Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[StolenLife]

10

 

[niloc]

Lately probably an 8..that's what led me back to this site..

 

[Lullaby]

Sitting at an 8, ctb thoughts have been more heavier. Just hurting a lot more recently.

It sucks when your fears come true. How do you even trust anyone or anything after, when the world constantly proves you right.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

9.3/10.00 - worse than my last check in. Waking up is miserable. And being awake is even worse.

 

[On Replay]

8. Sometimes when im walking and im standing at the stop light waiting to cross the street, I have this urge to jump out. Instead I just stare at the cars as they drive by wishing I could. I have no interest in living at all, Feels like I'm stuck in this endless loop just waiting for it all to end.

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

10 It is just getting darker and darker

 

[HerculePoirot]

When I registered here recently, my rate was between 1 and 2. Now after having read a lot of useful contributions, I have to confess that to some extent my fears vanished. Let's say the rate is now between 6 and 7.

And yes, it's exciting. I think when the day will come, I'll catch the bus with a smile on my face.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

9.15/10.00 Still really bad, but a slight improvement since my last check in, tho it's so small it's hardly significant

 

[noname223]

Currently 3. Suicidal thoughts are not the main problem. But I am anxious as fuck about the future. Even the close future. I could magine I will have a new breakdown in the next months. There will be a very stressful period and I am so scared the psychosomatic pain will return. I think then I will be forced to commit suicide.

I try to outpace all my OCD behaviors and protect myself by analyzing them. In the past months I was quite skilled at that. But there will be challenges which will trigger me so fucking much. I am scared about that saince a long time. I don't know how I shall surivive that.

I know this comparison is quite weird but I feel like a sleepwalker. Like the actors before WW1 happened. The situation is so fragile. My mind is so fragile. All could collapse and then a huge disaster was the result.

Maybe I will have to decide either to become a medication addict or not getting a new psychosis. I think both is horrible but the prior one seems to be less nightmarish. I don't know I think I will kill myself after the next psychosis.

 

[Niirvana]

10. Soy una estúpida por creer en cuentos de hadas y en el príncipe azul. Hasta la gente fea tiene más suerte que yo. No tolero más esta sociedad asquerosa de hoy, quiero morirme de una vez.

 

[MakeUpAName4Me]

Strong 8 becoming a 9…I feel it coming soon

 

[BRAINWORMS]

7.5. I've been feeling more hopeless about the future lately and I've been drinking more which makes me feel hazy/disconnected from life. I have plans with loved ones for the weekend and a couple things I'm looking forward to in the next couple months, but I'm becoming more indifferent about sticking around for the good stuff.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

9.15/10.00 - Feeling really empty, lonely & bored. But no real change from last check in. Still pretty bad.

 

[Hollowillow]

Currently 3. Suicidal thoughts are not the main problem. But I am anxious as fuck about the future. Even the close future. I could magine I will have a new breakdown in the next months. There will be a very stressful period and I am so scared the psychosomatic pain will return. I think then I will be forced to commit suicide.

I try to outpace all my OCD behaviors and protect myself by analyzing them. In the past months I was quite skilled at that. But there will be challenges which will trigger me so fucking much. I am scared about that saince a long time. I don't know how I shall surivive that.

I know this comparison is quite weird but I feel like a sleepwalker. Like the actors before WW1 happened. The situation is so fragile. My mind is so fragile. All could collapse and then a huge disaster was the result.

Maybe I will have to decide either to become a medication addict or not getting a new psychosis. I think both is horrible but the prior one seems to be less nightmarish. I don't know I think I will kill myself after the next psychosis.

There is no such thing as psychosomatic pain!

When stressed, the adrenals produce adrenalin to free extra fuel power. It depletes vitamin c (in muscle & ligaments) vitamin b (nerves) magnesium (used to relax muscles & make serotonin in the gut)

So when stressed you use nutrition for energy instead to renew cells... And must sacrifice cells to get the nutrition needed to burn energy.

So stress burns you out. So the muscles hurts, heart hurts, ligaments, head... Everything.

Not from a mental disorder. But exhaustion can give extreme mental distress. Because wasting away does not feel good.

I felt 13... Because health care invaludate & gaslight me too

Psychosis can be caused by lack of vitamin b... causing anemia (lack of oxygen carriers), nerve damage... Toxins too. Antidepressants cause psychosis.

There is nothing wrong with you. Your needs are not met, limits abused... Tortured... Poisonned... Yeah society is worse than death.

