Peter Pan Syndrome

[sserafim]

I think I have Peter Pan Syndrome. I never wanted to grow up, and I don't want to become a "real adult" or make my own living. I wish I could be taken care of forever, and never have to be independent or on my own. I'm honestly scared to enter the real world. I'm a shut-in/hikikomori right now bc I don't want to go outside and face people or interact with them. Therefore, I have no job, but I also don't want one either because I don't want to be a wageslave to capitalism. I don't want to work away my life. Honestly I hate having to be an adult and wish I ctb'ed before I became one. I wish I never had to grow up, and I wish I could be a kid again

 

[aiki__0]

This could also be related to autism. Have you looked into it?

 

[sserafim]

This could also be related to autism. Have you looked into it?

Oh really? Interesting, I didn't know this was related to autism. Unfortunately I have both ADHD and autism level 1, as well as social anxiety. I have the 3 A's (the terrible trio). Anyways they make my life a living hell. I wonder if I would still be suicidal if I were neurotypical

 

[aiki__0]

Oh really? Interesting, I didn't know this was related to autism. Unfortunately I have both ADHD and autism level 1, as well as social anxiety. I have the dreaded trio (terrible trio?)

Yeah it can be for some people
I have autism and have been mentally stumped since I was 13 , I have never had a job because of the horrifying thought of growing up and not having people around me to figure out everything for me or point me in the right direction
It's one of the reasons I'm suicidal

 

[temporal_anchorite]

I relate to this profoundly. I'm 25, but I feel as if my maturation stunted at 17, likely even earlier. I was forced to "grow up" only due to number of extreme circumstances imposed upon me (arrested at the age of 12, involuntarily committed to a number of acute psychiatric hospitals & later a residential treatment facility from the ages of 15-18, kicked out of the house & forced to live on my own at the age of 21).

But despite periods of repeated hardship and adversity, I never truly grew up. Those experiences thrust upon me were never developmentally fruitful in any meaningful sense. Most people would harden from such personal austerity. Some would learn, some would grow. Not me. I only regressed, somehow became even more alien, more erratic, more ill-tempered, more detached from the world around me.

Now I grieve over a stolen adolescence and childhood. Forgoing the more desirable commonplace social milestones that so many share resulted in increased pathological neuroticism, social isolation, and general alienation. I am left as an empty chasm full of longing and desire for a time less troublesome, less lonely than now. I'm a child occupying an aged vessel by no will of his own, because the responsibilities of adult life have proven to be far too demanding and burdensome. Being an adult requires syncing up & engaging with your external reality. And confronting that reality is far more painful and taxing than retreating inside the rich internal cosmos constructed by the childlike imaginative mind.

 

[borderline-feline]

I'm the same way. I'm very childlike because of trauma, and I just can't be a real adult. I tried having a job, but I had to quit because it was too hard. Now I'm stuck with the fallout of quitting and have to apply for disability. I don't have any understanding of the world around me, yet I'm expected to fit into it and contribute. I've only left my house once since quitting a little over a month ago, and I don't intend on leaving my house again any time soon.

Mentally, I'm stuck at 12 since that's when the worst of my trauma happened.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Oh really? Interesting, I didn't know this was related to autism. Unfortunately I have both ADHD and autism level 1, as well as social anxiety. I have the 3 A's (the terrible trio). Anyways they make my life a living hell. I wonder if I would still be suicidal if I were neurotypical

If this is the case, a scip of Adderall may jumpstart the ability to want to leave the house and experience something. Although it doesn't directly alleviate anxiety, it could give you the mental energy and focus to deal with it. At least that's what it does for me.

 

[girlwithflaxenhair0]

I think I have Peter Pan Syndrome. I never wanted to grow up, and I don't want to become a "real adult" or make my own living. I wish I could be taken care of forever, and never have to be independent or on my own. I'm honestly scared to enter the real world. I'm a shut-in/hikikomori right now bc I don't want to go outside and face people or interact with them. Therefore, I have no job, but I also don't want one either because I don't want to be a wageslave to capitalism. I don't want to work away my life. Honestly I hate having to be an adult and wish I ctb'ed before I became one. I wish I never had to grow up, and I wish I could be a kid again

this is very very relatable to me, i don't have a job and dont want one because it scares me and it still feels like jobs are something "adults" do, not me (i'm 21). interacting with people my own age (especially if they have a job) feels so strange - even though we're the same age, it feels like they are so much older than me. but i don't really interact with people outside of my siblings often because i'm also pretty much a hikikomori rn.

