Random thoughts

[BitterlyAlive]

Back in bed. Brain feels funny and I'm really, really tired. I think I pushed myself too hard. How am I going to manage to work all weekend? I wish people irl could understand :(

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I hate life. Being impatient screwed everything up again.

 

[KleinerWolf]

What's bad can develop into something good.
Vice versa.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I suddenly realized that I think I want everyone to like me, but if even one person doesn't like me, then I feel like nobody should. The fact I know there are people out there who don't like me is why I don't like myself. It doesn't even matter who they are. It's stupid, but I've always been like that it seems...

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Just realized i haven't interacted with my cat all week. I've been shutting her out of my room.

 

[ItsOverIsntIt]

I want to watch a movie and Ive been trying to but I can't get through it. Everything just feels dull

 

[Myforevercharlie]

What is my cat thinking while staring at the wall?

 

[throwaway123]

I can't believe I'm still here.

 

[http-410]

Exercising is useless. My racing thoughts are faster than me.

 

[WOODESITY]

Today I woke up and while having my first cigarette I was contemplating what it would feel like to go to work and handle daily life over and over again just to die in the end, it's very pointless, frustrating and living in constant anxiety and fear, just asking myself how long can I keep doing this, it feels wrong to be alive, I've hard time forgiving my parents for creating me, even my mother said that I was mistake and wished I died before I was born, and about my father, he thinks he accomplished his most important life purpose, but did he ever think that I'd not like this life, I'm so trapped here

 

[Georgii]

I was thinking of reaching out to some of my old friends that I lost touch while self isolating myself .. but , it's feels so weird ..I have no idea how to open the conversations or if they still even would want to talk to me after I just ghosted them like the asshole I am .

And at the same time I feel like just talking to strangers lately bc it's so much easier .I crave having real talk lately but at the same time I'm so bad at expressing myself I dont even bother trying at this point .
Kinda wished I could have someone I could just call when I'm at my lowest or even on a good day ,but it's pretty impossible and I'd be too awkward to hold a conversation.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I let my cat into my room last night, and I guess she took that as a huge welcome. She ended up staying in my room all day when I was at work. She was laying on my dirty clothes, I guess.

Reminds me of how she sometimes waits at the front door for me. I don't know what I'm going to do when she dies, if I'm even alive to watch her go.

 

[AnotherBrick]

I've never really entertained the idea of destiny or predetermination. I always figured that knowing whether our choices are our own or not wouldn't really influence my behavior anyway.

It's probably just because I've been fixating on it for so long, but I just feel like I'm meant to take myself out in the end.

It's really odd because I've never felt strongly pulled towards any specific action. I gave up trying to control my life quite awhile ago. It's clear circumstances beyond my control will always be there to keep me in line.

I want to CBT so badly. I think about it the majority of every day. My life has been essentially the same boring chores repeated over the course of months. Years, really.

The idea feels comfortable and right to me. I want to leave. I don't feel in control of my life, so it's so tempting to be in control of my death.

I feel like my family is ripping that away from me. I love them. But it hurts they'd rather have their daughter/sister breathing and miserable rather than still and free.

I can't say for sure because I've been trying to avoid temptations like ordering SN, but.. I really think I might be ready to go.

 

[nerve]

Life has been a lot about convincing myself to get up lately. "You know Jenna, you could just take your SN right now and be done with it all" comes up a lot as a response to how much energy it takes to be upright.

All I want to do is rest but there's so much that has to be done and I'm doing it alone. I can't keep up. I just can't, no matter what I do.

 

[http-410]

Found it.

Tired.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I know I just posted about eating better but now I wanna get drunk. Hmmm. I could probably get more drunk because I haven't eaten much and it's been a while since I last ate.

Why do I always want to fuck myself up somehow lol.

 

[262653]

Me and the guy twice bigger than me go out for treasure hunting. We found some gold ingots. The big guy says that he's going to take all the treasure. And what can I do about it? The last time I objected to him, I got beaten into submission. Now, do I have an incentive to go out for treasure hunting with the bigger guy, knowing that he will claim everything valuable we would find? Me is me,the big guy is survival instinct, the gold ingots are the knowledge, and the proportion "I get the gold / he gets the gold" is equal to "I use the knowledge to my advantage / he uses the knowledge to his advantage".

If I want to die, acquiring knowledge (necessarily, the big guy is always around) will stave off my demise. (SI uses knowledge to avoid potential death.) On the other hand, there is unpredictability. No knowledge --> no idea what is going to happen, which means I can't be sure I'm more likely to die the way I prefer to die, than, for example, recieve a serious injury that is compatible with life, get on surveillance of local authorities/life enforcement agencies, and many other things I'd find undesirable.

 

[ForensicallyAware]

I don't know how I get through this life

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I worked so hard to make things at least a little better, and as soon as I got some result, I just got kicked in the face with new trouble. If there's a higher power, I think it's egging me on to CTB faster.

 

[KleinerWolf]

When you love/hate something so fanatically that you wouldn't mind getting shot by a terrorist or joining the army and die in the warzone, that's an indication you are not enjoying life to a greater extent.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

I wanna drown myself so much right now

 

[Lmd]

Another day wasted!! I'm soo excited to spend another night doing nothing!!

 

[http-410]

There's a certain thread that I often think about today. I'd like to tell those people something, but I don't want to influence them either. It just makes me sad.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Bluebottles are intensely stupid.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I'm beginning to get a migraine from stress. Did you guys know that you can actually contract shingles from too much stress? At least that's what people I know have claimed.

 

[http-410]

Right now I'm really frustrated that there is no easy and painless way out. I feel sorry for the other people, even though sympathy is probably useless.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

"I should really go to bed now."

 

[GrumpyFrog]

It's almost 3 AM and I'm still working. I am so exhausted. And the system keeps being slow, making everything even slower. I'm about to develop a gag reflex for whenever I see a loading bar.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

It's almost 3 AM and I'm still working. I am so exhausted. And the system keeps being slow, making everything even slower. I'm about to develop a gag reflex for whenever I see a loading bar.

I want to send a gif in reply, but I don't want it to upset you lol. Sounds like a pretty bad night.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I want to send a gif in reply, but I don't want it to upset you lol. Sounds like a pretty bad night.

Please don't hesitate next time, I am not easily offended :)
Now I'm curious what the gif was