SecretDissociation
Suicide enthusiast
- Sep 11, 2022
- 100
Hello, I'm tired of surviving and after seeing some professionals I have become more apathetic.
I'm hoping that this sixth(?) attempt will be my last.
Before you help/rate I just want to preface. I know, I know how painful overdoses can be. I know. But please believe me when I say, I have a pretty high pain tolerance haha and I could sh pretty deep.
I really want to leave this Friday. Please help me.
And I am not religious, but please pray for me. Anything goes.
My plan:
SSRI medication - I understand that there is a stop gap at which some SSRI's becomes null after 10-50 ish tablets(?) but I hope mixing them will negate this effect as most of these medicines interact each other. Anyway, the goal is really to just reach a lethal chemical dose regardless of whatever compounds I use.
Escitalopram 20mg x 28tablets = 560mg
Escitalopram 10mg x 25tablets = 250mg
Escitalopram 5mg x 3tablets = 15mg
Venlafaxine 37.5mg x 18tablets = 675mg
Fluoxetine 40mg x 3tablets = 120mg
Opiod(?) - Now I only have cocodamol 30/500 for this. I understand that the maximum dose is 8 in 24hours but I will be able to probably get another 10tablets on the day.
30/500mg x 10tablets = 5300mg
Anti-psychotics
Aripiprazole (Arpoya) 15mg x 28 = 420mg
Total ingested mg = 7340mg
Medicinal interactions.
Now based on the probably shallow research I have done, Escitalopram has severe interactions with Venlafaxine, Fluoxetine and Aripiprazole causing a drop in sodium levels and a higher rate of bleeding (presumably creating a blood-thinner type thing).
I do not doubt that these interactions will cause me immense pain. But atleast, the effect of bleeding will allow me to go through with slitting my wrist if I do not pass out, experience seizure or puke excessively to the point where there is not enough mg of these in my system.
Other
I am hoping that I will be able to buy some alcohol on the day as most of these medicines do not mix well with the alcohol. I am actually hoping it will make me blackout haha but for now I am focusing on how its interaction with consciousness will make this more severe. However, I am not confident that alcohol will be in the plan. I come from a Muslim family. I also will have to throw some things in the bin on Thursday because of this.
I will also be grabbing some anti-emetic medication, hopefully from the pharmacist. I know it probably won't be strong enough to stop anything but atleast it will be there.
Timing
On Friday morning, I will be waking up at 9 and doing my final selfcare. I will be grabbing the necessaries from the kitchen. Hopefully we have some Orange Juice that day. At around 1015AM I will be consuming the anti-emetic and 1/2 the co-codamol. At 1025-1030 I will go forward with ingesting the medications. At 1035, I will ingest alcohol if available.
When side-effects kick in I will attempt to sleep and/or hold myself in the bathroom. If they become unbearable I will leave the house. I am likely to leave the house at around 12pm.
After
If I don't see the light of the tunnel and I'm experiencing pain I will probably head to our local park to attempt to pass out there and/or slit my wrists if I become desperate.
I am not sure about calling the ambulance or any services. I just want to die.
Please help, thank you. If you read this far, thank you.
Also, if I don't return to the site by the 25th December I am probably dead. Accounting for if I do something stupid like call for help.
And one more thing, can you please wish my Happy Birthday to me. It's on the 4th of December. I don't have anyone to celebrate it with though. Thank you.
I'm hoping that this sixth(?) attempt will be my last.
Before you help/rate I just want to preface. I know, I know how painful overdoses can be. I know. But please believe me when I say, I have a pretty high pain tolerance haha and I could sh pretty deep.
I really want to leave this Friday. Please help me.
And I am not religious, but please pray for me. Anything goes.
My plan:
SSRI medication - I understand that there is a stop gap at which some SSRI's becomes null after 10-50 ish tablets(?) but I hope mixing them will negate this effect as most of these medicines interact each other. Anyway, the goal is really to just reach a lethal chemical dose regardless of whatever compounds I use.
Escitalopram 20mg x 28tablets = 560mg
Escitalopram 10mg x 25tablets = 250mg
Escitalopram 5mg x 3tablets = 15mg
Venlafaxine 37.5mg x 18tablets = 675mg
Fluoxetine 40mg x 3tablets = 120mg
Opiod(?) - Now I only have cocodamol 30/500 for this. I understand that the maximum dose is 8 in 24hours but I will be able to probably get another 10tablets on the day.
30/500mg x 10tablets = 5300mg
Anti-psychotics
Aripiprazole (Arpoya) 15mg x 28 = 420mg
Total ingested mg = 7340mg
Medicinal interactions.
Now based on the probably shallow research I have done, Escitalopram has severe interactions with Venlafaxine, Fluoxetine and Aripiprazole causing a drop in sodium levels and a higher rate of bleeding (presumably creating a blood-thinner type thing).
I do not doubt that these interactions will cause me immense pain. But atleast, the effect of bleeding will allow me to go through with slitting my wrist if I do not pass out, experience seizure or puke excessively to the point where there is not enough mg of these in my system.
Other
I am hoping that I will be able to buy some alcohol on the day as most of these medicines do not mix well with the alcohol. I am actually hoping it will make me blackout haha but for now I am focusing on how its interaction with consciousness will make this more severe. However, I am not confident that alcohol will be in the plan. I come from a Muslim family. I also will have to throw some things in the bin on Thursday because of this.
I will also be grabbing some anti-emetic medication, hopefully from the pharmacist. I know it probably won't be strong enough to stop anything but atleast it will be there.
Timing
On Friday morning, I will be waking up at 9 and doing my final selfcare. I will be grabbing the necessaries from the kitchen. Hopefully we have some Orange Juice that day. At around 1015AM I will be consuming the anti-emetic and 1/2 the co-codamol. At 1025-1030 I will go forward with ingesting the medications. At 1035, I will ingest alcohol if available.
When side-effects kick in I will attempt to sleep and/or hold myself in the bathroom. If they become unbearable I will leave the house. I am likely to leave the house at around 12pm.
After
If I don't see the light of the tunnel and I'm experiencing pain I will probably head to our local park to attempt to pass out there and/or slit my wrists if I become desperate.
I am not sure about calling the ambulance or any services. I just want to die.
Please help, thank you. If you read this far, thank you.
Also, if I don't return to the site by the 25th December I am probably dead. Accounting for if I do something stupid like call for help.
And one more thing, can you please wish my Happy Birthday to me. It's on the 4th of December. I don't have anyone to celebrate it with though. Thank you.
