Is the a personality disorder?

[Fire&Ash]

for as long as I can remember, I can't make friends or keep them. I tried the "be confident" or "fake it till you make it" and I tried to genially like myself or be outgoing or pretend to act it idk like what I would think a fun girl looks like in middle school/high school but it wasn't enough. I know I was introverted and called quiet but I don't get it. Everyone has some type of issue with me they just don't want to get to know me. I feel like an alien looking from the outside in. I can't enjoy anybodies company I don't remember the last time I though "wow I'm having fun I want to stay" no I'm always wanting to go home. I'm like scared of people or something. I can't keep a conversation going, and I have had some people tell me I was awkward I don't understand I thought I was being outgoing or nice but it's not enough. I am 28 years old and I have no friends and have never been in a relationship I can barely function around people I can't perform good enough or something. I give up. I thought maybe I'm just awkward or maybe I'm on the spectrum but I absolutely feel like I have a heavy feeling on my whole body when I'm around people. I missed out on my whole life and I'm am so alone I don't have anyone. What is wrong with me? Why can't I fit in? How do I change myself??

 

[uzuf86]

Is it possible you're on the autism spectrum?

 

[sserafim]

Sounds like autism to me

 

[EvisceratedJester]

If you want to know if you have a personality disorder or not then you would need to go and see someone actually qualified to diagnose you and then, preferably, find another professional to give a second opinion on it. With that in mind, none of what you've described makes it sound like you suffer from a personality disorder. What you are describing sounds much closer to something like autism or social communication disorder, or even just regular good old fashioned social awkwardness. Again, I'm not a professional and these aren't diagnoses. Please go and see someone who is actually qualified to diagnose you if you are able to.

If you are interested, here are some articles on personality disorders, along with SCD and ASD:

Spoiler

Personality disorders - Symptoms and causes

www.mayoclinic.org

What are personality disorders?

Personality disorders can affect your relationships and your self-image. They're not a personal choice; they're mental health conditions. These are the symptoms and treatment options.

psychcentral.com

Quick Guide to Social Communication Disorder - Child Mind Institute

Download our free guide to social communication disorder in kids. Children with social communication disorder have trouble using language to interact with other people. They might struggle to interpret other people’s words and gestures, use greetings, and have conversations.

childmind.org

Signs & Symptoms | Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) | NCBDDD | CDC

Learn about signs and symptoms regarding conditions called autism spectrum disorder (ASD).

www.cdc.gov

 

[tbroken]

Did you ever experience traumatic events or did anybody do something to you, that you cannot forget?
It is the same for me, everybody sees me like a nice/normal guy, but some things that happened in my life and some people are stuck in my head and it is extremely difficult for me to trust others.
After some time i got used to it and i see it like some sort of quality.
Another explanation can be fear of failure.

 

[sapphoslastpoem]

Sounds like possible ASD but you should look into getting evaluated first before assuming of course