Venting s00ts vent thread.

[smirks00ts]

Just exactly what it sounds. dont mind it much.

my head and heart still hurt from yesterday. im back relapsing to my yearning again and i hate it. I eish I never lived in a country where its impossible to lill yourself properly. I want someone to murder me at this point. whatever it is. as long as I disappear from everyones minds.

 

[hdead]

Just exactly what it sounds. dont mind it much.

my head and heart still hurt from yesterday. im back relapsing to my yearning again and i hate it. I eish I never lived in a country where its impossible to lill yourself properly. I want someone to murder me at this point. whatever it is. as long as I disappear from everyones minds.

Where are you at, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[smirks00ts]

Where are you at, if you don't mind me asking?

KSA. not in the capitals tho. i live in a very small town where not much happens.

 

[hdead]

KSA. not in the capitals tho. i live in a very small town where not much happens.

Sorry, I have no idea what KSA is...

 

[smirks00ts]

Sorry, I have no idea what KSA is...

thats fair, sorry! it stands for Kingdom of Saudi Arabia

 

[smirks00ts]

today was fine.

hung out with friend playing a game. not much else. aside from yt and dinner. however I'm still hurt.

I dont think ill ever let go. I wish I wouldnt let my mistakes defined me.but I fear beinf likenthisnforeve.rj it's 12am. I just want to feel again.
I cant sleep

I haven't been.abke to properly for.a while now

I wish I was gone.

 

[smirks00ts]

it is 3:11pm. im out w family in the car. I am thinking of obtaining a gun somehow. my license training is tommorow which I hope I succeed in because itll open lots of possibility for me. I want to drive to a nearby empty place and shoot myself there. I hope it goes well somewhat. im still thinking.

 

[smirks00ts]

im back home. im well. im thinking of my exes again and thinking that my BPD is fake because im not telling about it every five minutes even tho ive been in emotional burnout since april and all I want to be is a cog. nothing will matter anyway ill just be force to marry a woman and get a job and shit just like everybody else. life doesnt matter and im thinking about guns again.

 

[smirks00ts]

its 11pm. im playing half life
watching a video about indie games I like and all I can think of is my exes and ex friends. I feel empty and i still think of CTB

 

[smirks00ts]

3:40pm

going to my driving license placement exam thing. I have a lot of thoughts. I feel empty and ny stomach oddly hurts. also. thinking of thinfs to say to the ppl i hurt. but I just forget it. and i only do think of it properly oddly enough when im in masjid ( prayer place bscly ). its weird. i like to think im being guided but idk. really. its a lot. fear scares me and uncertainty every time.

 

[smirks00ts]

4:53pm

I passed! my exam is soon. though ny stomach hurts a bit now due to my thoughts.

at least mr having a car soon will mean I can finally be able to CTB easier in a way. since I can kind of just. make shut up to go out and hopefully figure out what to do from there. still thinking of using my dad's old astra cub small shirt pocket pistol since its my only viable option.

 

[smirks00ts]

5:03pm

I have nothing to say. I just want to be either held. or beaten up by people who hate me. I dont know what I want anymore.

I just want to be a corpse.

I hope August comes faster.

 

[smirks00ts]

3:43pm

I miss my exes and ex friends. i fear the future. im alone. im bored and irritated. I really just want to end it.

you might ask "so do it?" but it isnt the easiest for me, especially with me being kind of hedonistic and barely energetic.

thats all.

 

[smirks00ts]

10:06pm

I miss you

 

[smirks00ts]

1:18am

I feel nothing and all I can think of is CTB. my little brother is playing gta online with my cousins. he is having fun. I honestly envy him. I plan to buy sn at some point, I just need to find a supplier who can ship here. thankfully I did find some thru a quick Google search funnily enough but ill try to research it more.