joyeux
Member
- Aug 2, 2026
- 8
To start this off, a bit about me; I'm a dude, I like making art, I just turned 21. I found out I was bipolar 1 about a year ago, and I experience extreme psychosis. My self harm is spiraling out of control. I survived an SN attempt because I'm an idiot. My roommate is obsessed with me. I am withdrawaling off of venlafaxine.
I think my roommate has borderline. I made a post recently venting about feeling suffocated by his obsession with me. He left me a letter the next morning explaining that he has been watching this forum, reading every post, waiting for me. For months. He said he found my post, and wanted to come clean. He confessed that he had been going through my things, my room, my phone, and my car, and he felt very bad about it. We had a long conversation and he vowed to never do it again, and to get help.
I guess I don't really care if he reads this. If he's reading this, then he knows hes betraying me again. And I lost any and all semblance of privacy months ago it seems so I really have nothing to hide anymore.
i would say being bipolar is ruining my life, but my family ruined that far before bipolar ever became a problem. Now I'm experiencing horrific withdrawals from a medication I should have never been put on to begin with. This past year has just been a cycle of shoving new drugs down my throat hoping it'll help, and then ending up worse off for it.
I am completely alone. Putting my trust for a second in anyone else just bites me in the ass. Every. Fucking. Time. I thought my mother earnestly wanted to hang out with me this weekend. Turns out she was trying to use a lunch date with me as a convenient time slot for her affair. Yeah.
I know the correct answer is suicide. I don't have a future, I just have the unfortunate will to live. and I just keep getting tortured more because of it.
I'm going to use this as my vent thread so I don't clog up the channels. Sometimes I have too much on my mind to keep in. If anyone reading has any questions feel free to ask or comment. I'm very blunt and not sociable so I apologize in advance. I don't do good with hopeful words. if I'm in a good mood it's because I'm manic and about to spiral into psychosis. My happiness is a symptom.
ah I must have gotten my account flagged for deleting so many posts. Sorry bout that, I'm not planning on doing that again. I wish I could say I have full control of my actions and how I behave but I just don't.
I'm gonna keep ranting though. It's the only thing I can do to pass the time other than sleep and jerk off. what a life I live.
Interacting with other people is fucking grating. everyone wants something. There's always an expectation. Everything is transactional. Right now I'm on leave from work because I failed I kill myself. I know when my bosses approach me it's because they want to know when the fuck I'll be back making them money. It's really not a coincidence they only seem to care about my wellbeing two days before my leave is about to be up. "How are you" is just a fancy way of saying "how able are you to continue working and stop being a liability to our company?"
honestly I want to buy a plane ticket to some continent other than this one and die. I think going missing in the highlands would be fucking spectacular. just into the mountains and never to be seen again. I really don't want to die in this god forsaken country.
I think my roommate has borderline. I made a post recently venting about feeling suffocated by his obsession with me. He left me a letter the next morning explaining that he has been watching this forum, reading every post, waiting for me. For months. He said he found my post, and wanted to come clean. He confessed that he had been going through my things, my room, my phone, and my car, and he felt very bad about it. We had a long conversation and he vowed to never do it again, and to get help.
I guess I don't really care if he reads this. If he's reading this, then he knows hes betraying me again. And I lost any and all semblance of privacy months ago it seems so I really have nothing to hide anymore.
i would say being bipolar is ruining my life, but my family ruined that far before bipolar ever became a problem. Now I'm experiencing horrific withdrawals from a medication I should have never been put on to begin with. This past year has just been a cycle of shoving new drugs down my throat hoping it'll help, and then ending up worse off for it.
I am completely alone. Putting my trust for a second in anyone else just bites me in the ass. Every. Fucking. Time. I thought my mother earnestly wanted to hang out with me this weekend. Turns out she was trying to use a lunch date with me as a convenient time slot for her affair. Yeah.
I know the correct answer is suicide. I don't have a future, I just have the unfortunate will to live. and I just keep getting tortured more because of it.
I'm going to use this as my vent thread so I don't clog up the channels. Sometimes I have too much on my mind to keep in. If anyone reading has any questions feel free to ask or comment. I'm very blunt and not sociable so I apologize in advance. I don't do good with hopeful words. if I'm in a good mood it's because I'm manic and about to spiral into psychosis. My happiness is a symptom.
ah I must have gotten my account flagged for deleting so many posts. Sorry bout that, I'm not planning on doing that again. I wish I could say I have full control of my actions and how I behave but I just don't.
I'm gonna keep ranting though. It's the only thing I can do to pass the time other than sleep and jerk off. what a life I live.
Interacting with other people is fucking grating. everyone wants something. There's always an expectation. Everything is transactional. Right now I'm on leave from work because I failed I kill myself. I know when my bosses approach me it's because they want to know when the fuck I'll be back making them money. It's really not a coincidence they only seem to care about my wellbeing two days before my leave is about to be up. "How are you" is just a fancy way of saying "how able are you to continue working and stop being a liability to our company?"
honestly I want to buy a plane ticket to some continent other than this one and die. I think going missing in the highlands would be fucking spectacular. just into the mountains and never to be seen again. I really don't want to die in this god forsaken country.
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