ukket
Member
- Sep 8, 2022
- 31
it doesn't, i am at the end of trying to fit in, be what is expected and live a life i don't want to. Getting older doesn't fix anything, for me it had made it worse, so i am going to leave as soon as my N turns up!
What N? There are no known reliable suppliers of N right now.it doesn't, i am at the end of trying to fit in, be what is expected and live a life i don't want to. Getting older doesn't fix anything, for me it had made it worse, so i am going to leave as soon as my N turns up!
I'm in my 60s and have been suicidal since I was 7 or 8 - it doesn't get better. I wish when I tried (at 15) it had worked.Hey, older members, genuine question: Does it ever really get better? I'm relatively young, but I've been suicidal since I've been aware of my own existence. There's good and bad in life, sure, but there's so much more bad and so little good. Even if there was more good than bad, I'm tired of both of them. Does it ever get easier? I'm just out of the hospital, and all I can think about, even after being drugged out of my mind, is how badly I wish I had not been found and had not failed. All I can think about is the cold steel of a gun barrel in my mouth. So, does it get better? Honestly? It hasn't yet, and I'm so tired. I'm tired of fighting to do everything every day. I'm tired of this existence. I'm tired of being. Will it ever go away? Sorry for the ramble, I just need these answers. Everyone in life loves to say it does, because they don't want to discourage you. They're never honest about it though, because when they are, the answer is no.
This was fascinating to read. It does provide perspective honestly because it's definitely one of the things I've been asking myself a lot. Will I be any happier/ healthier or love life in any form in 30 years when I'm 54. There's also the thought of if I don't CTB within the next year, will I regret it as well.I can only speak for myself and from my experiences and perspective. But this is my honest answer.
I'm 52 now. When I was 26, I had my life savings (the equivalent of about US$78k in inflation adjusted dollars) stolen from me by government agents. Never arrested, never charged, never convicted of anything. In the USA, they have "asset forfeiture" laws that allow this to happen to the tune of US$505 BILLION dollars in 2019 alone. Good luck winning in court, as the odds are stacked against you (you can't beat the gov't in the gov't's court) and also because as most lawyers won't even take the case because it is not worth their time effort, unless the sums involved are huge (in the hundreds of thousands of dollars+). But even if you win, you still lose because a large chunk of your $ will be taken in lawyer fees (expect 70-100%, perhaps more, and you may end up owing them money!) Then, just 4 months later, my sweet little dog was hit and killed by a car and between those 2 events, I wanted to end it all. But I held on to hope. I thought I'm going through a terrible time right now, but "it will get better". It's only money, I can make more, and my dog wasn't going to live forever anyway.
As the years went by, my biggest regret is that I didn't cbt 26 years ago.
I ask myself:
*Am I any happier today than I was 26 years ago? Answer: no!
*Am I any healthier now than 26 years ago? No.
*Am I any younger now than I was 26 years ago? Of course not.
*Am I any richer now than 26 years ago? No.
*Am I (or the world) more free now than 26 years ago? No.
*Are any of my loved ones any better off now than 26 years ago? No.
I can ask myself these same questions from a future perspective:
Will I be any happier/healthier/younger/richer/freer/and my loved ones be better off 26 years from now (in the year 2047) when I reach the age of 78?
Again, the most likely and obvious answer will still be no.
Take from this what you will.