I do not know what to do anymore, I haven't had suicidal thoughts in a while. My life has gone to shit, people like me but I hate myself, I do everything wrong and nothing right. Ive always been too scared to CTB otherwise I would have been done it. I have access to a 9mm pistol but my main concern is shooting myself and ending up braindead instead of "dead". I can't find reasons to live, I can't find reasons to not live? On-top of the fact that I'm really scared to shoot myself, I don't know what to do. I'm lost. I wish I was never born truly, especially because I feel as if my parents weren't ready to have me. Asking questions and blaming people isn't going to get me anywhere. Although I would like to CTB I don't think I will ever be able to. Although I know other people were probably in my boat. Please suggest self harm methods I think thats going to be able to help me for now, im just too stressed.
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