HeyBoogahJr
I'm still here.
- Apr 25, 2026
- 153
Today, I lost a friend.
I had tried my best again. I did what I could to cope. I left with grace and kindness.
I lay on the sofa. I was crying, my tears just kept falling. Snot kept leaking. And my chest felt raw and tight.
I had dreamed about the man who could give me what I needed most. Time and comfort. I came to terms with the loss of my friend, but I still needed a hug.
They aren't dead. They just chose to stop being friends with me. That's okay. It's just me again.
I tried reaching out to other friends, but no one really took the time to say anything or ask about how I was doing.
Is there really no one else like me who bothers to ask or care this much about other people? I feel so alone in this. I feel so alien. I feel a lot and love a lot, but no one is around to return a hug or dare they even ask: "are you okay?"
Mum wasn't in the mood. Okay, that's fine. She's allowed to be. I'll just do my own thing.
I did my own thing. But that didn't prevent the seeds of loneliness, doubt and anger taking root within my mind.
Again.
Again.
it was just me.
Again...
What is really stopping me from killing myself? I've been left alone again. The person I thought would be my friend for a long while, someone like me. They turned around and left.
I ate the food I liked. I reached out. I moved. I tried and mum was still upset with me.
I ran out the house, I made my way down the usual route. The usual thoughts bouncing around in my mind. "Like they have any meaning." The thoughts in my mind of someone within, whoever it was pushing and prodding at all the ways they could stop myself from killing myself.
I arrived at the forest. I sat in the woods and cried for a long while. Tried making a suicide film for a dear friend but it didn't matter.
I had found my sweet spot again. Just about above my Adam's apple.
But I spend the next hour just crying and wondering and thinking about what I'm doing, instead of just ending it.
I had tried again one more time, but I couldn't do it. I thought of ways to add that extra bit of permanence, but I couldn't do it.
I walked home, grabbed food and talked to mum.
I'm just not really gonna bother with her anymore. And as for me. I don't know either.
All I wanted today was a hug. I wanted someone to ask me how I was doing and I wanted to be comforted.
My friend left me and no one was around to help.
I'd still prefer ending my life on a trip to the beach. The forest was too cold, damp and creepy today.
Goodnight, sweet friends.
I had tried my best again. I did what I could to cope. I left with grace and kindness.
I lay on the sofa. I was crying, my tears just kept falling. Snot kept leaking. And my chest felt raw and tight.
I had dreamed about the man who could give me what I needed most. Time and comfort. I came to terms with the loss of my friend, but I still needed a hug.
They aren't dead. They just chose to stop being friends with me. That's okay. It's just me again.
I tried reaching out to other friends, but no one really took the time to say anything or ask about how I was doing.
Is there really no one else like me who bothers to ask or care this much about other people? I feel so alone in this. I feel so alien. I feel a lot and love a lot, but no one is around to return a hug or dare they even ask: "are you okay?"
Mum wasn't in the mood. Okay, that's fine. She's allowed to be. I'll just do my own thing.
I did my own thing. But that didn't prevent the seeds of loneliness, doubt and anger taking root within my mind.
Again.
Again.
it was just me.
Again...
What is really stopping me from killing myself? I've been left alone again. The person I thought would be my friend for a long while, someone like me. They turned around and left.
I ate the food I liked. I reached out. I moved. I tried and mum was still upset with me.
I ran out the house, I made my way down the usual route. The usual thoughts bouncing around in my mind. "Like they have any meaning." The thoughts in my mind of someone within, whoever it was pushing and prodding at all the ways they could stop myself from killing myself.
I arrived at the forest. I sat in the woods and cried for a long while. Tried making a suicide film for a dear friend but it didn't matter.
I had found my sweet spot again. Just about above my Adam's apple.
But I spend the next hour just crying and wondering and thinking about what I'm doing, instead of just ending it.
I had tried again one more time, but I couldn't do it. I thought of ways to add that extra bit of permanence, but I couldn't do it.
I walked home, grabbed food and talked to mum.
I'm just not really gonna bother with her anymore. And as for me. I don't know either.
All I wanted today was a hug. I wanted someone to ask me how I was doing and I wanted to be comforted.
My friend left me and no one was around to help.
I'd still prefer ending my life on a trip to the beach. The forest was too cold, damp and creepy today.
Goodnight, sweet friends.
