think it'll make their mental health better, but end up ctb anyway. personally i think that's a little selfish, but this idea seems to come a lot from people who have bpd. i personally never want kids because i know it won't cure anything and i'd only scar them. what about you?

i guess insight from people who do have kids and suicidal ideation interests me too.

I don't think it's fair at all. I think it's awful to bring life into this world when a person has suicide ideation. If the parents suicide, what happens to the kids? The kids have scary, unguided lives!

If someone is bipolar or has suicide ideation, but wants to take care of children while they're alive, they should be foster parents, and improve lives of babies, toddlers, and kids that are already born and need help!

 

[Aleksandra]

I don't think it's fair at all. I think it's awful to bring life into this world when a person has suicide ideation. If the parents suicide, what happens to the kids? The kids have scary, unguided lives!

If someone is bipolar or has suicide ideation, but wants to take care of children while they're alive, they should be foster parents, and improve lives of babies, toddlers, and kids that are already born and need help!

i tried to be as careful with my words as possible because i don't want people on here who do have children to feel even worse than they already do.

but i do think it's unfair, it's most likely your kid who's going to do the same in the future. i've met some really fucked up people in group therapy who want to ctb because of this, it's really sad to see. pro choice for sure on both ends of the spectrum but i do believe you should have a psychological examination first, or at least they give you the option that if you are suffering and don't have the heart to care for them, the healthcare people can help you find foster parents or people willing to adopt

edit: by bpd i mean borderline personality disorder. people with bpd tend to have "favourite person" and they bring a child into their lives to fill the void. and then some actually end up hating them at birth

 

[93.c]

Absolutely not okay. Especially the people who think having kids will fix their problems. Kids are not a tool to use to cope with your mental problems, and someone who thinks kids will fix their life/mental health is clearly unprepared for the level of responsibility it takes to raise a child. Bringing a kid into the world under circumstances like these is possibly the most selfish thing someone can do. If someone isn't ready for another human being to fully depend on them, they should not have children at all. No matter how much they might want to. Period.

 

[sanction]

It is no-brainer. Simply put, if you know you will CTB (or even considering), you are no where near ready to bring a child into this world. It will just create a chain of bad events, with one thing leading to another. Very selfish and stupid

 

[Aleksandra]

It is no-brainer. Simply put, if you know you will CTB (or even considering), you are no where near ready to bring a child into this world. It will just create a chain of bad events, with one thing leading to another. Very selfish and stupid

yeah i was trying to tread very carefully with what i say because i've seen recent posts on here about people who are to give birth or have kids of their own already and have had this issue before they had them/having them. i guess some people think it's okay because they have this idea that the kid will move on. certainly fucking not lol. it's been 12 years since my dad's suicide and i still have nightmares.

 

[sanction]

yeah i was trying to tread very carefully with what i say because i've seen recent posts on here about people who are to give birth or have kids of their own already and have had this issue before they had them/having them. i guess some people think it's okay because they have this idea that the kid will move on. certainly fucking not lol. it's been 12 years since my dad's suicide and i still have nightmares.

Sorry to hear this. Hugs to you. And yes, even for people that don't have issues or complications, most of them still aren't truly ready to bring kids into this world, or truly understand what they are about to face, or cause for the child. So when you are talking about someone who already has suicide ideation or has potential to CTB, its basically playing with fire and recipe for disaster

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

i often have this conversation with my friend who lost her mum to suicide. by all means i think anyone has the right to do as they please, but do you think bringing a child into the world knowing you're going to ctb is okay?

my dad wanted my mum to abort me as they both had severe mental issues, my mum wanted to keep me and it ended up with him ctb and my mum constantly attempted, making my psyche fucked up. some people have kids because they think it'll make their mental health better, but end up ctb anyway. personally i think that's a little selfish, but this idea seems to come a lot from people who have bpd. i personally never want kids because i know it won't cure anything and i'd only scar them. what about you?

i guess insight from people who do have kids and suicidal ideation interests me too.