honestly this is one of the things that terrifies me most, i'm scared of growing up and having to be an adult, and i can never be a kid again. i feel like i just missed out on being a kid and being a teenager bc i didnt rly have friends or go outside or experience anything during those years. i wish i could just rewind or make myself younger so i could be a kid again. i feel like i'm still mentally/emotionally maybe 16 or 17. I'm nowhere near ready to be an adult. I don't know how to do that and I definitely dont want to

 

[Jan1193]

Maybe I had the same problem. I don't want to get a f*king job and I don't wanna do all the adult stuff that is suposed to I have to do. I live alone since my mother past away, but I hate everything and the house is a mess only because my fault. I would like to ctb just to forget all about this material and cruel state

 

[Miss Anthropy]

I dont think humans are meant to live like this, i think society is messed up, not you. Whats it mean to "be an adult"? Like, slave away in some menial job for low wages, barely able to live on the spacerock we are all born on to? I say thats not anything im interested in either. Let me get this straight....im supposed to wake up when i dont want to, go to a place i hate and do things for someone else so they can make money off of my misery, nah fk a lotta that, what for? I think Peter Pan syndrome is the only correct answer. I think you are normal but what do i know.

 

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

Yeah adulthood highkey scares the shit out of me. Problem is I want absolute independence but know I am not capable of it so it's a bit paradoxical

 

[sserafim]

I relate to this profoundly. I'm 25, but I feel as if my maturation stunted at 17, likely even earlier. I was forced to "grow up" only due to number of extreme circumstances imposed upon me (arrested at the age of 12, involuntarily committed to a number of acute psychiatric hospitals & later a residential treatment facility from the ages of 15-18, kicked out of the house & forced to live on my own at the age of 21).

But despite periods of repeated hardship and adversity, I never truly grew up. Those experiences thrust upon me were never developmentally fruitful in any meaningful sense. Most people would harden from such personal austerity. Some would learn, some would grow. Not me. I only regressed, somehow became even more alien, more erratic, more ill-tempered, more detached from the world around me.

Now I grieve over a stolen adolescence and childhood. Forgoing the more desirable commonplace social milestones that so many share resulted in increased pathological neuroticism, social isolation, and general alienation. I am left as an empty chasm full of longing and desire for a time less troublesome, less lonely than now. I'm a child occupying an aged vessel by no will of his own, because the responsibilities of adult life have proven to be far too demanding and burdensome. Being an adult requires syncing up & engaging with your external reality. And confronting that reality is far more painful and taxing than retreating inside the rich internal cosmos constructed by the childlike imaginative mind.

I'm sorry to hear that you've experienced so many hardships in your life. I'm barely 23 but I feel like I'm mentally 17 max. I heard people with ADHD are like 75% less mature than their peers, so maybe that's a factor? Idk though. I'm just scared of becoming an adult and having to do "real world" things because I honestly never imagined myself living this long. I never even imagined myself graduating high school or college, I thought I would never become 18 years old.

I was bullied in middle school (like when I was 12-13) so maybe I'm emotionally traumatized? But I don't think my mental age is stuck there or stuck that young. I'm not age-regressing or age-regressed, I'm just scared of growing up. I think I mentally never matured past 17 at most. Something emotionally traumatizing also happened to me when I was barely 18, so maybe this is also a factor.

The thing is, I never envisioned a future for myself where I actually became an adult, ever since I was a kid I didn't have a dream job and I didn't want to be an adult. I didn't look forward to growing up, I never wanted to grow up

If this is the case, a scip of Adderall may jumpstart the ability to want to leave the house and experience something. Although it doesn't directly alleviate anxiety, it could give you the mental energy and focus to deal with it. At least that's what it does for me.

Lol maybe if I took my meds I'd actually want to do stuff….I don't want to leave the house or experience anything tho. I just want to stay at home in my comfort zone and never venture out

 

[12_Years_Late]

This.

Every single post here in this thread, I can relate to.

I willingly chose to skip a happy childhood and entire developmental milestones because I love the afterlife more than actual life.

Because of this, it is virtually impossible for me to have any kind of a successful future. I have essentially none of the brain capacity required to focus on work, hold down a job, or even do simple things such as write a check or address a letter. Possibly also losing parts of brain function, as my short-term memory is almost completely gone. I only remember recent things for a few moments and then forget about them.

