Still unable to get ligature strangulation to get my carotids, I tried my backup method, partial, last night. I've been able to get my carotids with partial, but then SI invites itself in like a giant tidal wave, and I never last past 3-4 seconds. I decided to watch things that make me nostalgic, as well as drink some 30 proof alcohol, to overcome it this time. Then, I made my attempt.
Unfortunately, the results were still the same. After 3 seconds, I whispered, "I can't do this!" to myself and went up in a horribly awkward and uncoordinated way. Then when I went to sleep that night, I had multiple dreams where I was planning to CTB. As if my body was making fun of me for daring to overcome it last night.
I may have to try full then. The good news is I have the perfect place to do it, and I'll have the whole place to myself when I do it. The bad news is, I have to wait until tomorrow night until that happens. Living life one day at a time is getting more and more difficult, especially with the blissful portal into the afterlife being so close.
Unfortunately, the results were still the same. After 3 seconds, I whispered, "I can't do this!" to myself and went up in a horribly awkward and uncoordinated way. Then when I went to sleep that night, I had multiple dreams where I was planning to CTB. As if my body was making fun of me for daring to overcome it last night.
I may have to try full then. The good news is I have the perfect place to do it, and I'll have the whole place to myself when I do it. The bad news is, I have to wait until tomorrow night until that happens. Living life one day at a time is getting more and more difficult, especially with the blissful portal into the afterlife being so close.
