So, this is going to be my goodbye thread in this forum.
this week my N arrived safely at my home and next week the anti-es should be arriving so that my estimated death day is saturday to sunday night. it was nice to talk to other people that understand my situation, it was a lot easier to endure the time till its over. thank you very much guys and i wish you the best for your ways either way they are going.
So now that everything is set up for me its very different to my situation before. i am not that depressed anymore since i know when it will end. its a strange feeling. Since this morning i know everyday till next sunday will be the last ever in my life. the last monday, the last friday... i really can't describe this feeling. but i still found my peace i think. the only thing that's still depressing me is that i never felt love. sure i felt love from my family but i mean the love you feel in a relationship. I envy all the people which have someone to love. since i realised i won't have that because i am ugly and a social fail i decided to CTB. this fucking feeling hurts so much that i don't even care about how my family will feel next sunday.
so, after a short break from writing and crying i think i will move on to my last week here. gotta do something i enjoy enven thought i am all alone. i will watch the first Jurassic Park film next saturday before i CTB and listen to a song the only real friend i ever had wrote, he died last year because of an accident. these two things will be the last things i will ever to beside drinking the N :D so now i only have to finish my death note and decide what i will eat for my last meal ever.
Surely i will visit this site everyday till then. i wish you all a nice sunday :)
Tim
i hope you're resting in peace. ciao
