Discussion Poll: If you saw someone about to jump- would you try to talk to them or even stop them?

[Forever Sleep]

I felt motivated to post this poll after reading the thread by: sevenkarmas: 'Good intentions or just making someone stay because they are stuck here too?'

I guess it's come about because when I watched 'The Bridge' years ago, I can't believe that no-one tried to talk to or stop Gene Sprague when he jumped. The bridge looked really busy that day and while his actions looked very confident rather than hesitant, so maybe there wasn't enough time to react, I'm still surprised no one did...

It's a weird conflict in me because- while I ABSOLUTELY believe we have the right to take our own lives, the feelings become a bit complicated when you envisage a life or death situation about to happen suddenly in front of you. Weirdly again- I don't mean here either. Here it feels like by the time a 'goodbye' thread is posted, it's not 'right' to try and 'help.'

What I'm trying to say (badly) is- if you witnessed someone about to jump or otherwise take their own life- would you make any attempt to talk to them? Would you try and talk them out of it? Or would you use your pro-choice logic and let them be? I realise that this has legal ramifications too- as I guess you can get into trouble for not providing assistance but I'm focusing more on the emotional response and thought process. Say there were no authorities to ask you why you did or didn't help- what would you do?

I find there's this weird contradiction that goes on in my brain when I think about it- like- oh shit- they're going to jump. They must feel so desperate and so alone. Maybe I should try and make them feel less alone (normal empathetic/ sympathetic response.) It's awful to think that they are going to leave this world believing that no one gives a shit about them- if I don't at least try and reach out... Still... It's their choice. Their life must have been awful for it to have come to this... It's not like I can fix it either and they'll likely curse me now and later for trying to stop them.

I hope the post makes some sort of sense and I was curious to see how other people think they would react. I certainly don't think the answer: 'Try to talk to them AND dissuade them' outs you as a pro-lifer. I just think it's a very complicated thing to contemplate. What do you think?

 

[Life_and_Death]

multiple choice, i cant say whether or not id dissuade them without knowing their story. id certainly stop and talk to them though. and just personally as i dont like jumping, would at least try to talk them into a "better" method

 

[FallFadesIntoWinter]

I'd listen to them talk/vent/ramble wholly without saying a word.

After that, I wouldn't advise them of a thing because after they just talked, maybe they answered their own question.

 

[freedomcalls]

I'd talk to them - whether or not I'd try to talk them out of it… I don't know

I think it would depend on the circumstances (would it be likely to be successful or potentially painful / traumatising for others eg if they were going to jump onto a road etc where a driver may be forced to hit them?)
I guess I'd probably ask some questions but I hope in a non judgemental way to find out if they'd felt that way for long, and who'd miss them etc

It's an interesting question

I knew somebody who died by suicide 3 years ago and I know that she has been suffering greatly for a long time and couldn't see a way out…. I understand her choice to die. However her 13 year old daughter posted on socials yesterday "suicide doesn't end the pain, it passes it on"
Do I wish for her sake that someone had stopped her - 100% BUT only if there was also adequate support options in place to provide her with the support she needed to move forwards in her life and change the circumstances she'd felt so trapped in

 

[never mind me]

I wouldn't interfere with somebody about to kill him/herself. I would hate people interfering, if I ever decided to kill myself, so why should I do it to others? Although I must admit, that I could probably not bear to not talk the person out of killing him/herself, if it was somebody who is really important to me. But that's probably only because I am too selfish and don't want to lose someone I love.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Thanks for the very thoughtful responses: @Life_and_Death , @FallFadesIntoWinter , @freedomcalls , @never mind me.

Of course- you're all absolutely right. Kind of stupid poll questions- of course you're not going to know what to say without hearing their story. I loved your response too @FallFadesIntoWinter - let them do the talking. I guess that's really it isn't it- you feel like you want to give them the opportunity to be 'heard' before they decide what they want to do- just to show them that someone does actually care. Reckon this place is a bit like that- somewhere to voice stuff you probably can't say anywhere else.