I've never had an actual diagnosis of anything, but I'm sure that my body is breaking down internally because it has not really developed for more than a decade. Who knows, some day I may just collapse on the street.

 

[Tears in Rain]

bump

If you have Peter Pan Syndrome how can you help yourself? Personally, I don't want to help myself but I will have to eventually become a real adult if my parents stop supporting me and I don't ctb. Ugh everything is just so overwhelming for me…

Is that an actual syndrome, or is it more that your severe social anxiety and other mental health issues make you fearful of doing adult things like work interactions, relationships, etc.?

Is it less wanting to stay in childhood, and more to do with avoiding adult interactions?

 

[sserafim]

Is that an actual syndrome, or is it more that your severe social anxiety and other mental health issues make you fearful of doing adult things like work interactions, relationships, etc.?

Is it less wanting to stay in childhood, and more to do with avoiding adult interactions?

It's not an official disorder; it's not included in the DMS-5. I have social anxiety and other mental health issues preventing me from adulting, but the thing is that I don't want to become a real adult either. I just don't want to adult. I don't want to have to become independent and take responsibility for myself. I failed to launch into adulthood, but I didn't even want to launch anyways. I wish that I could have stayed a kid forever; I wish that I didn't have to grow up.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Pan_syndrome

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Failure_to_launch

 

[Malaria]

I also have Peter Pan syndrome, I think. I want to be a kid so badly again. I want to relive my favorite childhood and adolescent years. My childhood wasn't perfect, but it's better than now. I hate being an adult, it's not fun, it doesn't make me happy, it makes me miserable and scared.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I relate. I never wanted to be an adult either and I don't understand how many people are okay with being an adult. It baffles me. They say that there's more freedom in adulthood than childhood but I don't see any freedom at all. I think that the only adults who are free to do anything are the ultra rich billionaires or something

 

[divinemistress87]

Adulthood is a scam

 

[sserafim]

Adulthood is a scam

Literally. I knew this ever since I was a kid. I never wanted to grow up

 

[Tears in Rain]

It's not an official disorder; it's not included in the DMS-5. I have social anxiety and other mental health issues preventing me from adulting, but the thing is that I don't want to become a real adult either.

It seems that your mental health situation has held you back, leading to you not wanting to become an adult.
Have you tried different treatments for your social anxiety?

 

[unabletocope]

This is an interesting topic. I think I have questioned this throughout my life and definitely in some more recent years, what I should start with is by saying its okay to be immature from time to time, to be childish from time to time, the people who repress these things are more likely to be Peter Pans. Now as for being Peter Pans, from my own life experience without trying to diagnose anything I think it's related to things where people are attached to things in ways that really do stand out as odd, I think its too simplistic to base it on things like living with your parents, it's more having attachments to things that make a person deformed and there is a difference between that and not necessarily having a completely independent life

 

[sserafim]

This is an interesting topic. I think I have questioned this throughout my life and definitely in some more recent years, what I should start with is by saying its okay to be immature from time to time, to be childish from time to time, the people who repress these things are more likely to be Peter Pans. Now as for being Peter Pans, from my own life experience without trying to diagnose anything I think it's related to things where people are attached to things in ways that really do stand out as odd, I think its too simplistic to base it on things like living with your parents, it's more having attachments to things that make a person deformed and there is a difference between that and not necessarily having a completely independent life

Wdym?

 

[unabletocope]

Wdym?

You can be a completely independent person and still have attachments to things that are childlike, as an example someone could work a job, have a 300k house 100k car but be heavily attached to Disney or preschool activities like climbing trees or dressing up as teddy bears or whatever, it's quite a difficult thing to accurately nail down but there is quite a strong difference between being stuck in these behaviours and something like living with your parents in your 30s

 

[sserafim]

You can be a completely independent person and still have attachments to things that are childlike, as an example someone could work a job, have a 300k house 100k car but be heavily attached to Disney or preschool activities like climbing trees or dressing up as teddy bears or whatever, it's quite a difficult thing to accurately nail down but there is quite a strong difference between being stuck in these behaviours and something like living with your parents in your 30s

I'm not attracted to and don't have attachment to things that are childlike. I just don't want to grow up or be independent or responsible for myself lol. This is a better description

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puer_aeternus

"In Jung's conception, the puer typically leads a "provisional life" due to the fear of being caught in a situation from which it might not be possible to escape. The puer covets independence and freedom, opposes boundaries and limits and tends to find any restriction intolerable."

