Venting Rant about color guard

[Arachnid_Antichrist]

I don't know wether this should be considered a vent or a story or something else entirely.

I'm going to keep my name and the names of others out of this in fear that someone I know will find this post and tell people about it. Earlier this year, I did color guard in a local marching band. I'd been doing guard for about a year at that point. I loved color guard then and I still love it now. It was my life. I was fully ready to dedicate my life to it for as long as I possibly could. It was something I was really passionate about.

One day I was walking through the hallway to go meet up with someone. My band director pulled me aside and he kicked me out. He never told me why and to this day I still don't know the whole reason why.

I won't go through what was said in entirety (because I don't really remember because I was in shock) but the main things he said were "I'm not too exited about you being in guard this year"; "you need to work on yourself"; and "I guess we'll have to see you next February". Even what I asked him time and time again what I did wrong and how I could correct myself and improve he responded with "you know what you did".

Normally, this wouldn't be much of a big deal to me. But, like I said, color guard was my passion. It was my whole life. I built my entire life around it and now everything came crashing down. Being in color guard is was gave me a sense of purpose. Being in color guard gave me something to look forward to. Color guard was something I could obsess over and rant about. Color guard made me feel like I was a part of something; that my life wasn't meaningless and that I had a reason to live. And then it was just gone.

Now I feel like I don't have a purpose in life. I don't feel the sense of community that I used to. I don't have anything fun to do over the summer and I have nothing to look forward to. This past summer I just sat in my room and did nothing. Nothing is fun anymore. I don't wanna live. If there is no purpose for me in this world why live? The first thing I even thought of after my director kicked my out was if I should CTB because i now had (and still have) no purpose in life.

I know this rant sounds stupid and you can drag my name through the mud as you please but I just had to get this off of my chest.

 

[Grav]

It's a valid rant, it was something you really enjoyed and looked forward to then was taken away without explanation. If you're still in school could you ask a guidance counselor to inquire why? And if said counselor asks why (they shouldn't have to ask if they are doing counselor work at a school) just say "it really upset me that it happened and I want to know why". Depending on your location there may be something similar but a private group to join? We have "community band" where anyone can join and play so it's High School kids - senior citizens all in one band, not run through the school. Is there something about color guard that is the best part?

 

[soonatpeace777888]

Wow, thats terrible. He owes you an explanation for sure.

 

[SVEN]

Inadequates like that band director seem to feel it makes them somehow "big" to come away with this, "Oh, you know what you did" shite, usually because you haven't given them any cause to act as they do.
They are inadequate gobshites who try to make themseves feel important in their own eyes by breaking things, like your dreams.

 

[FuneralCry]

That is just really cruel and unfair what happened. I find it awful how other people can very easily make existing even worse.

 

[Arachnid_Antichrist]

It's a valid rant, it was something you really enjoyed and looked forward to then was taken away without explanation. If you're still in school could you ask a guidance counselor to inquire why? And if said counselor asks why (they shouldn't have to ask if they are doing counselor work at a school) just say "it really upset me that it happened and I want to know why". Depending on your location there may be something similar but a private group to join? We have "community band" where anyone can join and play so it's High School kids - senior citizens all in one band, not run through the school. Is there something about color guard that is the best part?

I've tried to talk to guidance counselors before and they weren't able to talk to my band director about anything. Some time has passed so I really don't think that my band director cares anymore. He hasn't said or done anything so I think that he just forgot about me.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

I would go to the principle with this. "You know what you did." Is ridiculous.