I totally think it's wrong. Even if people aren't suicidal, they should not bring another lifeform into this world thinking it will make them "Happy & Fulfilled"
Even if people have the "Perfect" marriage, it doesn't mean they should bring another lifeform into this world.

 

[Aleksandra]

Sorry to hear this. Hugs to you. And yes, even for people that don't have issues or complications, most of them still aren't truly ready to bring kids into this world, or truly understand what they are about to face, or cause for the child. So when you are talking about someone who already has suicide ideation or has potential to CTB, its basically playing with fire and recipe for disaster

i just can't wrap my head around it anymore. in the uk it's an issue for people who live off of benefits and living in council homes pump out babies all the time. like, why would you want to give your child a life like that? where you know you can't afford to give them proper meals everyday? an ex friend of mine had a child who's dad was a drug addict, she vowed to have him out of her life after the kid was born, only to have another one with him the next year. all because she didn't have the heart to get rid of it, immediately after the baby was born she attempted suicide. i spent the first 2 months trying to convince her not to have it because all she was doing was telling me her plans for after her child was born. that's why she isn't a friend anymore, i can't watch someone do that and think it's okay, regardless of mental health issues or not

 

[HGL91]

i just can't wrap my head around it anymore. in the uk it's an issue for people who live off of benefits and living in council homes pump out babies all the time. like, why would you want to give your child a life like that? where you know you can't afford to give them proper meals everyday? an ex friend of mine had a child who's dad was a drug addict, she vowed to have him out of her life after the kid was born, only to have another one with him the next year. all because she didn't have the heart to get rid of it, immediately after the baby was born she attempted suicide. i spent the first 2 months trying to convince her not to have it because all she was doing was telling me her plans for after her child was born. that's why she isn't a friend anymore, i can't watch someone do that and think it's okay, regardless of mental health issues or not

So she was planning to have a baby while also planning her suicide?? What is wrong with people!!

 

[Aleksandra]

So she was planning to have a baby while also planning her suicide?? What is wrong with people!!

yep, i told her if that's what she really truly intends, she needs to abort it. her excuse was she couldn't because she's already had a child and doesn't have the heart to. 2 months i was telling her to go through with it. literally after she left the hospital she OD'd holding her child. it goes against all my morals hence why i couldn't continue to support her

 

[BPD_LE]

No, which is why I'm 37 and have never had children. It hurts so much that I am not even capable of being a good mother. But I would never put my child through the hell I went through. So I'm childless. And knowing I've made the right decision doesn't make it any easier.

 

[Aleksandra]

No, which is why I'm 37 and have never had children. It hurts so much that I am not even capable of being a good mother. But I would never put my child through the hell I went through. So I'm childless. And knowing I've made the right decision doesn't make it any easier.

same for me:( i love kids, i could never be a good mother though, and i think a lot of people know that but go ahead and do it anyway. my mum has bpd, and because of that i adopted her traits growing up, and when you have someone dependant on you, you can't just break down as soon as something bad happens. there can never be another end of the world for you

 

[Bea]

i often have this conversation with my friend who lost her mum to suicide. by all means i think anyone has the right to do as they please, but do you think bringing a child into the world knowing you're going to ctb is okay?

my dad wanted my mum to abort me as they both had severe mental issues, my mum wanted to keep me and it ended up with him ctb and my mum constantly attempted, making my psyche fucked up. some people have kids because they think it'll make their mental health better, but end up ctb anyway. personally i think that's a little selfish, but this idea seems to come a lot from people who have bpd. i personally never want kids because i know it won't cure anything and i'd only scar them. what about you?

i guess insight from people who do have kids and suicidal ideation interests me too.

