I put 1, but it's maybe a 1.5.
I don't think recovery is possible anymore.
I don't think I even want to recover.
I just want it over.
The question is, will I suffer through the rest of my natural life in abject misery, or will I successfully ctb? I don't know. I know I want to die. I just don't know if or when I'll be able to overcome SI.