I also understand your reaction @never mind me - as I think the majority of us indeed wouldn't want to be interrupted. Thanks.

 

[BipolarExpress]

I'd listen to them nonjudgmentally. I wouldn't feel right saying or doing nothing, since we could be dealing with a suicidal person for whom killing oneself *is* a drastic response to a temporary problem, but I would also feel uncomfortable giving the person the old it-gets-better platitudes. What I value the most in this state is people willing to listen without preaching or minimizing. Unfortunately, a lot of suicide-protection tactics tend toward the minimizing platitudes, which is why I avoid hotlines and suchlike.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, if someone is about to jump it's nothing to do with me, nobody else has any right to interfere with someone else's personal decision, it's their life, if they want to jump then that's up to them. To try to stop someone is unfair, I would be absolutely horrified if I attempted to ctb and someone interfered. Trying to force people to exist is cruel and selfish, I despise the view that society holds that suffering must be prolonged at all costs, there is no benefit to existing after all, unless that is what the person wants. The right to die is a human right after all and I envy the courage of those who have jumped.

 

[Daria98765]

I wouldn't do anything.
Dude has right to die

 

[aladdin]

Yes, I'd talk to them. It wouldn't feel right to just let them be. They could always come back to the same spot and jump once I'm gone, or ignore my presence entirely and jump anyway.

 

[niiina]

Gonna be very honest, I'd leave them be.
I'd hate if someone would try to interfere on my moment to ctb so I wouldn't do that to another person, also that's none of my business.
But let's say they actually need someone to talk to, this one is not me.
Leave them be

 

[chloramine]

I don't think it's wrong to try and dissuade someone or offer them someone to talk to. There's a difference between giving an out and forcing someone to live. I hope I would at least talk to another person in that situation. I don't know exactly what I would say or whether I would ask them not to die. I wouldn't want them to, but if they were set on that I wouldn't physically force them to not.

 

[sourpink]

i think nuance comes into play here - if it were someone i knew well enough that speaking to them could be warranted in that situation, i likely would. but with the intention of listening, providing what comfort was wanted and that i was able to offer. i don't feel it would be my place to try to persuade a person, even someone i care deeply for and hold dearly.
anyone else? literally anyone who i don't have that close or deep understanding in a relationship with? nope. it may sound cold to some, but it's not my business, i am no one to them and any contact i might strike up of any intent wouldn't be received and understood as would be in the former category. personally, having been the one a 'concerned stranger' approached, while their intentions may have been good, it made me feel worse, and actually more alone and misunderstood. so, ethically and on a personal anecdotal level, carrying on my own way is both the kindest and the 'right' thing to do, in my view.
it isn't my business to interfere in either situation, and i would only feel right in speaking with someone in the former category, and only to be what ear or sounding board or voice of comfort they want.
this is purely how i feel about this on an ethical level. obviously, there are instances in which a person could receive some degree of liability in witnessing and choosing not to interfere or interact at all. i really don't know how i feel about that, the 'covering my own ass' obligatory "perhaps don't die". ethically, i find myself diametrically opposed to such laws. i can't say that i would actually hold to those values in such a situation, though.
thanks for offering up this discussion, and i hope my bit of a waffle makes sense.

 

[Pentobarbital_Plz]

I would cheer them on. It takes courage to catch that bus!

 

[another@]

I chose "leave them be". I think it is accurate to how I would react. While many people would probably say, "I would try to help them and give them methods if they really need it", in reality I (probably most people imo) would be too scared or worried to intervene. Even the sight of death, even imminent death, is too traumatising to be around. But I and probably most people would hover around probably leaving a discord handle, email, phone number, etc to give them the opportunity to connect if they need it. Personally I consider this to be the no-contact, most empathetic reaction because it doesn't interfere with the person but allows access to help. How do I know that many people do this? Well, in many mental wards, at least the ones I've been to, folks do this; they mind their own business and offer contact info for when they get out, and talk if it's interesting. However I think that what society wants to be considered the "right thing" is to pretend to care and not make friends. Because that's what the wards tell us, they care and you shouldn't make friends here. How backwards.

