SplitInfrastructure
becoming the lastnames by will wood
- Jun 7, 2023
- 109
I really do want to start 'whoring out' as a coping mechanism, but neither do i want to cheat on my friend or trust anyone new with my body
I've been molested before, had wreid people sneak into my private messages with their gear out unprompted and as much as I was overly sexual as a teenager I'm just avoiding it by a mile now, I've never had sex before this year, but I don't know if it was my medicine dose, or something else- I just couldn't finish, ever did i afterwards, I've moved past what had happened with being touched, but I just can't find any satisfaction in it, like beating it being more of a nightly chore to sleep better
I can do it fine on my own, but when a partner comes into the contact I end up being dry and easily go tired, despite being open about where to touch and how, the closest I can get is just feeling a bit of a rush that just goes away
I dont even have an idea why, but it makes me feel like Im missing something, or have a porn addiction, but nonetheless the thought of messaging some random people on grindr to meet up is a persisting one thats definetly also stopped by thefact that me and my friend being exclusive to each other. I dont mind it, anything with other people is fine untill it gets physical, but I just dont know how to find literally anything that could help me with my sexuality and how i feel during intercourse, I feel so sad when my friend is dissapointed with herself that she couldnt make me finish, so I just fake it because I cant stand her overthinking herself over my problems, which with I am open with her
is it the meds? the recently discovered experience? God knows, I just wish I could share a moment of that dopamine with her and It does make me feel like avoiding it is just better
I've been molested before, had wreid people sneak into my private messages with their gear out unprompted and as much as I was overly sexual as a teenager I'm just avoiding it by a mile now, I've never had sex before this year, but I don't know if it was my medicine dose, or something else- I just couldn't finish, ever did i afterwards, I've moved past what had happened with being touched, but I just can't find any satisfaction in it, like beating it being more of a nightly chore to sleep better
I can do it fine on my own, but when a partner comes into the contact I end up being dry and easily go tired, despite being open about where to touch and how, the closest I can get is just feeling a bit of a rush that just goes away
I dont even have an idea why, but it makes me feel like Im missing something, or have a porn addiction, but nonetheless the thought of messaging some random people on grindr to meet up is a persisting one thats definetly also stopped by thefact that me and my friend being exclusive to each other. I dont mind it, anything with other people is fine untill it gets physical, but I just dont know how to find literally anything that could help me with my sexuality and how i feel during intercourse, I feel so sad when my friend is dissapointed with herself that she couldnt make me finish, so I just fake it because I cant stand her overthinking herself over my problems, which with I am open with her
is it the meds? the recently discovered experience? God knows, I just wish I could share a moment of that dopamine with her and It does make me feel like avoiding it is just better
