Rate your suicidal thoughts thread (1-10)

[ImsooDone1N]

9.0/10 Still Bad, No Change, probably because I picked up my Klonopin Rx & still have a few pills left over.. so I took one of the extra 1mg tablets along with two tablets I already take every night. So, little calmer; would likely be more overwhelmed. No one really cares. Even here, I've just a few people I can talk to. Never had Nobody like this. Nothing to look forward too. Pathetic.

 

[Hope:-)]

9 in terms of extent of intent.

 

[PleaseTakeMeAway]

Sitting here at a 10.

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

10. I am just loosing myself the more I live. It is inevitable for me. I wish I had the courage to face my darkness and then finally end myself.

 

[outrider567]

bad weekend and this morning 9.8

 

[Ash’Girl]

In terms of thinking about ending it and wanting to, 10.

In terms of actually believing I'll be able to do it, maybe 7. I keep trying, but I keep failing. Which just makes me feel even worse.

 

[8evergo]

Comes down to 5

 

[DarrelHox]

4. I woke up good, but as the day continued I started to feel bad and have some thoughts about it

 

[noname223]

I deal with extreme stress. Don't know how I am doing this. It feels insane. I am proud I am not already psychotic. The anxiety is in another dimension. It is really really hard to endure it. The pressure is extremely insane. I took half a benzo. I could take the other half. But I rather take another sleeping addictive medication.

Currently I listen to some sad songs. Mostly from Lil Peep and Juice WRLD. Both kind of distract me. It is really horrible to be in my skin. It is a huge agony. Though this pressure often does not induce suicidality at first. My suicidality is maybe a 5. My main concern is the stress and not getting manic or psychotic. The suicidality will be lethal if I make a huge mistake. My sleep is important this is why I take some addictive medication in order to get some rest.

It is all so insane and surreal. I am thankful the people in this forum listen to my suffering without judging me. It feels kind of indecribable. Performance pressure is triggering extremely due to my child abuse. I sometimes compare it to the survival instinct. It does not fully feel the same but in a weird way I feel like my life was threatened. And the pressure I am doing to myself is inhuman.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

9.5/10.00- Very Bad- Even worse than yesterday; it really does keep getting worse.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

9.75/10.00 - Horrible, but I know now it can always be worse/more horrible until I'm dead.

 

[MayTheStars]

Right now I'd prolly say around an 8

 

[Hurt]

Today is a 10/10. If I die today is OK. I'm feeling on the edge.

 

[Dead Ghost]

6/10:
I don't want to commit suicide, but I know I'm so trapped ... it's too many things, the health is getting worse, the possibility of going back to work once he leaves, the family that is disappearing with a dropper (they go dying) and of which my present subsistence needs so much.
Anxiety, OCD and Asperger's are just more obstacles, not simple conditions in my case ... chronic vertigo bothers me and the heat it currently makes me very tense and nervous.
I am very tired and I have a strong desire to get out of it but I know that my body seems to be cracking to withstand so much stress for so many years (too many somatizations) ... I want to continue but at the same time I am physically breaking and it affects me a lot.
All of this makes me very angry and makes me very sad, I just need more health to move on and it seems like this is over even if I don't want to.

//

6/10:
Jo no vull pas suïcidar-me, però es que em trobo tan atrapat... són masses coses, la salut que empitjora, la posibilitat de tornar a treballar alguna vegada que s'allunya, la família que va desapareixent amb contagotes (es van morint) i de la qual la meva subsisténcia actual necessita tant.
L'ansietat, el TOC i l'Asperger només són més trabes, no simples condicionants en el meu cas... el vertígen crónic em molesta i la calor que fa actualment em posa molt tens i nerviós.
Estic molt cansat i tinc dins meu una forta ànsia per sortir d'aquesta però es que el meu cos sembla que s'està esquerdant de soportar tant d'estrés durant tants anys (masses somatitzacions)... vull continuar però alhora m'estic trencant físicament i m'afecta molt.
Tot plegat em fa molt ràbia i em posa molt trist, només necessito més salut per seguir endavant i sembla que això s'acaba encara que no vulgui.

 

[savoytruffle]

Today is a solid 10. We're getting kicked out of our apartment after 20 years so the landlord can sell it to buy a beach house. And with 6 cats we've been rejected out of every apartment we've visited. Just thinking of abandoning the cats I grew up with just to have a roof over my head makes me sick, I've been staring at the window all day trying to find the courage to leap but 4 floors isn't enough

 

[outrider567]

Today is a solid 10. We're getting kicked out of our apartment after 20 years so the landlord can sell it to buy a beach house. And with 6 cats we've been rejected out of every apartment we've visited. Just thinking of abandoning the cats I grew up with just to have a roof over my head makes me sick, I've been staring at the window all day trying to find the courage to leap but 4 floors isn't enough

Sorry to hear you're being kicked out after 20 years, that's outrageous--and There should be some no-kill shelters around so the cats get a chance of being adopted---My brother's wife is in the same boat, once my brother passes from lung cancer(he has no money)she will be forced to sell the house(little equity)and because she has 6 Dogs, she won't be able to rent anywhere

 

[burglarlydante]

10 as always

 

[FailureGirl]

6.5

 

[sadmachine]

A solid 8

 

[nys]

a 6 or 7...it's pretty bad but I'm trying to distract myself & its kinda working

 

[Hurt]

8 and there's no coming back from the dark place I'm in. Done with life.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

Gotta be a 9.75/10.00 today. End of a Horrible week.

 

[QuietEnd]

9/10

Anxiously waiting for news this afternoon that might give me a chance in life. If not I'm planning to CTB next week.

I'm desperately wishing for a miracle

 

[woknows]

1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.

8

 

[potablewater784]

I've been thinking about ctbing a lot, but I'm missing good ways to do it. I'd be too scared to do it anyway. 5-6 maybe

 

[Hope:-)]

10. I'm trying hard today to have a life but my facial injuries and what happened to me psychologically physically and time wise due to being on meds for 16 years and counting...and still trying to get help to come off them, is getting me down.

 

[Hurt]

> 10. I am seriously considering ctb. Done.

 

[QuietEnd]

8/10 my plans and decisions haven't changed but one of my bunnies is ill at the emergency vet. I know my partner will take excellent care of him and our others, but I'd like him home and well first.

 

[Hope:-)]

10 in terms of certainty. Strange feeling.

 

[Lullaby]

8, which is kind of disappointing.

I was doing okay yesterday, then when I got to the event, I was surrounded my families and couples. It just really sunk in that I was there alone, on my birthday and it made me sad that I couldn't share such an important night with anyone else.

The couple next to me asked if I was there by myself and I told them and that it was also my birthday. I almost wish I hadn't because I could tell they felt super bad for me. They ended up randomly buying me a drink later on and that was sweet of them.

Even though it was such a fun night, I felt like crying on my way home. I just feel really sad.

28, now and I'm just finally settled on the fact that I want to die. No ifs or maybes anymore, this is what I want. I'm done fantasizing about stuff that'll never happen. I'm done trying to make friends or find a relationship. I'm over struggling just to make a living.

I'm sticking out for my cat because no one else would take care of him and I refuse to give up. I'll do what I can to survive until that happens, but mentally I'm done.

I don't want this anymore, it's gone on for too long. Hoping I can officially check out within the next two years.