The insight I have to offer is that both my parents committed suicide. Granted, my mother held on for far longer, but ultimately, that's what happened for them both. I am certain that this is why I have grown into a suicidal adult.
Does this mean that I did not adore my parents and get something out of our relationships? Of course not, I love them still. But, yea........
ps ~ i chose not to have children of my own, but that was my choice.

 

[Frank]

Regardless of wanting to ctb I wouldnt have kids because of all my mental issues. Passing on my genes seems like a Dick move

 

[Mr2005]

Not really but it also isn't fair on my girlfriend to leave her alone

 

[alizee]

Fair doesn't exist in this universe.

Therefore, my opinion is my own on this subject and I think a woman can have a baby under any circumstances she imposes for her decision.

Who should judge if someone with suicidal ideation has a permanent state of ideation?
The answer is "the person with the suicidal ideation" and they may think all they need is a child to rid themselves of thinking about ending their life. Basically, the case of having a child can end suicidal ideation.

Should I judge persons for their risky action of attempting to rid themselves of suicidal ideation? No, because for some it may work. I don't judge anyone because free will is an illusion.

As for the kid, well nobody knows how the life will transpire and I've known friends from Hellish upbringings that are enjoying their life. I also know the contrary.

 

[Aleksandra]

Fair doesn't exist in this universe.

Therefore, my opinion is my own on this subject and I think a woman can have a baby under any circumstances she imposes for her decision.

Who should judge if someone with suicidal ideation has a permanent state of ideation?
The answer is "the person with the suicidal ideation" and they may think all they need is a child to rid themselves of thinking about ending their life. Basically, the case of having a child can end suicidal ideation.

Should I judge persons for their risky action of attempting to rid themselves of suicidal ideation? No, because for some it may work. I don't judge anyone because free will is an illusion.

As for the kid, well nobody knows how the life will transpire and I've known friends from Hellish upbringings that are enjoying their life. I also know the contrary.

agree to disagree on this one.

Regardless of wanting to ctb I wouldnt have kids because of all my mental issues. Passing on my genes seems like a Dick move

yeah i don't want my kids to have what i do, especially knowing there's a chance they can inherit it. i know i did xd

The insight I have to offer is that both my parents committed suicide. Granted, my mother held on for far longer, but ultimately, that's what happened for them both. I am certain that this is why I have grown into a suicidal adult.
Does this mean that I did not adore my parents and get something out of our relationships? Of course not, I love them still. But, yea........
ps ~ i chose not to have children of my own, but that was my choice.

i think being exposed to that kind of environment can take a toll on anyone. i have a similar situation as you, except my mum continues to attempt, she hasn't succeeded though. i love my dad unconditionally, and will continue to do so but doesn't change the fact that he hung himself in front of me at 7 you know lol. i've met some people also, who witnessed their parents suicide at a young age, more common than i thought. worst thing you can do to a grown adult let alone a child

 

[MAIO]

i often have this conversation with my friend who lost her mum to suicide. by all means i think anyone has the right to do as they please, but do you think bringing a child into the world knowing you're going to ctb is okay?

my dad wanted my mum to abort me as they both had severe mental issues, my mum wanted to keep me and it ended up with him ctb and my mum constantly attempted, making my psyche fucked up. some people have kids because they think it'll make their mental health better, but end up ctb anyway. personally i think that's a little selfish, but this idea seems to come a lot from people who have bpd. i personally never want kids because i know it won't cure anything and i'd only scar them. what about you?

i guess insight from people who do have kids and suicidal ideation interests me too.

Life isn't fair in general and most people do not have kids based on how fair they think it is. Do you think it's fair to of been born throughout most of history when you would be working the field or in a hunting and gathering society? Do you think it's fair to be born in Saudi Arabia and crucified for witchcraft? Do you think its fair for your people to be genocide?

 

[Mr2005]

i tried to be as careful with my words as possible because i don't want people on here who do have children to feel even worse than they already do.

