Help Really struggling with hanging because of the SI

[zrh389]

Thanks! I have just enough money for alcohol and I have a whole bottle of Hydroxyzine. Last time I took 4 hydros and just fell asleep before I got back to the bridge. Hopefully I can ctb before the end of March if I keep pushing myself.

But I guess alcohol may make you pee yourself during hanging—-not clean

 

[Tellement]

My problem is just that I can't seem to get over the SI that kicks in when I have my neck in the damn noose and I just stand there for what feels like hours at a time looking at the ground going "this is gonna hurt, this is way too scary," instead of simply stepping off my chair

Hi, I really don't know whether this is against any guidelines and whether this will upset you or anyone but this really made me think about a pact. I was here yesterday and came back just to write this. I have been thinking about the issue of SI lately as well and contemplating alcohol etc. but like you and others pointed out there are also some downsides to alcohol that can hinder the process. Related to this, I can't really stop thinking about pacts as alternative, while also acknowledging that this has also a lot downsides and won't always help with the SI. I think I just needed to get this off of my chest. I normally don't see pacts as means for myself and am not really preoccupied with it, but can't stop thinking about it lately and reading your story yesterday really resonated.
Also I really don't want to pretend this is an option for you and maybe I wouldn't recommend it to anyone it all, it just sticks with me in the context of overcoming those last SI's (and since I can't stop thinking about your post for the last 24h I thought I had to return here).
Take care!

 

[computersrfun]

Hi, I really don't know whether this is against any guidelines and whether this will upset you or anyone but this really made me think about a pact. I was here yesterday and came back just to write this. I have been thinking about the issue of SI lately as well and contemplating alcohol etc. but like you and others pointed out there are also some downsides to alcohol that can hinder the process. Related to this, I can't really stop thinking about pacts as alternative, while also acknowledging that this has also a lot downsides and won't always help with the SI. I think I just needed to get this off of my chest. I normally don't see pacts as means for myself and am not really preoccupied with it, but can't stop thinking about it lately and reading your story yesterday really resonated.
Also I really don't want to pretend this is an option for you and maybe I wouldn't recommend it to anyone it all, it just sticks with me in the context of overcoming those last SI's (and since I can't stop thinking about your post for the last 24h I thought I had to return here).
Take care!

I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling so much. SI is a fucking bitch. Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable doing a pact because I don't want to encourage any harm to others, I just want my own pain to end. I wish you the best!

 

[Tellement]

I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling so much. SI is a fucking bitch. Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable doing a pact because I don't want to encourage any harm to others, I just want my own pain to end. I wish you the best!

Hi, sorry I didn't mean to come across like the way I did and hope I didn't trigger you. I totally understand not feeling comfortable for a pact because the encouragement aspect. It's just that I sometimes can't understand how we, as a society, don't aid the one's in need/the ones dying (whether it be due to physical or mental health). By that I mean, a society should not encourage harm, but just bluntly turning its back to people suffering and contemplating such acts feels like the lowest of the lowest level of humanity.
I really don't mean to put it in a horrific way, it's just that I can't understand why they rather have us dying alone in an ice cold spot than warmly surrounded ((by loved ones))/in a decent setting. Honestly, I wouldn't even want this for myself as well and prefer acting by myself, but I do wish it for others who for instance asked for legal euthanasia, didn't get it and had to die on their own alone , in a more horrific way/more shocking way for the family members and friends (I saw a documentary about a young person who wanted his friend had been given the chance of a 'worthy' death (in certain well-designed settings by society) instead of a 'horrific' death). In sum, my remarks and thinking about the notion of 'pact' is more related to the need for 'humanity' and connectedness in those last moments. (However, I was indeed not in a great place, I tend to be more frustrated about the lack of any societal support in such situations and might than believe I understand the motivations of people who did choose for a 'pact' as way of unconditional support in a difficult act (not support for dying, but continued support when things get difficult)).
I hope this makes my former reaction a little less disturbing, sorry. Wish you the best of luck as well! Truely hope you may find ways to cope with your struggles ~

 

[Olisop21.]

Maybe. That sounds accurate. But I'm probably going to keep trying to hang myself and fighting with the SI. I have this unrealistic fantasy that it'll just magically stop appearing and I can die peacefully and embrace death. I've made up my mind completely that death would be easier on me and healing for the people I've hurt. I also think it's more anxiety about failure that stops me - becoming a vegetable would make me more of a burden than I already am.

I feel the same way. Want to stop causing harm to others. Put the noose on, tightened it then got scared and released it. BTW what is SI?

 

[KANCEL]

I feel the same way. Want to stop causing harm to others. Put the noose on, tightened it then got scared and released it. BTW what is SI?

SI is Survival Instinct

 

[Olisop21.]

SI is Survival Instinct

TY

 

[BardBarrie]

Glad you found it helpful. Because you know, there's always the fear of somehow not cutting off the blood flow and suffocating to death, which would be horrific. So the knife in the pocket solves that problem.

I would have thought a full suspension would quarantee a Blood Choke, no?
The hangee should lose consciousness from lack of blood to the brain, since the carotid arteries require less compression force than the airway?

