Venting Pointless

[ABadPerson]

Stopped having anything to say, well, anything meaningful anyways.
A weird, silent sensation close to pain but not quite covering any conscious thought I try to have; just typing without trying to think on anything, at least not on a conscious level, maybe it'll make me get better.

It gets worse the more I try to attempt anything, a mental block of some kind forcing me to lack productivity, so I just called off sick and spent the entire day in my room. Alone. Tired.
I don't think I get genuinely 'depressed' in the general sense, it's not some active state where I start spiralling out unless I'm breaking down, nothing really matters to me, that's all. Nothing. Fundamentally I see no point in existing, especially with how hellish my mind is, so why live? I reject it, all of this. At the same time, I can't say I have no fear towards death, especially with how I grew up in a Christian 'household' but it only seems to get progressively worse the more I drag it out. Yet I still do.

Maybe this was a pointless post, didn't seem to help at all, but for some reason I still want people to see at least.

 

[Suzzana]

Stopped having anything to say, well, anything meaningful anyways.
A weird, silent sensation close to pain but not quite covering any conscious thought I try to have; just typing without trying to think on anything, at least not on a conscious level, maybe it'll make me get better.

It gets worse the more I try to attempt anything, a mental block of some kind forcing me to lack productivity, so I just called off sick and spent the entire day in my room. Alone. Tired.
I don't think I get genuinely 'depressed' in the general sense, it's not some active state where I start spiralling out unless I'm breaking down, nothing really matters to me, that's all. Nothing. Fundamentally I see no point in existing, especially with how hellish my mind is, so why live? I reject it, all of this. At the same time, I can't say I have no fear towards death, especially with how I grew up in a Christian 'household' but it only seems to get progressively worse the more I drag it out. Yet I still do.

Maybe this was a pointless post, didn't seem to help at all, but for some reason I still want people to see at least.

i feel this so much everything you said i cant explain how eerie it is to relate so much with every word. i continue to live idk why