I hope your post is not a goodbye note. The name "ex-musician" seems a little sad. Music is such a powerful emotional conduit. It is something one can take in as well as give to another. Many who have musical skills can find themselves depleted in giving even to the point where their own ability to draw pleasure from music can be reduced.
I do not know if this is what you have been dealing with, but it is not uncommon. I had several musician friends to whom I confided that the only role I can see for myself in music was that of audience. They laughed and assured me this also was an important role.