Discussion People with a definite method, what is holding you?

[helicoptero]

I'm scared it will fail. I thought it was easier to die that way, but didn't take many factors into consideration. When I realized I felt really sad and even more hopeless. It gave me peace to think that I'd be gone easily.

 

[Ambivalent1]

I must exhaust my sex drive. It's all I enjoy.

 

[kråkevind]

Finding a provider for KAP (ketamine assisted psychotherapy) is the harder part and they won't take insurance for it.

This is one of those things I don't understand about insurance companies. For the price you would think they would rather pay for that than what other medications cost. I can see Big Pharma not liking something that can help people that is cheap to manufacture and there's no patent on it.

 

[tisalerry]

For me it is family and slight amount of hope. After those two reasons is fear of failure (in-spite of reasonable research and preparation).

I do feel my direction towards ctb will only further over time and I just need to prepare towards it.

I have progressed enough towards a definite method (carbon monoxide), but I still have some hope left.

how about you?

I'm giving myself till august, when I reach my 2 years of life insurance which covers suicide by that time so at least my family has some money. It also gave me time to make some more memories though it unfortunately hasn't changed my mind about suicide. 28F. Good age. Did enough things. I'm ready just counting the days

 

[sunsetboat234]

The fear of dying alone

 

[Fox of June]

Definitely the fear of failure. Having attempted before and failed, I want to make sure that it is fatal this time as I really do not want to mess it up, become a burden on others having to care for me in some sort of vegetative state and utterly incapable of CTB again. The issue is acquiring the necessary components as I'd rather not do it violently and painfully.

 

[jemetire]

Lack of resources, a little hope and SI…

 

[oh_no191]

the fear of failing. I'm right there but I lose it. It'll make me feel like a bigger failure

 

[ipomoeaalba]

my partner would be sad over it, i also live w my 82 yr old grandma and would really really hate for her to be the one who finds me

 

[SunnyDay_NoSunshine]

Definitely the fear of failure. Having attempted before and failed, I want to make sure that it is fatal this time as I really do not want to mess it up, become a burden on others having to care for me in some sort of vegetative state and utterly incapable of CTB again. The issue is acquiring the necessary components as I'd rather not do it violently and painfully.

what was you method that you failed in first attempt and what is your method now?

 

[delusionalgirl]

Finding a hotel

 

[Forever Sleep]

My Dad and fear.

 

[Parasitic]

Fear of failure, still deciding on method, guilt that I owe money to those who raised me for it to be a waste of money and for the past 4 years lived by a rule of in a week I will ctb but if during any point of that week I get even the slightest bit no matter how small of positivity I reset the timer, not sure why I do this but it gives me peace knowing in a week I give myself permission to ctb. Also learnt to treasure whatever gives me that slight bit of positivity because I don't know if there will be another (an example would be a bird chirping or some sort of wildlife that gives that slight feeling of not everything is dreadful and lets try another week)

 

[Strawberry_Clouds]

For me it is family and slight amount of hope. After those two reasons is fear of failure (in-spite of reasonable research and preparation).

I do feel my direction towards ctb will only further over time and I just need to prepare towards it.

I have progressed enough towards a definite method (carbon monoxide), but I still have some hope left.

how about you?

I'm scared of going through with it, it's like ripping a bandaid off, you know?

 

[SunnyDay_NoSunshine]

My Dad and fear.

same here, my dad is a big reason for me. he will be devastated when already broken.

Fear of failure, still deciding on method, guilt that I owe money to those who raised me for it to be a waste of money and for the past 4 years lived by a rule of in a week I will ctb but if during any point of that week I get even the slightest bit no matter how small of positivity I reset the timer, not sure why I do this but it gives me peace knowing in a week I give myself permission to ctb. Also learnt to treasure whatever gives me that slight bit of positivity because I don't know if there will be another (an example would be a bird chirping or some sort of wildlife that gives that slight feeling of not everything is dreadful and lets try another week)

You remind me of myself ~10 years ago. You are trying in good spirit. I wish you all the best for things to progress towards the better.

 

[gomikasu]

I'm waiting for my birthday so my family can double dip on having one especially shit time rather than 2.

 

[SunnyDay_NoSunshine]

I'm waiting for my birthday so my family can double dip on having one especially shit time rather than 2.

yeah having a abusive family is though.