Venting Pretending

[Sadman]

Hello
Anyone else tired of pretending ?

Pretending to be happy ?
Pretending to fit in ?
Pretending to give a damn about what you are expected to give a damn about.

 

[rt1989526]

So tired of it. Been doing it for almost 20 years, and I'm sick of it

 

[BPD Barbie]

*waves* thankful I don't need to keep up the fake happiness for much longer. Its soul destroying.

 

[AlreadyGone]

I stopped pretending. I just let people know that I do not want to be bothered.

 

[Sadman]

Ditto.
It sucks
SN in the cupboard for a year and look at it every day.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i pretend because it's easier than telling people what's actually wrong and having to deal with all the stupid, ingenuine things people say. if i say i'm fine, they leave me alone, and that's exactly what i want.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Absolutely!

I go into work everyday. I try my best to be good at my job but I try even harder to project the image that I'm doing okay on the inside. I need people to think I'm just fine. That way they don't ask any questions. I hate questions.

I have to pretend at home. My actions have to convince my husband that I'm not thinking about trying again. If he suspected, he'd restrict my freedom, or scour the house for my SN and flush it down the toilet again.

I have to pretend when my mom calls. If she know how much pain I was in, she'd start to feel pain too. Since the first attempt she checks up on me everyday to see what my mood is like. I'm in absolute pain and always so close to erupting in tears. But to her, "I'm fine."

I can't wait to not have to pretend anymore.

 

[Nymph]

Hello
Anyone else tired of pretending ?

Pretending to be happy ?
Pretending to fit in ?
Pretending to give a damn about what you are expected to give a damn about.

Yep, tired of putting a mask everytime I see a human being

 

[Tabbyql]

Sooooooo tired, but last couple of weeks I've stopped pretending. Well except for when the delivery guy came round, don't think he would of appreciated my moody af face. Yeah I dunno wether it's the grief or that I'm just done wearing my mask.

 

[Captive of Mind]

Can't wait to end this sick charade. There's no point. It's up to this SN to deliver me into the unknown. I hope it works.

 

[Cherrypea]

Yup, just been acting my whole sodding life.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

so exhausted. My only coping mechanism is to paint on a smile and try to please people, and I've gotten really good at it. Even my closest friends and family think I'm fine all the time. I try to explain to them that I HAVE TO pretend but they don't get it.

I get an hour a week with my therapist, and the rest of the time I'm just that false smile. The person I really am never gets a chance to exist.

 

[speck]

The exhaustion of pretending hit me hard today. I'm starting another set of college courses for a degree I won't live long enough to use. All of them want me to introduce myself in the discussion posts- what can I even say? I see all the business students networking in the posts and I just feel exhausted, I don't want to network. I want to say: I'm going to be dead soon, I'm only doing this for show. Everyday is exhausting, and honestly I just wish that someone would give all of us who are tired an option to stop forever.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I wish I didn't have to pretend, but I do so I don't hurt my family.