Passing the time

[Princess Picta]

So like many here. I feel my life is ruined beyond all repair. I still have an instinct to live. I'm not brave enough to just ctb tonight.

I don't have anymore drive for living. I go to work, I vape THC, I pay bills, I eat trashy food, I binge so much TV. I hang out with my girlfriend. I indulge. I took a class last year.

I just keep doing things to continue exist and to distract myself from how horrible I feel. I don't actually do anything useful like study for the exam I took a year long class to take. Or getting a less shitty job that actually pays enough money to live off (I'm slowly drowning in debt).

And then I sleep. I'm just barely going through the motions. It's tedious and slow and anytime I break from distracting myself long enough to see how awful things are, I feel sick. Like I'm going to vomit but choke at the same time.

I never clean, or fix my house that's falling apart around me, or make doctors appointments to get back on my various medications, or do anything to make things better. There's some mental barrier that keeps me from even trying.
What is that?

I can't be the only person here living like this.
If your life is just passing the time, what's even the point? I feel so trapped and weighted down.

 

[Zvetok26]

Yeah, I feel you. Every day is the same repetitive shit. With no outlook on getting any better.

 

[Exact Change]

So like many here. I feel my life is ruined beyond all repair. I still have an instinct to live. I'm not brave enough to just ctb tonight.

I don't have anymore drive for living. I go to work, I vape THC, I pay bills, I eat trashy food, I binge so much TV. I hang out with my girlfriend. I indulge. I took a class last year.

I just keep doing things to continue exist and to distract myself from how horrible I feel. I don't actually do anything useful like study for the exam I took a year long class to take. Or getting a less shitty job that actually pays enough money to live off (I'm slowly drowning in debt).

I felt like I was reading something I had written. Your post describes a lot of my day to day. It's like the only life choice left to make is to not be alive anymore.

 

[iloverachel]

I can totally relate and emphasize with you
My life is just constant pointless distractions trying to escape dwelling on how terrible life is
I watch movies every day to try and escape the prison like reality i am in

 

[xmissellax]

In the same boat. Everything is just a rehash and I feel empty. Trying to enjoy my last bit of time here on earth before I CTB.

 

[Ash]

Yup. And every time I feel as though I've found something to bring meaning to my life, I get an injury or something else happens to stop me doing it. I'm an atheist and don't believe in any external agencies but sometimes it does feel as though the universe is dropping major hints that I should CTB ASAP

 

[heisenberg]

same here. nothing feels enjoyable anymore and everything i'm doing is just to pass the time. my day to day is similar to yours.

 

[FitsTime]

Same here, i don't even attend classes anymore or have a job.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm just passing the time too. I hope I can be dead as quickly as possible. The longer I live, the longer i suffer

 

[Ironborn]

Quit my job because I thought it was stressing me out, eating all my time.
Now? I realise I'm a hollowed out husk of a person.
I don't enjoy anything, nothing interests me, only relief I get is sleep.
It's horrific.

 

[deadhead12!]

So like many here. I feel my life is ruined beyond all repair. I still have an instinct to live. I'm not brave enough to just ctb tonight.

I don't have anymore drive for living. I go to work, I vape THC, I pay bills, I eat trashy food, I binge so much TV. I hang out with my girlfriend. I indulge. I took a class last year.

I just keep doing things to continue exist and to distract myself from how horrible I feel. I don't actually do anything useful like study for the exam I took a year long class to take. Or getting a less shitty job that actually pays enough money to live off (I'm slowly drowning in debt).

And then I sleep. I'm just barely going through the motions. It's tedious and slow and anytime I break from distracting myself long enough to see how awful things are, I feel sick. Like I'm going to vomit but choke at the same time.

I never clean, or fix my house that's falling apart around me, or make doctors appointments to get back on my various medications, or do anything to make things better. There's some mental barrier that keeps me from even trying.
What is that?

I can't be the only person here living like this.
If your life is just passing the time, what's even the point? I feel so trapped and weighted down.

You spoke my mind. Let's message.

 

[Endofit]

Same here. Going to my shit job, eating junk food, youtube, sleeping, repeat. And waking up became so so hard. I wish I could just switch off my life

 

[davidtorez]

All sounds too familiar unfortunately. Eat shit drink breathe . Barely sleep a few hours, get up the next day and rinse and repeat . Not to mention physical pains walking and doing basic shit not to mention doing fun stuff . Nah....not doing this for much longer

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so tired of suffering in this existence, to me existing truly is just a futile and meaningless process of waiting for death. I find being burdened with this existence to be something so incredibly dreadful, in my case I only wish for the peace of eternal nothingness.

 

[Princess Picta]

Same here. Going to my shit job, eating junk food, youtube, sleeping, repeat. And waking up became so so hard. I wish I could just switch off my life

Waking up is hard because you know it's all going to start again. But then I never want to sleep at night because idk. It's a cycle.

 

[Endofit]

Waking up is hard because you know it's all going to start again. But then I never want to sleep at night because idk. It's a cycle.

It's a nightmare repeated everyday. Every week. I barely sleep as well because I feel like my brain need to enjoy these few hours of relative calm by being half awake. I feel i'm going crazy sometimes