 

[kambroov]

I would have thought a full suspension would quarantee a Blood Choke, no?
The hangee should lose consciousness from lack of blood to the brain, since the carotid arteries require less compression force than the airway?

Yes, after watching a bunch of videos on gore sites of people hanging themselves, it seems you're right. They all pass out in a couple seconds. With one exception: when they don't tie the proper knot. It needs to be a NOOSE knot, i.e. a knot that tightens when you pull down on it. I've seen people do it where they've just simply made a loop, that doesn't tighten under load, and those people suffocate.

 

[BardBarrie]

Yes, after watching a bunch of videos on gore sites of people hanging themselves, it seems you're right. They all pass out in a couple seconds. With one exception: when they don't tie the proper knot. It needs to be a NOOSE knot, i.e. a knot that tightens when you pull down on it. I've seen people do it where they've just simply made a loop, that doesn't tighten under load, and those people suffocate.

Ugh, my method is most-likely going to be full suspension. Even if I use the correct noose, there's always that fear of a horrible death as soon as one steps off the stool.

Shit, I wish exiting life wasn't so traumatic.

 

[Ww42]

Safe travels in your journey. I wish you peace

 

[kambroov]

Ugh, my method is most-likely going to be full suspension. Even if I use the correct noose, there's always that fear of a horrible death as soon as one steps off the stool.

Shit, I wish exiting life wasn't so traumatic.

I, like you, thought full suspension was going to be my method. I got everything prepared for my death, and drove down to the forest and trekked to the tree I'd scoped out beforehand. I set everything up, stepped on the stool, and soaked in my last moments. I had all the motivation in the world. I was fully determined to do it.
But that's when I realised that the simple act of stepping off the stool is actually extremely difficult. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't do it. I would say it's equally as difficult as jumping, in terms of survival instinct.

Now I've switched my method to partial. May I ask why you've shunned partial as a method? I'm sure you can make it work. Could you explain why it didn't work for you?

 

[BardBarrie]

I, like you, thought full suspension was going to be my method. I got everything prepared for my death, and drove down to the forest and trekked to the tree I'd scoped out beforehand. I set everything up, stepped on the stool, and soaked in my last moments. I had all the motivation in the world. I was fully determined to do it.
But that's when I realised that the simple act of stepping off the stool is actually extremely difficult. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't do it. I would say it's equally as difficult as jumping, in terms of survival instinct.

Now I've switched my method to partial. May I ask why you've shunned partial as a method? I'm sure you can make it work. Could you explain why it didn't work for you?

I'm going with full because I've built one of those metal gym frames with a pull up bar at the top.
I just know that if I went with partial, I'd somehow end up knocking the frame over so I don't want to risk it. Though truth be told I haven't practiced with partial at all.

Ideally I'll be using a step ladder and will step off into a full suspension. If I can help it, I prefer to die indoors.

If the metal bar cannot sustain my weight then I'll have to find a tree.

 

[kambroov]

I'm going with full because I've built one of those metal gym frames with a pull up bar at the top.
I just know that if I went with partial, I'd somehow end up knocking the frame over so I don't want to risk it. Though truth be told I haven't practiced with partial at all.

Ideally I'll be using a step ladder and will step off into a full suspension. If I can help it, I prefer to die indoors.

If the metal bar cannot sustain my weight then I'll have to find a tree.

Well, good luck, you need a lot of courage to step off the stool so hopefully you have it. If you've tied the right knots and made sure the rope can hold your weight, it's a guaranteed quick death.

 

[BardBarrie]

Well, good luck, you need a lot of courage to step off the stool so hopefully you have it. If you've tied the right knots and made sure the rope can hold your weight, it's a guaranteed quick death.

I'm hoping being drunk will help. I'm also switching back onto a medication which previously made me hypomanic, so hopefully that'll help with the courage.

 

[kambroov]

I'm hoping being drunk will help. I'm also switching back onto a medication which previously made me hypomanic, so hopefully that'll help with the courage.

Just make sure not to fall off the ladder while getting ready (if you're very drunk).

 

[BardBarrie]

Just make sure not to fall off the ladder while getting ready (if you're very drunk).

Yeah I plan to get everything else sorted before getting drunk to avoid complications.
I'm generally not a drinker, so I don't have much tolerance. Hell maybe just drinking from a bottle of vodka with the noose around me, who knows.

The shitty part is no matter what, so long as we're committed to this path. . . we're going to have to endure the trauma of the act: the abrasion of the skin, the compression of the neck, the Co2 buildup etc. It's scary.

Imagine if voluntary humane euthanasia were legal in our countries, but sadly that's not the case.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

You should find out what you are really afraid of. The physical pain when you hang or the impending not existing.

Even if a painless death via euthanasia is possible it could happen that you stop is in the last moment because the fear of not existing becomes finally overwhelming. This is a very deep instinct no matter how unbarable your life is.

If hanging is your method you can outwit this instinct as follows: You need a stabile platform to step off. When you step of this platform you have in mind, that this is just a test, that you will not die today because you can step back on the platform. If your feet don´t touch the ground unconsciousness comes quick and without warning and you will never step back.