Having to work for a living would restrict the freedom in my life. The restriction of freedom that work and a job brings would be intolerable to me

 

[Throwawayacc3]

I'm sorry to hear that you've experienced so many hardships in your life. I'm barely 23 but I feel like I'm mentally 17 max. I heard people with ADHD are like 75% less mature than their peers, so maybe that's a factor? Idk though. I'm just scared of becoming an adult and having to do "real world" things because I honestly never imagined myself living this long. I never even imagined myself graduating high school or college, I thought I would never become 18 years old.

I was bullied in middle school (like when I was 12-13) so maybe I'm emotionally traumatized? But I don't think my mental age is stuck there or stuck that young. I'm not age-regressing or age-regressed, I'm just scared of growing up. I think I mentally never matured past 17 at most. Something emotionally traumatizing also happened to me when I was barely 18, so maybe this is also a factor.

The thing is, I never envisioned a future for myself where I actually became an adult, ever since I was a kid I didn't have a dream job and I didn't want to be an adult. I didn't look forward to growing up, I never wanted to grow up

Lol maybe if I took my meds I'd actually want to do stuff….I don't want to leave the house or experience anything tho. I just want to stay at home in my comfort zone and never venture out

Can't comment on the ADHD stuff (I don't think I have it but who knows when I get the diagnosis) but the other stuff is pretty similar to my past. 12-13 bullying (a given) plus 1 of the knife robberies on the bus. So it's definitely linked to trauma.

For me I started to see how much of a sham the world and systems were. The thing that exposed my mind to all this stuff? 2002 - Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty. The scary part is that game has predicted a vast majority of things that happen today - AI, power dynamics, corruption, misinformation, war economy, child soldiers, etc. It's one of those moments where the lid comes off and it can NEVER be put back on. Even at my first job which someone asked me to help I just got roped into. I seem to need direction and help before I can fit in comfortably and start creating my systems/workflow that works for me. Problem is now the realisation that no job is going to bring any sort of "freedom".

Only other option is the lottery but I think one in 127,000,000 isn't exactly the greatest odds - more chance of being hit by a car, landing on a llama, it rides me to hospital, hospital blows up, helicopter flies me to another and I walk out recovered.

 

[sserafim]

Can't comment on the ADHD stuff (I don't think I have it but who knows when I get the diagnosis) but the other stuff is pretty similar to my past. 12-13 bullying (a given) plus 1 of the knife robberies on the bus. So it's definitely linked to trauma.

For me I started to see how much of a sham the world and systems were. The thing that exposed my mind to all this stuff? 2002 - Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty. The scary part is that game has predicted a vast majority of things that happen today - AI, power dynamics, corruption, misinformation, war economy, child soldiers, etc. It's one of those moments where the lid comes off and it can NEVER be put back on. Even at my first job which someone asked me to help I just got roped into. I seem to need direction and help before I can fit in comfortably and start creating my systems/workflow that works for me. Problem is now the realisation that no job is going to bring any sort of "freedom".

Only other option is the lottery but I think one in 127,000,000 isn't exactly the greatest odds - more chance of being hit by a car, landing on a llama, it rides me to hospital, hospital blows up, helicopter flies me to another and I walk out recovered.

In my opinion, a job actually restricts your freedom

 

[Throwawayacc3]

You can be a completely independent person and still have attachments to things that are childlike, as an example someone could work a job, have a 300k house 100k car but be heavily attached to Disney or preschool activities like climbing trees or dressing up as teddy bears or whatever, it's quite a difficult thing to accurately nail down but there is quite a strong difference between being stuck in these behaviours and something like living with your parents in your 30s

35. If you have a business collapse it's game over. 10 years down the drain. Unfortunately the property industry is too ruthless for me. Even when buyers were saying I'll give you £xxx to get the deal done and I'd say put it on your offer (so the vendor gets more). It was just too often though. Who you know and bribes. There was a chance it was a way out for me but it's failed so that's it. Either "normal job" or disability when I get this diagnosis. Oh im in the UK - the place is crushing - you aren't meant to thrive here. You're beaten down by regulation, taxes, fines, etc. it's non stop.

In my opinion, a job actually restricts your freedom

Yeah same opinion. Problem is say that to anyone else lol. Response - "without the money you can't get that item or go on holiday" erm that's not freedom that materialism you num nut.