Recovering, but feeling hopeless still

[Stardustheaven]

Recently i overdosed on a lot of drugs and was sent to the psych ward due to me confessing my suicidal thoughts to the people there. i didnt really go into the full extent of them, but i will say at first i thought i was really getting better. i was trying to stay off of the internet and work towards being sober again and bettering my life and for a while i had hope it was working, but recently i had a tremendous fuckup moment where i embarassed myself in front of a friend of mine i really respected, and i feel as though i lost the respect of someone who really cared for me when theres very few people in my life who do, and now im back at square one after they asked me to leave them be for the time being, which has me besides myself. i havent relapsed on drugs but i have been fighting my self harm urges again. i feel like a total fuck up, and im not ready to ctb yet, but this solidified my feelings of being an outcast, even around other people like me i cant help but be an embarassing fuck up. im tired of it, but if i self harm, i know id go too far and end up somewhere worse in my life, maybe even homeless. im on the verge of it right now. i dont know what to do except cry about it and hold on to the hollow hope the psych ward tried to instill in me. it was a failure tho, im back to feeling the same numb, depressed way since before i went there. my friends and my family are just appalled and cant believe how pathetic i am, and i can feel it.

 

[Life_and_Death]

sadly the best advice i have for you is that relapsing in actions/feelings is going to happen. youre going to pick yourself up from this one and sadly probably have another one. if recovery was a "one go" then there would be a lot less suicidal people because recovery would be so much easier.

what i try to do is take a deep breath and use it as a learning experience for the next time. with a lot of work the relapses should become more manageable

edit: i also wouldnt try to force it too much. youre allowed to feel things even if theyre negative. sometimes i find it best to just leave me being suicidal for awhile, its my break. trying to keep yourself going forwards at all times is mentally exhausting. you wouldnt expect a marathon runner to just run. you shouldnt have any expectation that you should just get up.

 

[Aim]

Patience is a virtue. Try holding on. Rome wasn't built in a day

 

[Stardustheaven]

sadly the best advice i have for you is that relapsing in actions/feelings is going to happen. youre going to pick yourself up from this one and sadly probably have another one. if recovery was a "one go" then there would be a lot less suicidal people because recovery would be so much easier.

what i try to do is take a deep breath and use it as a learning experience for the next time. with a lot of work the relapses should become more manageable

edit: i also wouldnt try to force it too much. youre allowed to feel things even if theyre negative. sometimes i find it best to just leave me being suicidal for awhile, its my break. trying to keep yourself going forwards at all times is mentally exhausting. you wouldnt expect a marathon runner to just run. you shouldnt have any expectation that you should just get up.

the last part is actually great advice, thank you.