Discussion On a scale of 0-10 how hopeful are you that you can find happiness again?

[Scythe]

I would say 0.5 despite my vote on 0, I can see an off chance that I get extremely lucky and achieve happiness. However, that won't stop me from dying young, I don't like society in general so I can never fully recover, I might decide to live longer than my current planned date though.

 

[Unattainable666]

0-CTB I'm old enough and wise enough to know nothing in my life will change. The two people who Ive met here on SS that I cared so much for and who cared about me are already gone. Love you mb009 and Yaffle miss you more than you'll ever know. thank you for making my life better for the short time you were here. My heart is broken but I knew you would leave. Wish we could have gone together.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I feel like the question and the actual poll itself is different even if it's slightly different. Going by the question, it's a 0 as there isn't really anything that makes me happy. I don't like anything that people like

 

[lament.]

1. I've been actively attempting suicide when the opportunity arises - though to little success. I would love to be able to have a concrete plan but I have little privacy, hardly any motivation and a lot of SI. I want to hang myself deep in the woods somewhere so that I would hopefully not be found, but there's no large woods near me and those that are far away are too hard for me to walk to in my situation.

 

[outrider567]

Less than zero

 

[Praestat_Mori]

4-5

I could somewhat recover and there's still some hope but it won't work on its own unless I also work towards it. My problem is only financial related.

 

[tbroken]

1- I'll hang around until i've planned it in the right way, then I'll just disappear in peace.

 

[hematomatema]

Honestly it's all over the place. One moment I'll be like "holy shit life is AMAZING i have FRIENDS and have good experiences" and whatever and the next 3 weeks afterwards will be spent going "I literally have no clue who I am. I will never amount to anything despite the gifts I've been given and despite the hard work I've put in because of the genetic curses I was born with. If someone offered me a concoction of opiods or -ates or just a big old bag of fent I'd down it like the world was ending. God someone give it to me PLEASE."

Life is just so bipolar it's insane. I'm not sure it'll ever change in that regard but I guess overall it's a 4 or 5, especially when I see how much worse other people have it and whenever I'm reminded of my own achievements and (surmountable) shortcomings.

 

[The Schizoid]

I feel like the question and the actual poll itself is different even if it's slightly different. Going by the question, it's a 0 as there isn't really anything that makes me happy. I don't like anything that people like

1 is hopeless and committed to CTB, but not fully planned yet.

0. It's done. You know when and where it's happening.

I apologise for the wording but the options should be the real answer.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

1-2 is hopeless and committed to CTB, but not fully planned yet.

0. It's done. You know when and where it's happening.

I apologise for the wording but the options should be the real answer.

In that case, I don't know where I would put myself on the list. I don't have any hope for recovery nor do I want to recover but I don't have a set date for ctb either. I haven't even planned anything regarding ctb but I don't have any hope to recover

 

[AnxietyHangover]

Normally 0, I had a date set and have my sn, but my therapist convinced me to try one last thing and she set up like a challenge for me, so I'll do this one last thing to attempt changing my life and if it doesn't work I'll just ctb with the thought that I tried everything available with no result.

 

[thewalkingdread]

 

[executioner1983]

4-5. All depends on how well I do in college, I've decided I'll ctb if I fail out. All so precarious huh…

 

[The Schizoid]

In that case, I don't know where I would put myself on the list. I don't have any hope for recovery nor do I want to recover but I don't have a set date for ctb either. I haven't even planned anything regarding ctb but I don't have any hope to recover

Sounds like you're probably a 2 then. No hope, but are you completely committed to CTB?

Normally 0, I had a date set and have my sn, but my therapist convinced me to try one last thing and she set up like a challenge for me, so I'll do this one last thing to attempt changing my life and if it doesn't work I'll just ctb with the thought that I tried everything available with no result.

So you told your therapist you're likely to kill yourself soon but she didn't report you to authorities?

4-5. All depends on how well I do in college, I've decided I'll ctb if I fail out. All so precarious huh…

Hmm, you're free to ctb, but unless someone has a medical/mental health problem that's serious, I cannot say I look fondly on CTB because of unfavourable life circumstances that may be turned around.

Your situation seems like it would be fixable. No offence or anything, but when people CTB over things like not getting good grades or relationship break ups I find it sad because it's very fixable, unlike health issues sometimes.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Sounds like you're probably a 2 then. No hope, but are you completely committed to CTB?

No, I guess I'm not fully committed to ctb. One of my reasons for wanting to ctb in the first place is because of how mentally weak I am and how I react extremely to even the slightest amount of stress and pressure. The same thing would apply to when I try to kill myself which holds me back severely. I wish there was a peaceful method that I could do as that would make me at ease.

Also, since I live with family and can't go outside much, there isn't really many ctb methods that I can do in the first place. I can't get SN, I can't do partial hanging as I have nowhere to do it. The only method that I could reasonably do is drowning but I heard that's one of the worst suicide methods in terms of pain and SI (aside from burning in a fire) which obviously I'm going to react extremely to. I'm getting a panic attack right now by just thinking about it

 

[The Schizoid]

No, I guess I'm not fully committed to ctb. One of my reasons for wanting to ctb in the first place is because of how mentally weak I am and how I react extremely to even the slightest amount of stress and pressure. The same thing would apply to when I try to kill myself which holds me back severely. I wish there was a peaceful method that I could do as that would make me at ease.

