3spiral
the zigzagooner
- Apr 22, 2026
- 119
i was just gonna post this on my profile but i decided to make a thread just because i want interaction plus why not
well, i don't know why am i here again
i wouldn't say i'm sad or anything but there always seems to be this sort of negative, restless energy inside my body that makes me obsessively think about bad things and hurting myself
it's always followed by repression because wishing horrible things for myself feels like a way of invalidating other people who are genuinely struggling in life. i also could be considered attention seeker or dramatic so i would never, never let other people know that i have these thoughts or that i try everything to harm myself (i mean, one person knows, but he's the only one because i felt desperate enough to say things on impulse. he doesn't do anything about it though so it's fine) but to be fair that's mostly because i'm embarassed of being this way, don't want to cause trouble and also don't want to be seen by others, rather than actually caring about other people's opinions. maybe just don't want it to be a big deal
i never had trauma, i never needed something strong to cope with my feelings. i was "alright" until some time ago. i could just keep going with the flow of things and just move on whenever something bad happened but now it seems like i have to ruminate over the smallests things. one moment i'm alright and then out of the sudden i want to see my own blood, and if you questioned it i wouldn't be able to give you a single reason for that
i never joined this site because i was suicidal. i mean, the thought came to my mind a couple times but in reality it just felt like a place with enough tragedy for me to harm my psychological whenever i felt like i needed to, by reading other people's stories. why do i do this? do i hate myself? sometimes i might not feel like i'm "me", and i might hate certain ways my mind works but despite that i don't think i hate myself enough for that to be the reason
whatever makes me have those thoughts, it's strong enough that i ended up this way
i really wish i could know what this is, but at least writing it down made the urge calm down a bit
well, i don't know why am i here again
i wouldn't say i'm sad or anything but there always seems to be this sort of negative, restless energy inside my body that makes me obsessively think about bad things and hurting myself
it's always followed by repression because wishing horrible things for myself feels like a way of invalidating other people who are genuinely struggling in life. i also could be considered attention seeker or dramatic so i would never, never let other people know that i have these thoughts or that i try everything to harm myself (i mean, one person knows, but he's the only one because i felt desperate enough to say things on impulse. he doesn't do anything about it though so it's fine) but to be fair that's mostly because i'm embarassed of being this way, don't want to cause trouble and also don't want to be seen by others, rather than actually caring about other people's opinions. maybe just don't want it to be a big deal
i never had trauma, i never needed something strong to cope with my feelings. i was "alright" until some time ago. i could just keep going with the flow of things and just move on whenever something bad happened but now it seems like i have to ruminate over the smallests things. one moment i'm alright and then out of the sudden i want to see my own blood, and if you questioned it i wouldn't be able to give you a single reason for that
i never joined this site because i was suicidal. i mean, the thought came to my mind a couple times but in reality it just felt like a place with enough tragedy for me to harm my psychological whenever i felt like i needed to, by reading other people's stories. why do i do this? do i hate myself? sometimes i might not feel like i'm "me", and i might hate certain ways my mind works but despite that i don't think i hate myself enough for that to be the reason
whatever makes me have those thoughts, it's strong enough that i ended up this way
i really wish i could know what this is, but at least writing it down made the urge calm down a bit