At least don't die thinking you're defective. The world is.
I'm terrified, in pain... Been abused again by social services... Tortured... With gaslight... By my own social worker... Fucking kill me if I'm so hated that I'm denied cares.
So angry... So in grief... From how I'm threated outside here. Not your faults. So sorry... So much pain

 

[noname223]

There is no such thing as psychosomatic pain!

When stressed, the adrenals produce adrenalin to free extra fuel power. It depletes vitamin c (in muscle & ligaments) vitamin b (nerves) magnesium (used to relax muscles & make serotonin in the gut)

So when stressed you use nutrition for energy instead to renew cells... And must sacrifice cells to get the nutrition needed to burn energy.

So stress burns you out. So the muscles hurts, heart hurts, ligaments, head... Everything.

Not from a mental disorder. But exhaustion can give extreme mental distress. Because wasting away does not feel good.

I felt 13... Because health care invaludate & gaslight me too

Psychosis can be caused by lack of vitamin b... causing anemia (lack of oxygen carriers), nerve damage... Toxins too. Antidepressants cause psychosis.

There is nothing wrong with you. Your needs are not met, limits abused... Tortured... Poisonned... Yeah society is worse than death.

At least don't die thinking you're defective. The world is.
I'm terrified, in pain... Been abused again by social services... Tortured... With gaslight... By my own social worker... Fucking kill me if I'm so hated that I'm denied cares.
So angry... So in grief... From how I'm threated outside here. Not your faults. So sorry... So much pain

Personally I disagree with you on most of these things. However I don't want to start a debate. I have read lot of literature and came to different conclusions. Moreover I think this thread is not the right place to discuss this anyway.

I am sorry that are suffering this much. The world is unfair.

 

[thedaywillcome]

8.5 vita horribilis

 

[noname223]

Again only 3. Wanted to make more threads but I got something similar like a panic attack. Not exactly that but extreme anxiety.

I feel like throwing up. I really have huge anxiety problems. Also very scared about the future. My anxiety is eating me alive. I worry so much. I am so fragile everything could collapse in the blink of an eye.

I have a very bad feeling about the next months. The end might be near and I am so full of angst. The past was so fearsome. The future too. I try to relax now otherwise I cannot sleep. I might take a sleeping pill I don't feel good right now.

Listening to some chilling music. Hope that helps. Thanks for reading this. Hugs.

 

[FrozenMango]

7-8

 

[Job Joad]

If over 5 means you think you will eventually CTB and under means you're backing off then I'll go 6. I've been distracted lately and therefore doing less thinking and planning, but unfortunately I think I'll be right back there.

 

[Little T]

10
just pissed off I have to wait for others convenience. I have a dog and have to wait for her to be picked up without setting off any alarms.
I missed my "symbolic" date.

 

[thedaywillcome]

10

 

[noname223]

I am feeling horrible. But suicidality "only" 6,5.
I had an argument with my mom concerning money spendings. I got extremely mad because in my opinion she wasted a lot of money for basically nothing. As you might know I am extremely anxious about poverty this is why it triggered me so hard.
I barely could think about anything else today. I feel very tired of life and exhausted.
Maybe rationally it is not such a good idea to get this angry. She basically paid 80 bucks (that is roundabout double the amount how much it costs online) more than the usual price just to be friendly. I told her not to do this. I think she ignored and went to a store. She did not return so far.
I mean my family will be extremely fucked in some years due to lack of money. We should handle this resource very carefully but my family just ignores this issue and pretends everything will be all fine. I told her that this deal is so irrational but she said we must buy it now after we asked for it. No this is not how it works. We could have just said wait this is too much money and everything would have been okay.

 

[Hope:-)]

I'm hoping to attempt starting the process in a week if you count going to the house. Scared but that's normal. So I guess that's a 10?

 

[lachrymost]

I actually have been keeping track of my mood for several months with the opposite scale, where 0 is "would blow my brains out without hesitation" and 10 is euphoria/relief/the best I've ever felt. I'm pretty consistently at a 1.5. 2 is a really good day. I had a zero around my birthday, but no gun.

 

[lionetta12]

It's around a 7.

 

[onetapgandhi]

About 8

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

10.

 

[SorakaMein]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

I should have the rate of 10 because of intense emotional pain

But after 7 months, i feel 6-8.
Mostly, i feel numb. What i fear is if the pain comes back, it will be 10 again

Honestly I don't understand myself anymore

 

[outrider567]

I'm hoping to attempt starting the process in a week if you count going to the house. Scared but that's normal. So I guess that's a 10?

Yes that's a 10
At times I can almost cope(8), other times I feel like collapsing from grief and shock(9.8)

 

[actual_fox]

1 - It just like lingers there