Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[Dead Ghost]

5/10

The problem is that I know I have a countdown going on that is only seen in spurts...let's see if I make it to next year, I have a bad feeling about it.
//
El problema es que se que tinc un compte enrera en marxa que només se veure a estones... a veure si arribo a l'any que ve, tinc una mala sensació al respecte.

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

8-9

 

[noname223]

6. My problem currently is not suicidal thoughts but today was a very bad day. I had so many appoinments and a lot of stress. Working for college is so exhaustive.
Appoinment with therapist. Managing some documents etc.

Then my mom treated me as I would do simply nothing. When she is stressed she always blames it on her children. In my childhood very violently at least this changed.

My dad wanted me to meet me. I had no energy. Then my mom was even more angry because I was about to meet him. I did not really wanted to meet him but we had to talk about some documents etc.
I had an argument with my mom.

I expect her boyfriend insults me soon again. I have blocked his phone since the last time. But there are ways to circumvent that. Fuck him.

 

[raskol1980]

9 probably. I've been planning my exit everyday for a few months now.

Today I did something that made me feel horrible and something I keep doing to myself. Not sure if I'm trying to punish myself but it makes me feel sick when I do it (mostly).

Just got my SS account accepted though so that's a plus, I think….

Maybe an 8 then

 

[Hope:-)]

10. I am definitely going through with it.

 

[Sick of it all]

10. I am definitely going through with it.

Sorry it is at a 10 today. Hopefully you'll have some relief, one way or another.

 

[Lullaby]

I'm a 7, but it's been a 9 for most of this week. Same stuff, like always. I have some downtime, but my reality always comes crashing back hard. I just want the pain to go away, and I wish things were as good as they were a couple of months ago. Even though everyone and everything around me turned out to be fake in the end, I finally felt some happiness. I miss that feeling.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

9.00/10.00- I've a feeling this may slowly creep up all week & not much I can do atm.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

9.10/10.00- I want to die so fucking bad. no one cares anyway.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Rating = ?

I have basically decided on a timeline for it, and now I am at peace.

 

[S like suicide]

10

 

[SCW]

9. It's just difficult to think I can be anything more than I am in this moment. In this moment I don't like what I see.

 

[Misswannadie]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

I think about suicide every now and then for the past few months. I imagine my death and every single detail about how I would commit suicide and it is kinda the only thought that keeps me going for now

 

[Inkling]

I generally think about dying every day, usually with a lot of suffering, I don't know if that would put me at a 10 though, because I'm settled on a method, and that method only crosses my mind every few days, it's more about day dreaming of suffering, 8 I suppose?

 

[notlongnow]

8 today.

So bad I thought of ways in which I could achieve in the coming days but everything I need for my peaceful exit are not obtainable.

I'm contemplating OD'ing on Heroin.

 

[QuietEnd]

10.5/10

Been scammed for (legal) parts not sent and been waiting 6 weeks for these to supposedly be delivered. 6 weeks of extra agony. Now my whole plan has failed and no money to buy replacements from a different source.

Might have to consider a much more painful technique like drowning in my car.

 

[FrozenMango]

6/10 , i am stressed but calm overall

 

[noname223]

Very very manic. Ignored some warning signs. I woke up the last 5 days at 5 am this is very dangerous. I am doing too much for college. I stress myself why too much. I think it will soon backfire. I think a new psychosis is coming in the next 6 months. I know some next courses and I will never be able to cope with them. Compared to my last courses the last ones were a complete and utter joke.
If I had to bet I would clearly for new psychosis.
I try to outsmart my OCD behavior and perfectionism. But I am pretty sure I cannot cope with what will come next. This is my last chance to get a job. I had so many failures. I get older and older. I feel kind of ashamed to be in the same courses than these teens.

But when I get a new psychosis and have to kill myself all of this won't matter anymore. It is a luxury problem. Not sure if this term is known I rather doubt it. I want to say this being embarrassed because I am older than them is rather a minor problem. Living on the street in the future. This is compared a way bigger fear of mine.

My sleep rhythm is pretty fucked. I underestimated it. Without my therapist it is harder for me to take breaks and to assess how strong mania is. This forum helps. But usually I realize it when I talk to another person. In my mind I often don't recognize it. But sometimes I really have logorrhea and depending on how bad it is I know how strong my chemical imbalance is.

Honestly I think my thoughts are often racing. I think currently it is quite insane. It is a clear warning sign for mania.

My solution I take some addicitve medication. Maybe I should take a break instead. But I am currently quite productive and a break would prolong everything even more. I have made some progress today. I am really glad about that. I don't want to take a break now. I will give me a break when it is over.

Took a half benzo this evening. Feeling a little bit relaxed. Then I will take half a z-medication. Both together are very effective for me. With them I can relax a lot. They saved my ass a thousand times. And I am still pretty good in avoiding addiction.

Sometimes I misuse this thread as rating my mania sorry. Mania is like a 5 which is pretty high. Suicidal thoughts are a 3.

 

[Catloaf]

9.9/10

 

[GhostNote]

10. Just can't seem to go through with it.

 

[Krieger]

They're there constantly but are manageable. I still want to kill myself in the next few years ofc.

 

[outrider567]

Always a 9, always on my mind as soon as I wake up

 

[thedaywillcome]

8

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

8.

 

[Cowgirl2000]

6 at the moment, because I have found a wonderful person here on the forum. Still want to ctb, but there's no hurry right now

 

[Hangnail]

Every morning that I wake up. Most of the morning and night. Sometimes during the day. I wonder why I'm still doing "what I'm supposed to do" and why I'm even alive.

 

[thedaywillcome]

8

 

[1000winds]

9. today is just one of those days

 

[maurits2012]

I'd say a 6. I'm stressed but it's contained.

 

[Sun_]

6 -7