I think you have been fair for this sentence alone. That level of consideration is rarer than you might think

 

[Aleksandra]

Life isn't fair in general and most people do not have kids based on how fair they think it is. Do you think it's fair to of been born throughout most of history when you would be working the field or in a hunting and gathering society? Do you think it's fair to be born in Saudi Arabia and crucified for witchcraft? Do you think its fair for your people to be genocide?

i don't understand why you're so defensive about it but okay.

I think you have been fair for this sentence alone. That level of consideration is rarer than you might think

it's just a sensitive subject to touch on, even now i can see it offends some people, i'm not going to try and debate with them about it because even when i am replying i feel like i'm about to break the thin ice lol

 

[SerenitySeeker]

Having recurrent suicidal ideation due to chronic depression definitely played an unconscious and conscious part in me deciding against having children. However, I say that now as a person in their early 30's. I can remember being younger and feeling in moments of "remission/recovery" from depression that I wanted children and would someday have them.

I think it takes a lot of hard, honest reflection and truth for some to get to a point to say " I have no business bringing a child into this world because of my desire to not be here", and unfortunately some don't get there until after they have procreated. Add to the fact some really don't think/know they'll ctb in the future.

 

[alizee]

agree to disagree on this one.

If you're going to disagree, state why.

 

[Aleksandra]

If you're going to disagree, state why.

i'm going to have to say no because i only wanted to hear opinions, and because i know for a fact if you already disagree with me, there's simply no point in telling you why.

 

[Mr2005]

I get sick of having to explain myself. Best only start a thread if everyone's going to agree with you

 

[Aleksandra]

Having recurrent suicidal ideation due to chronic depression definitely played an unconscious and conscious part in me deciding against having children. However, I say that now as a person in their early 30's. I can remember being younger and feeling in moments of "remission/recovery" from depression that I wanted children and would someday have them.

I think it takes a lot of hard, honest reflection and truth for some to get to a point to say " I have no business bringing a child into this world because of my desire to not be here", and unfortunately some don't get there until after they have procreated. Add to the fact some really don't think/know they'll ctb in the future.

i mostly meant this for people who do want to/know they will ctb! i think people who have this kind of thoughts should experience what it's like to have a child, and then it'll help them decide. even working at a nursery, or fostering children for a year or so. i know some people found happiness in that and now have children of their own:D

I get sick of having to explain myself. Best only start a thread if everyone's going to agree with you

what? what did i say that was wrong?

 

[Soulless_Angel]

What if mental health problems show up years after having children, what if until the point of a full blown mental break down you think your fine, your safe, your secure, you may have a history of therapy and a bad up bringing, but if you have no *clue* there may be something deep down in you that's unstable as no one has ever picked up on it, and it's only when those children are older, when you realise you have serious issues, become suicidal after 2 rapes, learn you have PTSD, BiPolar, and so on, what then,
Do I just hand my children over to the *ideal* parents with no mental health issues?

 

[Mr2005]

what? what did i say that was wrong?

Nothing. It was just a dig at how it all operates

 

[magick'sgone]

I think it's pretty much the definition of irresponsible. My ex fell pregnant after our first night together, and was adamant she was going to keep it. She was sure a baby would be the cure to her depression. I couldn't get my head around that thinking. We had initially bonded over a mutual desire for self induced death, and all she ever talked about was how she hated life and wanted a way out. The woman already has a teenage son who is clearly affected by his mother's depression, but she was willing to inflict that upon another life just to take the chance that she might feel better. I was pretty sure her plan was to have the baby and then fuck off back to Poland, where she had no job, and I obviously would have struggled due to a very limited grasp of the language. It was like all she was thinking was "cutelittlebabymakeseverythingbetter", and would go ape shit whenever I suggested that was maybe a bit selfish. I guess we all look at things differently.

 

[alizee]

i'm going to have to say no because i only wanted to hear opinions, and because i know for a fact if you already disagree with me, there's simply no point in telling you why.

You assume everyone you communicate with will never change their opinion after reading your reasons why you disagree?