I chose "leave them be". I think it is accurate to how I would react. While many people would probably say, "I would try to help them and give them methods if they really need it", in reality I (probably most people imo) would be too scared or worried to intervene. Even the sight of death, even imminent death, is too traumatising to be around. But I and probably most people would hover around probably leaving a discord handle, email, phone number, etc to give them the opportunity to connect if they need it. Personally I consider this to be the no-contact, most empathetic reaction because it doesn't interfere with the person but allows access to help. How do I know that many people do this? Well, in many mental wards, at least the ones I've been to, folks do this; they mind their own business and offer contact info for when they get out, and talk if it's interesting. However I think that what society wants to be considered the "right thing" is to pretend to care and not make friends. Because that's what the wards tell us, they care and you shouldn't make friends here. How backwards.

So the lesson here is: empathy means different things for average people vs people in power. Imo.

I chose "leave them be". I think it is accurate to how I would react. While many people would probably say, "I would try to help them and give them methods if they really need it", in reality I (probably most people imo) would be too scared or worried to intervene. Even the sight of death, even imminent death, is too traumatising to be around. But I and probably most people would hover around probably leaving a discord handle, email, phone number, etc to give them the opportunity to connect if they need it. Personally I consider this to be the no-contact, most empathetic reaction because it doesn't interfere with the person but allows access to help. How do I know that many people do this? Well, in many mental wards, at least the ones I've been to, folks do this; they mind their own business and offer contact info for when they get out, and talk if it's interesting. However I think that what society wants to be considered the "right thing" is to pretend to care and not make friends. Because that's what the wards tell us, they care and you shouldn't make friends here. How backwards.

So the lesson here is: empathy means different things for average people vs people in power. Imo.

I can't delete this mention, help :(

 

[theboy]

I would say
let's jump together

 

[willitpass]

i would probably not talk to them. because morally i know if i did talk to them i would feel compelled to try to dissuade them. even though i am pro-choice, if faced with someone trying to ctb i wouldn't feel right letting it happen in front of me, so i would probably walk away

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I'm having trouble answering this.

I'd definitely want to talk to them. I'd want to ask them if this is what they really want. If it's just a weak moment for them, then I'd work to guide them away.

If they knew this was the proper end for them, I'd think about how meaningful it might be to have someone with them. (I'm not looking forward to being alone for it. It's what I like least about the ordeal.) But then I would have to live with knowing I was part of their death. I think that would be extremely difficult for me.

 

[justwanasleep]

I was on the train to london a few months ago and someone jumped infront of a train on the track near Milton Keynes. We were stuck for hours and everyone was talking about it and feeling sad for the person whereas I was jelous and elated for them that theyd done it and it worked. I'm 99% sure if I saw someone jumping or wanting to I'd walk on by and leave them too it.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Hmm… or maybe I'd join them. Maybe having a partner for it would make it easier for both of us.

 

[SamTam33]

I'd ask them to tell me their story and if there was anything they'd want me to tell their friends/family.

In what universe would it make sense to try and stop them or talk them down? Why? How could I possibly know if their life was worth living?

No way would I try and stop them.

 

[CTB Dream]

This complicate scenario, what short rang jump fail , of course let but have bottle n give instd ,not want last moment sufferi

 

[UnlimitedPain]

I would defo stop, talk and listen hear there story and give them my time

but truthfully I don't know if I would try or be able to dissuade them

Never been in that position before

 

[TAW122]

I don't believe in intervening against someone who is about to CTB as it's not my place nor my prerogative to do so. Plus, I might not make things better, but could make things worse by intervening. I would most likely just ignore it and respect their decision.

 

[The Eeyorish One]

I would definitely talk to them at least. I wouldn't encourage or discourage them from it, but I would try to relate to them and try to help if possible. Maybe that would involve just listening to them empathetically, or perhaps it'd be more along the lines of offering advice/sharing my story and commiserating. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'd want to help if possible, but I'd also respect their decision to go through with it. I'd hope to be able to at least help point them in the right direction for a less painful/terrifying method.