Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[Per Ardua Ad Astra]

10

 

[donxtwait]

10

 

[Minibosterita]

10, today's a bad day. Everyday is bad but today is worse than normal

 

[stilhavinightmares]

5. Ambivalent but still suicidal. I just opened my package to see my SN so knowing I now have that when I need it is very comforting and helps the pain a bit.

 

[idkwho]

I'd say an 8 for me. I've got what I need already. I think about it almost every time. Might ctb by the end of the year or beginning of next year, if all goes as planned. Life's already been too much.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

10. bad .

 

[Himalayan]

3. If i was on 10 i wouldn't event respond

 

[H0110W]

I'm at an above average amount of suicidal thoughts, but I've had worse. When I'm at this point they become incessant, starting a few minutes after I wake up and ending when I go to sleep. I can still distract myself with video games and doing other things, but it keep getting worse every day. I no longer have any reason to live. I'd say this is a 7/10 for sure. If this downward spiral keeps going on I'll probably ctb within the week.

 

[BipolarExpress]

It's a 6 for me today.

 

[Ineedtodie]

Last past days I had some appointments to attend though the next 3 days I have nothing, So its' going to be a full blown depression .I just rather sleep the whole day tomorrow.(going to abuse my sleep ping pills)God damn life .
i guess around 5.

 

[Rairii]

An 8, been hovering over that for a while now unless my PTSD gets triggered then it goes up. Really hard to not just ctb myself during those moments but I know if I did it would be a sloppy attempt that would fail. Currently just letting myself relapse into anorexia again so I can appease that part of me that wants to ctb so bad. I should just do it but I'm waiting to see if emdr and a new medical treatment I start soon will help. Honestly, I doubt it will. Since even though a lot is mental anguish from the past, there is also a lot of anguish with my current circumstances too that I feel like will never be fixed.

 

[azad]

8 years 10/10. i postponed it cuz i was with parents cuz i was a kid so they took care of me so less pain

 

[BipolarExpress]

9 today.

 

[Hurt]

Today is a 7

 

[ShatteredSoul]

I have a plan so I don't know what number that assigns me?

 

[noname223]

4, Feeling bad and sad. But not really manic rather very sedated.

I have currently sleeping problems especially when I have appointments early in the morning. This was the case yesterday.

I was awake till 1 am. and I became more and more anxious.
I ended up taking a lot of emergency medication. I am scared to become an addict. It is not good how often I take it recently but compared to other people I am still careful.
I hope in the vacation I wlll barely need any. That is my hope.

 

[donealready]

Today is a 7, it's ok

 

[lyles]

At a solid 8 right now, a work related incident peaked my anxiety to the point I pretty desperately wish I was dead and resent the fact I am not. I had been don't pretty well lately so it does suck.

 

[Himalayan]

6

 

[Per Ardua Ad Astra]

10+

 

[Reallysad]

Now the last 2weeks about 5/6 last 3months 8/9

 

[AreWeWinning]

9 – Thinking about it very seriously recently. Actively making preparations and going through a number of things I wanted arrange beforehand. Also, feeling less sad about it and less afraid. In the past, whenever I thought about it seriously, I became very scared. Now I feel much more calm.

 

[noname223]

3.

I am way too manic though. I hope holidays can cool me down. If I relapse I will soon need to ctb. I am so scared about the extreme pain. I don't know why I am this manic. Maybe losing my therapist will be one reason for my death. I hope I can steer the ship for more time before it sinks. But that it sinks one day seems to be certain.

Fuck my life. I was invited to a party. I am not the party type. I rejected the offer. I assume they would have probably started drinking alcohol. I don't drink. I am very glad I denied this offer. This would have been awkward as fuck. And it would have probably fueled my mania.
But it would have been a chance to talk with girls. However destabilizing me would have been certain. My brain is so fucking fragile.

 

[stermc]

6 today

 

[Sannti]

8/10, day as usual

 

[HerculePoirot]

This morning 6
Tonight 4
Cannot explain

 

[Dead Ghost]

7

 

[TimetoGo!]

100% a 10

Studying hard to get my CTB correct and done with

 

[SamTam33]

I had to sober up yesterday so I could do some year-end paperwork.

During those few hours, my suicidal thoughts were the lowest they've been in months. Maybe at a 7.

I'd forgotten how normal it felt sitting at a keyboard with my nails clicking at the keys. Shuffling through papers, stapling things together.

I had no desire to come on here and talk about dying. I went ahead and cleaned the kitchen, sorted through mail, cooked some picadillo.

But it didn't last. It never does.

Today I'm right back at a 10. Obsessed with dying. Muttering to myself about how I need to get on with it. I took the picadillo out to fix a bowl, stared at it and put it right back up.

I can't eat when I'm on a 10.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

9. Ready besides the guilt of hurting my wife.