Discussion Recurring Fantasies?

[PainRemains]

I daydream very often about getting a terminal illness like stage 4 cancer or something. Any time I'm in a shitty mood and I get a random pain in my chest I can't help but think "oh fuck please be a tumor" lol. I wouldn't have to worry about ctb since I'd be dying anyway.

Anyone else relate or have similar fantasies?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes- it runs through my head the same- with any aches and pains. Realistically though, I'm not sure that many illnesses kill quickly and cleanly. I don't want a drawn out, painful death.

 

[theangelswept]

Yea when I feel this way I buy lots of cigarettes and end up carcino maxxing just so that there's a chance I get lung cancer so I have more excuses to ctb

 

[wordsoutb4sumnelsin]

I daydream very often about getting a terminal illness like stage 4 cancer or something. Any time I'm in a shitty mood and I get a random pain in my chest I can't help but think "oh fuck please be a tumor" lol. I wouldn't have to worry about ctb since I'd be dying anyway.

Anyone else relate or have similar fantasies?

Had vaguely thought of this, and since I can't help but read the news and see people died and yell out "lucky!". Yeah, pretty sure I'd definitely seen people "getting to go" out in those more "normal" ways and, yeah, just felt like they got some luck. I'd trade.

Yes- it runs through my head the same- with any aches and pains. Realistically though, I'm not sure that many illnesses kill quickly and cleanly. I don't want a drawn out, painful death.

But I agree here too. Like seeing Kennedy's family member, around my age in the news. I get jealous of the outcome, but try to remind myself of the luck of hopefully getting to pull a trigger into a quick end.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand as all I wish and hope for is to be gone from this torturous, cruel and deeply undesirable existence and I just always suffer so much from being so cruelly denied the option to cease existing on my own terms with the suffering and torture of existing seen as to force and prolong no matter what.

It's just all so dreadful and terrible and all I envy are those who no longer suffer in this existence I just always saw as a terrible mistake, for me only non-existence is positive in this torturous existence of suffering all for the sake of it, only non-existence can bring me peace from this dreadful existence that I wish was never imposed more than anything, to suffer in this existence is just always an abomination to me.