Venting Feeling lonely

[pulse1]

Now that summer is here and I have no plans with anyone, a family I'm actively trying to avoid contact with, difficulty finding a part time job for the summer (and the chances are even worse now that we're halfway into summer), and with the summer break no studies that can distract and take up my days, the loneliness is growingly feeling more concrete and real. It's like everyone around me has their life together with friends they hang out with over the summer and trips to other countries with friends or families, or attending events or meeting new people and I feel stuck in the same position I've always felt stuck in for the last 6 years of my life. I know I'm not the only one in this situation and there is a lot to be thankful for in my life as well, and I am really trying to work hard with recovery and keeping my feelings and thoughts in check, but lately i've gotten so worn down from the loneliness that I have came back to this website after so long. The thought that it's gotten so bad that I've "relapsed" back to this website makes me feel even worse.

I feel so ashamed of this loneliness and whenever I've shared it with my boyfriend he just gives advice about me "pushing myself harder day to day to do things I do not like", with as example him currently doing a summer internship job. I've been applying online and asking in real life going up to shop clerks for a part time job just to pass the time and at least find a way to ignore these feelings, and I feel even more like a failure when the only person who cares about me doesn't seem to understand what I'm going through, and I feel so ashamed of my situation and that more than half the summer is already over that I cannot even find the words to explain my situation well.

I suppose this was just a rant, but I have no one else to talk about these things to. I feel stressed and scared and ashamed and lonely and sad, and it feels like if I was dead at least I wouldn't be around to experience these feelings, considering nobody would even notice for a good few days if I did die in my apartment. It feels like mentally I'm collapsing back into my overly negative self and I've already properly relapsed with cutting, which has become another point to me feeling like a complete loner and freak whenever I go outside in this weather where everyone has shorts and tshirts on.

Regardless, I hope everyone here is doing well and I really really hope I'll start doing well again too. Hanging on is so hard and scary, I feel so lonely. I pray from the bottom of my heart that this shall also pass.

 

[15atNoon]

Honestly, I don't even know what to say except...same.

And yeah. Like you, I think I ended up coming here if only to see that there are other people who feel the same way and are in the same position. Doesn't solve the loneliness but it does make me feel less isolated in a way.

 

[pulse1]

Just knowing you're a real person behind the screen who understands and relates to these feelings is comforting.. and like you said less isolating. I really hope these feelings will get better for us all.

 

[westerly_merlin]

For me, loneliness is not about the number of people around me, it is the isolated feeling because I can't relate to them.

I have had a lifetime of people telling me to "buck up and get out there" or "just make some friends". I can be in a room with all my family and feel completely alone and adrift.

 

[hoppybunny]

I

Now that summer is here and I have no plans with anyone, a family I'm actively trying to avoid contact with, difficulty finding a part time job for the summer (and the chances are even worse now that we're halfway into summer), and with the summer break no studies that can distract and take up my days, the loneliness is growingly feeling more concrete and real. It's like everyone around me has their life together with friends they hang out with over the summer and trips to other countries with friends or families, or attending events or meeting new people and I feel stuck in the same position I've always felt stuck in for the last 6 years of my life. I know I'm not the only one in this situation and there is a lot to be thankful for in my life as well, and I am really trying to work hard with recovery and keeping my feelings and thoughts in check, but lately i've gotten so worn down from the loneliness that I have came back to this website after so long. The thought that it's gotten so bad that I've "relapsed" back to this website makes me feel even worse.

I feel so ashamed of this loneliness and whenever I've shared it with my boyfriend he just gives advice about me "pushing myself harder day to day to do things I do not like", with as example him currently doing a summer internship job. I've been applying online and asking in real life going up to shop clerks for a part time job just to pass the time and at least find a way to ignore these feelings, and I feel even more like a failure when the only person who cares about me doesn't seem to understand what I'm going through, and I feel so ashamed of my situation and that more than half the summer is already over that I cannot even find the words to explain my situation well.

I suppose this was just a rant, but I have no one else to talk about these things to. I feel stressed and scared and ashamed and lonely and sad, and it feels like if I was dead at least I wouldn't be around to experience these feelings, considering nobody would even notice for a good few days if I did die in my apartment. It feels like mentally I'm collapsing back into my overly negative self and I've already properly relapsed with cutting, which has become another point to me feeling like a complete loner and freak whenever I go outside in this weather where everyone has shorts and tshirts on.

Regardless, I hope everyone here is doing well and I really really hope I'll start doing well again too. Hanging on is so hard and scary, I feel so lonely. I pray from the bottom of my heart that this shall also pass.

So sorry you're going through this. Try not to worry about how ppl see you. A lot of ppl cover up in the summer for fashion or modesty, so covering up doesn't make you a loser. You can also try finding some lighter breazier fabrics if you really are overheating when you go out.

Is ur boyfriend busy to go on outings with you?

If ur in the us, something that helps is checling ur local library for events. Even if it's just knitting or playing majhong with old ladies it's still an activity that lets you socialize (ofc don't continue attending if the ppl there are judgmental assholes)

Also if ur not looking for a part time job specifically for money, u could try volunteering too. Animal and homeless shelters are almost always taking anybody. Go for animal shelters to not deal with annoying ppl tho. If u do need money ignore this.