Also, since I live with family and can't go outside much, there isn't really many ctb methods that I can do in the first place. I can't get SN, I can't do partial hanging as I have nowhere to do it. The only method that I could reasonably do is drowning but I heard that's one of the worst suicide methods in terms of pain and SI (aside from burning in a fire) which obviously I'm going to react extremely to. I'm getting a panic attack right now by just thinking about it

May I inquire as to why there is no hope for you?

 

[ijustwishtodie]

May I inquire as to why there is no hope for you?

Because of my autism. I never really found life desirable to begin with. I never really had any interests during a child and I still don't have any interests now. Everything that I watch is just to pass the time. There wasn't really anything that I wanted to do in life and there still isn't. Whenever people ask questions to me like "what are your goals for the future", "what do you want to do in 5 years time" etc etc, I tried to gaslight myself into thinking I had answers for those questions. However, I truly didn't. There was never anything that I wanted to do in life and there still isn't.

Basically, there's no hope for me because I'm so disconnected from the human condition due to my neurotype. I never wanted life to begin with and I still don't as it doesn't offer me anything good. Life offers me only struggles and no reward, the former of which is amplified a lot due to my autism

 

[The Schizoid]

Because of my autism. I never really found life desirable to begin with. I never really had any interests during a child and I still don't have any interests now. Everything that I watch is just to pass the time. There wasn't really anything that I wanted to do in life and there still isn't. Whenever people ask questions to me like "what are your goals for the future", "what do you want to do in 5 years time" etc etc, I tried to gaslight myself into thinking I had answers for those questions. However, I truly didn't. There was never anything that I wanted to do in life and there still isn't.

Basically, there's no hope for me because I'm so disconnected from the human condition due to my neurotype. I never wanted life to begin with and I still don't as it doesn't offer me anything good. Life offers me only struggles and no reward, the former of which is amplified a lot due to my autism

I can understand about lacking goals, but being successful and all that shit doesn't matter.

All that matters is enjoying life.

I don't know how much stuff you've tried but what you've described so far doesn't sound hopeless to me, may I ask what it is you've tried to get better? Have you seen professionals?

Even if you have autism, having no interests sounds more like depression or something else.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I can understand about lacking goals, but being successful and all that shit doesn't matter.

All that matters is enjoying life.

I don't know how much stuff you've tried but what you've described so far doesn't sound hopeless to me, may I ask what it is you've tried to get better? Have you seen professionals?

Even if you have autism, having no interests sounds more like depression or something else.

Well, I stated repeatedly that I don't enjoy life. Also, wanting to be successful does matter. It gives purpose. Otherwise it'd be meaningless to keep on working for basically nothing. It sounds exhausting to have to slave the rest of my life away with no reward.

Yeah, I've seen professionals but they are shit and haven't helped me. Also, I don't have anhedonia if that's what you are trying to imply as I never had any interests to begin with. Anhedonia (linked with depression) is where you no longer find anything interesting. I never had any interests to begin with

 

[The Schizoid]

Well, I stated repeatedly that I don't enjoy life. Also, wanting to be successful does matter. It gives purpose. Otherwise it'd be meaningless to keep on working for basically nothing. It sounds exhausting to have to slave the rest of my life away with no reward.

Yeah, I've seen professionals but they are shit and haven't helped me. Also, I don't have anhedonia if that's what you are trying to imply as I never had any interests to begin with. Anhedonia (linked with depression) is where you no longer find anything interesting. I never had any interests to begin with

Understood. Although you could have had life long anhedonia.

I'm sorry professional help didn't help.

I get the idea of simply just preferring not to exist because your brain just isn't wired properly to enjoyed life.

I hope you manage to to find some interest one day but if not good luck to you with ctb.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Understood. Although you could have had life long anhedonia.

I'm sorry professional help didn't help.

I get the idea of simply just preferring not to exist because your brain just isn't wired properly to enjoyed life.

I hope you manage to to find some interest one day but if not good luck to you with ctb.

Is lifelong anhedonia even possible? I mean, don't kids tend to like things more than adults due to their nature? Lifelong anhedonia does sound interesting.

Professional help is absolutely shit for me. I'm better off doing things on my own but even that didn't work. Now I'm long past wanting to recover. All I want is to be dead.. that's my new idea of recovery.

Thanks for being understanding with your last two sentences, I appreciate it

 

[BlessedBeTheFlame]

0. I am hated by all of humanity for what I am and have cut off almost all of the strings still linking me to this life. I will take my life, whether I like it or not.

 

[The Schizoid]

0. I am hated by all of humanity for what I am and have cut off almost all of the strings still linking me to this life. I will take my life, whether I like it or not.

Sounds like you're at a 1 not a 0.

 

[throneofdispair03]

i'm certain i can find it, it's just that i don't deserve it.

 

[The Schizoid]

i'm certain i can find it, it's just that i don't deserve it.

Find what? A way to get better or ctb method?

 

[throneofdispair03]

Find what? A way to get better or ctb method?

happiness

 

[AnxietyHangover]

So you told your therapist you're likely to kill yourself soon but she didn't report you to authorities?

No, I told her what bothers me and she suggested something, it's a fairly long term commitment but I like how she set it up like a challenge.

 

[Naked Weapon]

If I get my package from MDS, a fucking eleven.

 

[The Schizoid]

If I get my package from MDS, a fucking eleven.

lol

 

[Deadfrogwalking]

1
Looking for a partner.