Of course. Feel free to ask me anything
They say freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose, right?
Because choice it really just an illusion. We are all just puppets to fate.
I love your attitude and it's true
We all do, that is why we are here. I have spent a month preparing but I am hanging on as are many others. I don't know exactly where others' hesitation comes in. My is shame I guess. But if you can find something to hold onto for hope, I hope you do. I do, however, know exactly how it feels to have lost all hope after being a very kind, giving person my entire life (or so I have been told). People have taken advantage of you perhaps. If we didn't care about others, we would be sociopaths which is worse than being suicidal. I think is good you cared about other people. It is disgusting that they didn't care the same way in return.
We can make lots of little choices on the way though.... just to make us feel in control
Thank you for the words of kindness. It really does mean a lot. I never dreamed so many people would care so much.
Well, I am here. Anytime. I don't sleep much. If you think talking puts you at ease, you should be able to send me a PM now (I think that is how this works?).
I understand what you are saying for sure and I completely respect it. I have my SN and other meds when I wake up from a PTSD nightmare one time too many. I know life is sometimes just too difficult to face another day of it. I am definitely not fooling around here. I know pain, through and through... 46 solid years of it. I do respect your message though.
I should add that I have been on this site for a month but never really felt the need to sign up... it has been very useful in finding all the methods. I am glad it is here for when people have nowhere else to turn, for sure.
I've always felt the same about myself. I'll have some people say I'm attractive though and I don't understand what they're seeing. I'm not into guys, but I think a lot of woman would find you good looking. I hope this isn't playing a gigantic role as to why you think you have to make this decision.
It was for another member ref SN. Long story.
I'm new to the pain - 3 years and i wanted to ctb 6 months in and before that just a healthy active loving 47 yr old woman. I'm so angry I've lived thru what i have and suffered this way. I've tried ctb and caused more pain. Being alone thru it is the hardest part. Torturous
I'd be lying if I didn't say I felt unattractive and worry about dying alone.
Truthfully, everyone here has been so extraordinarily kind to me, that me resolve has weakened a bit. I felt so sure all week. And I still want to, but it does feel good hearing that I'm attractive and that people actually enjoying my writing.
That's what's makes me stay here. Most people really do care. Try finding that irl
Honestly i think most people get saved here than succeed with ctb. I've found i think 3 that went through with it but most were still here or still active on the site after posting it was over. No one is encouraging nor discouraging and share same feelings. Whatever you decide is not right or wrong. It's choice. Your fate changes with every choice made. I believe that.
True. It is permanent. And everyone has shown me such warmth that I had forgotten even existed in this world. I am second guessing my choice now.
I don't know you at all but I feel that you should work on liking and appreciating yourself... perhaps talking more and building up some relationships would help, even if they are just unnamed persons on the internet. Always helps to like yourself when others people like you... although ideally it's the other way round
The truth is in a week when all the attention dies down, you still have only yourself to face . You must like that face. If you choose to stay i suggest posting your writings in the SS lounge or even in the suicide section and recovery to entertain people and keep your self worth high. Post it on FB or even submit online writers chat forum. If you leave you have touched others. I'm a terrible writer.
You read me like an open book.
